Knight In Shiny Armor

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Twisters Would Be Way Cooler if They Stayed in One Spot

Twisters Would Be Way Cooler if They Stayed in One Spot

Submitted by: ToolBee

Tagged: mindwarp , gifs , tornados , cinemagraph Share on Facebook

I Don’t Carrot All for This Kind of Behavior

I Don't Carrot All for This Kind of Behavior

Submitted by: (via The Gentleman's Armchair )

Tagged: carrots , pretentious , vegetables , web comics Share on Facebook

Halloween Costume Ideas For Snakes

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Maybe It’s Tricking Us

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Old Computer Games

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Trolling a Trophy Shop

Trolling a Trophy Shop

Submitted by: anselmbe

Tagged: passive aggressive , twitter , trophies Share on Facebook

Destiny Advance

Destiny Advance

Submitted by: (via mooglespy)

Tagged: destiny , gameboy advance , video games Share on Facebook

That’s When You Know I’m Your Friend

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Nutella Bread

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Dumb Beautiful Humans

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Honey Badger Couldn’t Care Any Less

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An Amazing Van For Campers

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Makes Me Feel Like A Professional Chef

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New Agnes for 10/24/2014

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New The Meaning of Lila for 10/24/2014

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New Heathcliff for 10/24/2014

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New Momma for 10/24/2014

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New Herb and Jamaal for 10/24/2014

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New The Other Coast for 10/24/2014

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New Dogs of C-Kennel for 10/24/2014

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New B.C. for 10/24/2014

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New Wizard of Id for 10/24/2014

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New Andy Capp for 10/24/2014

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Fans Be Like

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Why Hunting Eagles Is A Bad Idea

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I Know Too Many People Like This

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Come At Me, Goku

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Comedy Listings for Oct. 24-30

A selected guide to improv, stand-up and other comedic performances in New York City.

Got To Peel It

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A Boss That Understands

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Change Of Discipline

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Sometimes Actual Proof Is Not Enough

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It’s Just How Nature Works

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Follow Your Brain

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It’s Very Clear To Me

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Sloth Faces Everywhere

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Messi Is Everywhere

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The World Is A Book

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We Really Love Kids

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Itchy Nyandog

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Prepared To Board The Plane To Feels Land

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I Wonder Why They Do This?

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Back Then It Was Called Retouching

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How To Confuse A Feminist

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The Best Method I Can Think Of

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It’s Not Really That Hard To Just Ask, You Know?

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Ridiculously Photogenic Army Girl

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Today’s Funniest Tweets

by WitStream

Mike Drucker Mike Drucker

American Horror Story: At a Party of Co-Workers and Your Phone is Dead

Robert Yasumura Robert Yasumura

The fact that Chuck Norris has political influence in Texas tells you everything you need to know about Texas.

Trevor S Trevor S

Every kiss begins with "k" and every fun prescription ends with "-zepam" or "-codone."

Julia Lillis Julia Lillis

As a new mom, street cleaning day is just an obnoxious reminder that the ground takes more showers than I do.

Dana Gould Dana Gould

Universities have a responsibility to educate student athletes, so when they retire, they have the tools to be effective casino greeters.

Mike Lawrence Mike Lawrence

The only shootings that should ever happen in Canada should be of bad action movies. Leave the real violence to us. It's all we have

Pauly Casillas Pauly Casillas

Oh, so your house is haunted ONLY during Halloween time? Pretty fucking convenient if you ask me.

Warren Holstein Warren Holstein

Maybe the Secret Service should confiscate that trampoline on the other side of the White House's fence.

Josh Gondelman Josh Gondelman

When people who went to high school together get married, I'm always like: "Isn't that bad for the kids, genetically?"

Mark Leggett Mark Leggett

Put your mother's sunglasses on. Congrats; you're Dave Navarro now.

Chapin Clark Chapin Clark

JOHN WICK. Don't set him off. DO light him after you poop because it will help get rid of the smell.

Albertina Rizzo Albertina Rizzo

I'm still at the maturity level where I have no idea how I got most of my pots and pans.

Braden Graeber Braden Graeber

We're so lucky to live in a time where we can use social media without having to use social skills.

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Very Particular Request

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He’s a Mountain of a Man on “Game of Thrones,” and Flying is Not Always the Easiest for Him

He's a Mountain of a Man on

Submitted by: (via 22 Words)

Tagged: airplane , Game of Thrones , twitter , The Mountain , failbook , g rated Share on Facebook

Join the Dark Side

Join the Dark Side

Submitted by: anselmbe (via Lunar Baboon)

Tagged: star wars , gifs , parenting , classic , web comics Share on Facebook

I Can Totally Relate To This

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You Can Find Peace Or Total Chaos In Beer

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Part of the PBS Witchcraft Hour

Part of the PBS Witchcraft Hour

Submitted by:

Tagged: elmo , PBS , Sesame Street Share on Facebook

So That’s What the Kids Are Calling It

So That's What the Kids Are Calling It

Submitted by: Unknown

Tagged: forever alone , sexy times , funny , self abuse Share on Facebook

That’s Going To Take A Lot Of Scrubbing

funny-graffiti-house-garage-cheating-wife

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Writer/Doctor Simon Stephenson Is Developing a Medical Comedy for ABC

by Megh Wright

simon_stephensonA day after announcing the development of three new comedy series, ABC has added yet another with THR's report that the network has given a put-pilot commitment to a medical comedy called Family Practice. Written by doctor/writer Simon Stephenson — who wrote an episode of the UK series Eleventh Hour as well as a memoir Let Not the Waves of the Sea — the comedy "centers on a dysfunctional family of doctors who run a family practice in small town America." Stephenson will executive produce alongside Dan Fogelman, who is also serving as an EP on an in-the-works ABC comedy series based on the life of Carson Daly.

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Not Even Death Will Do Us Part

funny-skeletons-grave-kissing

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A Poor Showing, Internet People

A Poor Showing, Internet People

Submitted by: Unknown

Tagged: internet , amanda bieber , funny Share on Facebook

You Heard it Here First: Men Are Terrified of Short-Haired Women

You Heard it Here First: Men Are Terrified of Short-Haired Women

Submitted by: (via DeepOmega)

Tagged: men vs women , facepalm , relationships , not all men , failbook Share on Facebook

First Look At Ultron and Hulkbuster Armor in Leaked Avengers 2 Images

First Look At Ultron and Hulkbuster Armor in Leaked Avengers 2 Images

Is it a coincidence that these images from the Avengers: Age of Ultron trailer leaked the day after we got a trailer release date? Sure, why not?

Submitted by: (via Screen Crush)

Tagged: The Avengers , age of ultron , hulkbuster Share on Facebook

If You Ever Wondered What’s Behind Emojis

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funny-Emojis-unexplainable-shape-muscle-arm-Moon

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#ShareaCondom Campaign Proves (Safe) Sex Sells

2014-10-23-Tinder_datecopy.jpg
Advertisers may have found the secret to millennial marketing: ego boosting, social media, and sex. Coke's #ShareaCoke campaign and condom manufacturer Poke's #ShareaCondom campaign have both led to tremendous spikes in product sales and popularity, especially among young consumers.

New research determined millennials top three "wants" in life, which advertisers used to develop an effective marketing method:

Want: Identity as an important, one-of-a-kind individual.
Method: Boost ego with personalization by name or high-status label.

Want: Maximum attention on social media.
Method: Instagram a Like-worthy pic with witty caption.

Want: Sex.
Method: Get sex.

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Coke used this data first in their summer 2014 campaign #ShareaCoke, creating new bottles for sharing with labels specifying a name or a sentimental group, like a "Star" and "Family". Drinkers were encouraged to share the soft drink in real life and on social media. The bottles and cans were Instagrammed at an unprecedented rate.

"I was at Target with my BFF Bev and I saw a Diet Coke with a 'BFF' label," said 20-year-old University of Florida communications student Christie Boone. "Obvi I bought it, and duh I Instagrammed a pic of us with it. Triple-digit Likes and zero cals; hashtag winning."

According to Boone, #ShareaCoke also created sexual tension across college campuses as the bottles were "an icebreaker for hot randos to meet, chat, and, you know."

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Educators, parents, and condom manufacturers have worked to make safe sex appealing to young people for decades with minimal success - until now. Shadowing Coke's marketing tactic, Poke's "#ShareaCondom" campaign is enjoying similar success while also preventing unplanned pregnancy and STDs.

"We were inspired to apply the passions and talents of millennials - ego, sex, and social media - and it worked," said human sexuality researcher Jaime Henderson, Ph.D. "Condom use is at a record high!"

"I'm thrilled about this #ShareaCondom campaign," said high school sexual education teacher Hailee Koals. "For years we've been trying to make safe sex cool. Who knew all we had to do was add a hashtag?"

#ShareaCondom encourages users to share a condom with a broader range of individuals, including a "Cycling Instructor", "Apple Genius", and "One Night Stand".*

"Who you decide to do is your business," said Poke's Chief Marketing Officer Mitchell Klump. "We just want the labels to resonate with this generation's sexual realities."

Sex, social media, and ego drive many of our actions, whether it's posting a picture simply for Likes (and attention) or fulfilling a natural desire for love (and possibly attention). These are prominent cultural forces that are here to stay.

"Last night I was at Target, again, and I saw a box of Poke's with a 'BF' label," Boone said. "Obvi I bought it, and duh I'm going to use them. My boyfriend and I are Facebook official. Hashtag blessed. Hashtag share a condom!"

But while trends that spread virally on social media, such as "My New Haircut" and "Harlem Shake", ultimately always disappear, sexually transmitted diseases that spread virally are forever. Get in the mix, #ShareaCondom.

Join the conversation using the following hashtags:
#ShareaCondom
#CondoMania2014
#SafetyFirstSTDsNever
#WrapItUpClassItUp

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*Poke's List Of People To Share A Condom With:
Uber Driver
Tinder Date
Bae
Stuart
Apple Genius
Divorce Attorney
Da Club DJ
Dog Walker
Drug Dealer
Sex Buddy
Ex
Cycling Instructor
Landlord
Casual Sexual Encounter
Bartender
Cross Fit Bro
Neighbor
Flight Attendant
Financial Adviser
Dry Cleaner
Boss
Bodega Dude
Co-Worker
One Night Stand
Doorman

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Visual Design by Peter Jostrand

American Voices: Report: UNC Inflated Grades, Created Fake Classes For Over 3,100 Students

An investigation at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill found that over the past two decades, the school created fake classes with “shadow curriculums” and no attendance requirements for more than 3,100 students, half of whom were ...

That Piece Of Heaven

funny-ice-cream-cone-chocolate

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The Best Way to Deal With Spiders

The Best Way to Deal With Spiders

Submitted by: (via Poorly Drawn Lines)

Tagged: brown recluse , jail , spiders , sad but true , yikes , web comics Share on Facebook

This Pope Photo Is Pretty Dope

From his penchant for selfies to his smooth white 1984 Renault, Pope Francis is quite possibly the most swagtastic 77-year-old we know.

Then there’s this photo, recently re-surfaced by Twitter fan @Tayo:

Why this pope looking like he about to drop the hardest freestyle of the year and d guy behind him dropping the beat pic.twitter.com/V6AZIyE29Q

— Tayo (@temitvyo) October 15, 2014


We’re not sure why @Tayo, just like we’re not quite sure what Italian President Giorgio Napolitano had to do to earn a place in Francis’ posse.

One thing's for sure: When the Holy Father gets ready to throw down, the world better watch out.

If He Doesn’t See It, It Never Happened

funny-dog-guilty-biting-bag

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A Rival Public Access Producer Almost Started a Brawl on ‘The Chris Gethard Show’

by Megh Wright

Last night's Chris Gethard Show started out with an innocent concept: Bring 200 kazoos to the Manhattan Neighborhood Network studio and see what happens. Things took an unexpected turn when Gethard called out an MNN producer (he called himself only "Smith") who was brooding nearby during the taping, which ultimately turned into an ugly confrontation over why Smith, and allegedly other MNN members, can't stand TCGS: "You're using a public platform to further your own narcissism." It gets more and more awkward with each dig Smith makes at TCGS — which he calls "an ad for unemployment" and "the Party City show" — but the whole thing devolves into chaos at the end when Smith trips over a seated audience member and snaps.

UPDATE: Turns out this was a very Kaufman-esque stunt pulled by comedian Brett Davis — and a very well played one at that. Can we ever trust the new and improved TCGS again? As long as they keep pulling off hilariously bizarre moments like the one above, it's all good.

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More People Should Do This

funny-woman-marrying-herself-bouquet

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At Least They’re Honest

At Least They're Honest

Submitted by:

Tagged: food , fruit snacks , very beary snacks Share on Facebook

Don’t Ask What Pooh Collects From His Enemies

Don't Ask What Pooh Collects From His Enemies

Submitted by: (via Bro My God)

Tagged: creepy , winnie the pooh , knockoff , accidental creepy Share on Facebook

Nevermore Fabulous

Nevermore Fabulous

Submitted by: Unknown

Tagged: raven , edgar allen poe , funny Share on Facebook

The New Yorker Finally Realized Us Plebeians Don’t Get Their Cartoons

Hey, highbrow literary references aren't for everyone. But then, why are you reading The New Yorker?

Longtime New Yorker Cartoon Editor Bob Mankoff just launched a new series in which he breaks down the magazine's droll comics in a way that we can't exactly tell if it's sarcastic or not. To introduce the pilot episode, Mankoff writes:

"E. B. White wrote, 'Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.' Not to worry. I’m just going to prod the frog to reveal some of his secrets. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll tickle him."

If this is a joke, then it is funny. If it's not a joke, then welcome to a weekly web series where the punchlines of cartoons are explained to people.

Too Many Hours Of Fun

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These Bulldog Puppies Who Have A Blast Investigating Red Cups Can Really Find Fun In Anything

These pups can turn even the most mundane of objects into their own personal playground.

In a video from the Pet Collective uploaded to YouTube, two precious bulldog puppies have a blast ... playing with red cups.

Watch the curious wrinkly pups sniff around at the strange red items, completely intrigued.

While observing these little guys investigate will likely be the best part of your day, don't expect to be as amused as they are the next time you encounter an empty cup.

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Man Teaches Puppy To Ring Bell For A Treat, Unwittingly Creates Adorable Bell-Ringing Monster

Did you forget to feed your puppy? Maybe this video will ring a bell. Careful, though: Once that bell starts ringing, it may be impossible to stop.

This cautionary tale brought to you by Maddie, a 10-week old dachshund puppy whose owner taught her she'd get a treat every time she rang a bell. As you'd expect, Maddie picks up the trick quickly and transforms into a bell-ringing monster. (Albeit a very, very cute monster).

YouTuber Kirk Miller originally uploaded the video in 2012, but it has only recently gone viral thanks to a boost from Viral Viral Videos.


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Because I’m Fabulously Worth It

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There’s Going to Be a Job Opening at College Humor’s Social Media Team in Just a Minute

There's Going to Be a Job Opening at College Humor's Social Media Team in Just a Minute

Either that or they're stepping up the "Awkward Fake Twitter Hack" game. In which case, slow clap for all parties involved.

Submitted by: (via College Humor)

Tagged: twitter , whoops , college humor , hacked , failbook , g rated Share on Facebook

Even The Owner Knows It

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11 Wonderfully Weird Facts You Might Not Know About ‘Weird Al’ Yankovic

Get out your accordion, crank up the weirdness, and get ready to laugh because today is "Weird Al" Yankovic's birthday!

Our beloved prince of parody turns 55 today, so we thought we'd share 11 tidbits about Weird Al that you might not know. Check them out below!

That Is Nuts

funny-acorn-face-smoking

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Jerry Seinfeld Meets with the President of Crackle in This ‘Comedians in Cars’ Teaser

by Megh Wright

Jerry Seinfeld's Crackle web series Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee returns with a new round of episodes on November 6th with guests like Jimmy Fallon, Amy Schumer, Kevin Hart, and Fred Armisen, and today the streaming network released a tense teaser video featuring Seinfeld's old TV neighbor Michael Richards as the cigar-sucking Crackle president Dick Corcoran.

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Angry Gamers on Twitter Did Not Recognize Satire When They Saw it

Angry Gamers on Twitter Did Not Recognize Satire When They Saw it

Clickhole, for those not in the know, is a sister site to infamous parody/satire news outlet The Onion. The article in question is a veiled damnation of the #GamerGate movement, but don't tell this person we said that.
Also please don't hack us.

Submitted by: (via Clickhole)

Tagged: twitter , the onion , facepalm , satire , failbook Share on Facebook

How to Deal With Your Office DJ

How to Deal With Your Office DJ

Comic by: faridzadeh (via The Frumps)

Tagged: Office , work , speakers , web comics Share on Facebook

Everyone Loves Sesame Street

Everyone Loves Sesame Street

Submitted by: Unknown

Tagged: motel , Sesame Street , funny Share on Facebook

American Voices: Tinder Offering Premium Paid Service To Help Users Find Better Matches

The CEO of Tinder said the smartphone dating app will soon launch a paid premium service charging customers a fee for “more matchmaking powers,” including the ability to expand their search to other cities.

Look At Those Crazy Eyes

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Infographic: What Privileges Do Student-Athletes Receive?

This week’s revelation that the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill inflated grades for thousands of athletes has shed light on the advantages that many college sports stars are given over other students.

Those Awkward Years

funny-90s-kid-beats-collar-Bane

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Every Time I’m Watching a Video and an Ad Creeps Up

Every Time I'm Watching a Video and an Ad Creeps Up

Submitted by: (via Maximumble)

Tagged: advertisement , sad but true , in this economy , web comics Share on Facebook

‘Cruising,’ Controversial Queer Film, Becomes A Children’s Playset

Have you ever wanted to give your child the gift of the infamous 1980's film "Cruising" in the form of an interactive toy?

Well... you're in luck!

Now your child can join in on the fun of the controversial queer film about the hunt for a murderer within the ranks of the S&M scene in 1980s NYC. What more could you want from a toy like this besides dark alleys, strangers, and a pocket hanky code guide for reference when you're cruising those dark corners of the gay underground?

While absolutely hilarious, sadly, the toy isn't actually available for purchase (boo!). Transgender icon Andrea James told Queerty that this is a short film from director Brumby Boylston that screened before her documentary, "Alec Mapa: Baby Daddy," at a queer film festival in NYC last summer.

Either way, this is one toy we certainly wouldn't have minded finding in our stocking this Christmas!

Report: Slamming Boss Against Wall, Shouting ‘Cash! I Need More Cash!’ Still Leading Tactic For Securing Raise

WASHINGTON—Calling it the most effective method for reaching one’s full earning potential, a report issued Thursday by the Employee Benefit Research Institute found that violently slamming one’s supervisor against a wall and shouting, ...

Baby Shamelessly Face-Plants Into His 1st Birthday Cake

Judging from baby Bauer's expression, he discovered what pure happiness tastes like when he tried cake on his first birthday.

Understandably, Bauer could not be bothered with formalities like utensils and napkins, and instead just slowly face-planted straight into the icing.

But we can't blame him for his excitement. Not one bit.

H/T Tastefully Offensive

The Importance Of Prenups

funny-homeless-man-sign-lawyer-divorce

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Our Inherent Resolve to Name the Campaign Against ISIS

The Pentagon -- A Meeting of the Joint Chiefs of Staff
(Names have been redacted for national security reasons)

--"Gentlemen, thanks for joining us on such short notice..."

(Coughing sound)

--"Oh. Sorry. Ladies and gentlemen. Team. As you know, we have been tasked by POTUS with coming up with a new nickname for our operation against the Islamic State militants in Iraq and Syria. The name we select will bolster public support for our operation and help build credibility around the world. The previous name we recommended, "Operation Inherent Resolve," is still under review. Since this is a brainstorming session, all ideas are on the table. Let's proceed."

--"Sir, how about Desert Stream?"

--"Not bad. Granted, it's not as robust sounding as Desert Storm or Desert Shield, but still evokes our continuing resolve in that troubled region. Plus, the younger generation may equate it with Internet streaming services like Netflix. I like it. Any other ideas?"

--"What about Legion of Boom, sir?"

--"Nice imagery, but probably too aggressive for POTUS. Doesn't it sound a bit like a Marvel comic book?"

--"Sir, it's the nickname for the Super Bowl Champion Seattle Seahawks. They're known for their crushing defense..."

--"Yeah, but the Seahawks aren't doing as well this year, are they? What kind of message would that send to our allies? You know how poorly Super Bowl teams do repeating the following year. No, we need a name that's more inherent of victory and resolve. Next."

--"Sir, what about Guardians of the Galaxy?"

--"Interesting. It certainly has flair, and conveys our effort to organize a global long-term military campaign. I like it."

--"It was the name of a popular Marvel action movie earlier this year, Sir. I believe it did especially well at the box office in our coalition countries of Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates."

--"Good thinking. Anything to shore up our allies. I'll make a note of it. Next."

--"Sir, how about The Life You Want?"

--The chairman rolls his eyes.

--"Sounds a bit... umm... new age-y, doesn't it?"

--"Yes, sir, but I believe it will help bring our story and vision to life. Perhaps it will even work as a transformational message for every person in ISIS?"

--"Duly noted. Next."

--"What about Conscious Coupling, Sir?"

(The chairman's eyes twitch noticeably)

--"What the hell kind of name...? Sorry. Please explain."

--"Sir, it plays on a term 'Conscious Uncoupling' used by the actress Gwyneth Paltrow after her mutual decision to divorce Chris Martin, the lead singer of the rock band Coldplay. It evokes our conscious resolve to work with our coalition partners in a humanistic and holistic way to reach a favorable result against ISIS."

--"OK! OK! I get it, sort of. I'm sure POTUS will take that one under special consideration. Any other ideas?"

"Sir, what about It's Not About the Oil, Stupid?"

--The Chairman's nostrils flare.

--"Did you just call me stupid?"

--"Oh, no, Sir! I just thought it would send a message to our allies and the world that our true intentions are to help the Iraqis, the Kurds and the free-Syrians in their conflict against ISIS. Remember the term, KISS, sir? Keep It Simple, Stupid?"

The chairman briefly shuts his eyes and his face turns red

--"Yes, I recall that term."

--"Well, It's Not About the Oil, Stupid would have the acronym INATOS, signifying that it's all about our NATO partners and not the oil. Get it?"

--"Thanks for the explanation. I'll add it to the list. I think it's time we take a short break."

This Week in Comedy Podcasts: Pee-wee Herman Visits ‘Nerdist’

by Stephanie Simon

pee_wee_hermanThe comedy podcast universe is ever expanding, not unlike the universe universe. We're here to make it a bit smaller, a bit more manageable. There are a lot of great shows and each has a lot of great episodes, so we want to highlight the exceptional, the noteworthy. Each week our crack team of podcast enthusiasts and specialists and especially enthusiastic people will pick their favorites. We hope to have your ears permanently plugged with the best in aural comedy.

Nerdist - Paul Reubens
nerdistpodcastv2Zoe: This week, Paul Reubens visits The Nerdist to discuss the trajectory of Pee-wee Herman, from his conception at The Groundlings to the Saturday morning character on Pee-wee’s Playhouse. For those of us who grew up with Pee-wee Herman and have since become adult fans of comedy, it’s a fascinating listen. Watching these types of characters as a kid, we don’t always have the appreciation for the hard work that goes into creating these universes. If you were like me, your kid brain just kind of assumed these stories were designed with you in mind, end of story. But the more you learn about the industry itself, the more you see that these worlds are the culmination of many complicated processes, years of hard work, and acutely honed talent. Pee-wee is no exception; at The Groundlings, Reubens originally played him as a cheesy standup who would’ve gotten eaten alive at a club. He then explains how this character came to have a playhouse on an HBO special, which led to a movie (Reubens interestingly describes it as a rewrite of Pollyanna), and ultimately became a kids’ show on CBS. For an hour-long episode, it’s a very comprehensive view of the life of a character in all its incarnations. It’s so good, I forgot to recommend it.

You Made it Weird - W. Kamau Bell
You Made it WeirdElizabeth: After both their talk shows were canceled within the past year, W. Kamau Bell and Pete Holmes sit down for a major commiseration session on this week's You Made It Weird. Since very few people have had the experience of getting—and then losing—their own TV show, there's a sense of relief from both men about finding someone else who understands what they went through. They cover the pain points including Twitter feedback, being your friends' boss, and the awkward moment when someone asks how the show is going and you have to tell them it was canceled. Overall, they've both bounced back and there aren't signs of bitterness, but they strongly agree on the importance of giving shows time to get their footing, citing the now forgotten growing pains of later hits like Modern Family, Seinfeld, and Cheers. But it's not all network talk: Holmes still hits his big three—comedy, sexuality, and religion—with Bell explaining why he thinks comedians get funnier when they have kids, how his mother only dated when he was away for the summer as a child, and why his idea of Jesus is an old Denzel Washington with dreadlocks, although he's raising his daughter in the church of Doc McStuffins.

Thrilling Adventure Hour - Jefferson Reid, Ace American, "Return to Castle Brunholdt"
adventure hourMarc:  There are so many fun segments included in the entirety of Thrilling Adventure Hour as a show that pretty much everything that gets shaved off of their live show to become podcast content is hilarious. The most recent installment “Return to Castle Brunholdt” features frequent guest voice Nathan Fillion (Firefly, Castle) as the title character Jefferson Reid, a patriotic soldier/agent/everyman in the midst of WWII, assisted in his ongoing struggle against the Nazis by Agent Abby Adams (Annie Savage). Reid learns to his horror that his once-loyal (and dead) sidekick Brownie Finn has been brought back to life and turned by the Nazis, forcing him to head for Germany to fight the evil Herr Doktor Vitus Brunholdt, also recently returned from death. TAH specializes in creating loyal but dumb-as-a-post heroes (witness Captain Laserbeam and Sparks Nevada) and Fillion plays the part of Reid with appropriate addled aplomb. His butt is saved by the appearance of a new sidekick Lucky Appleseed (Colin Hanks), who, in a running gag of the segment – spoiler alert – is quickly dispatched by the episode’s end. And a special nod to the “vintage” commercials for Patriot Cigarettes and WorkJuice Coffee.

U Talkin' U2 To Me? - Songs of Innocence Physical Release Special
utalkinu2tomeKaitlynn: It's been a month since the last episode, but the Scotts are back talking about U2's latest album and the online backlash of the iTunes digital release. You definitely do not have to like the band to enjoy this podcast. From the plentiful opening hellos, it is clear Scott and Scott are on their A-game. The conversational banter is interrupted by insults at any chance, but there is no doubt these two friends have a chemistry that makes any frivolous exchange instantly funny. You can almost hear Earwolf fans cheering as the 'Engineer Cody' drama reaches a hilariously dramatic peak. Fans of the podcast will be disappointed with the lack of sub-episodes. The second half of the episode is almost exclusively U2 discussions. In a podcast so full of comedy bits, it's hard to believe they managed to speak at length about the iTunes download repercussions, the Definitive Biography, other album reviews and a song-by-song discussion. I would like to thank (Adam) Scott, and I would like to thank Scott (Aukerman) for the most educational and entertaining episode to date.

Writers' Bloc - Doug Abeles
writers blockPablo: Writing for a living entails a lot of rejection. Even if you get lucky enough to land a television writing job, rejection is something that comes with the territory. You probably won't last if you lack thick skin, which is precisely why Doug Abeles has been able to have such a long career. The former ten-year vet of Weekend Update was fired from his first two jobs, The Magic Hour and Politically Incorrect, after putting in a total of 10 months on both shows. And those dismissals were preceded by months of faxing in jokes to Letterman and being told to stop because none of them were any good. But with a ton of persistence, Abeles landed a gig at Weekend Update thanks to his previous experience writing jokes for Norm Macdonald during his time at the helm. For anyone struggling with the notion that they have to "make it" by a certain age or else retreat to a real job, Abeles's tale, which didn't even start until his 30s thanks to six years as a futures trader on the New York Stock Exchange floor, is an inspiring listen.

Lies - Jenny Slate Likes Her Boys Young
nerdistLeigh: We already know how hilarious Jenny Slate is on practically all our favorite TV shows. We've seen how great she is starring in a movie. And we can't get enough of her as Marcel the Shell. So it should come as no surprise that she's also a delightful liar, which she proves on this week's episode of Lies with host Sara Schaefer. Aside from an insightful look at her process when doing voice over work, sharing her preference for butt acting and reciting a few of her classic lines from her days as a soap star, Slate answers that age old question all women in comedy seem to get asked: Are men funny? Schaefer and Slate really break it down, looking at the success of groundbreaking all-male ensemble movies like Last Vegas and debunking the existence of the matriarchy. Only three episodes in, I already can't get enough of Lies. I want to complain that the episodes are too short, but that only makes it easier to listen to each episode over and over again. And then again. And again.

Other Podcasts We're Listening To:

WTF with Marc Maron - Martin Starr
Comedy Bang! Bang! - Natasha Lyonne, Paul F. Tompkins, and Mary Holland
Industry Standard - Gavin Polone
The Poundcast - Brent Weinbach & Andrew Michaan
Professor Blastoff – Books with Jen Hitchcock
Never Not Funny - Doug Benson
Going Off Track - Nikki Glaser
Pop Culture Happy Hour - Transparent and Pop Culture Debuts
Hound Tall - Polyamory with Christopher Ryan, Nick Kroll and Nikki Glaser
The New Hollywood Podcast - Larry Hankin & Larry Hankin Extra 

Elizabeth Stamp is a writer living in Brooklyn, New York.

Pablo Goldstein is a writer from Los Angeles, CA.

Leigh Cesiro is a writer living in Brooklyn who only needs 10 minutes to solve any Law & Order: SVU episode.

Marc Hershon is host of Succotash, the Comedy Podcast Podcast and author of I Hate People!

Kaitlynn E-A Smith is a writer/creator and (somehow) MA fashion grad, born and living in Toronto.

Zoe Schwab is a writer/fraud living in NYC who is somehow up-to-date with ABC Family's Melissa & Joey.

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The Most Beautiful Thing I’ve Read All Day

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Duct Tape, Right?

Duct Tape, Right?

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I Don’t Think That’s a “Blender Sponge

I Don't Think That's a

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Online Gamers Are Making Their Presence Felt IRL

Online Gamers Are Making Their Presence Felt IRL

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Must Have Been Canadian

Must Have Been Canadian

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What do you mean ‘do not attempt’?

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Jets Amazed By Percy Harvin’s Willingness To Fight In Huddle

NEW YORK—Citing the 26-year-old’s relentless attitude and utter refusal to ever give in, New York Jets head coach Rex Ryan told reporters Thursday that the team has been amazed by newly acquired wide receiver Percy Harvin’s willingness t...

What’s the Most “Dad” Thing YOUR Dad’s Ever Done?

What's the Most

We all know that dads love their jokes, but there are plenty of other behaviors that could be labeled #justdadthings. Mallory Ortberg asked Twitter for tales of their dads. Do you have a story that beats these?
(h/t TO)

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Report: Advertisers Threatening To Pull Money Now The Only Remaining Way To Effect Any Change

WASHINGTON—Confirming that civic engagement, democratic elections, and other large-scale efforts had effectively ceased to have any influence, a report published Thursday from the Pew Research Center determined that advertisers threatening to pull o...

Now You Don’t Have To Leave Your Giraffe At Home

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Getting Wasted is Better Than Having Money

Getting Wasted is Better Than Having Money

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Men Try On ‘Sexy’ Halloween Costumes, Acknowledge How Ridiculous They Are

Every Halloween, a host of costumes are marketed as "sexy" for women. There's the sexy nun, the sexy firefighter, the sexy Girl Scout -- the list goes on and on.

But what would happen if men tried these "sexy" costumes on for size? Well, now you can see for yourself.

Here's the sexy firefighter:

sexy firefighter

The sexy ladybug:

sexy ladybug

The sexy Girl Scout:

sexy girl scout

And who could forget the sexy nun?

sexy nun

The clip highlights the absurd reality of how women are expected to dress on Halloween. The good news? There are a lot of other options for women who want to put on a costume a bit more creative than "sexy nurse" or "school girl." (Shocking. We know.)

Scientists Announce Today Best Time To Look Directly At Sun

TUCSON, AZ—Citing an ideal absence of obstructive cloud cover, scientists at the National Solar Observatory announced that today will be one of the best times for people to look directly at the sun.

What A Catch

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A Bucket List For Dylan

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Listen to the Unreleased Finale Track of David Cross’s 2004 Album ‘It’s Not Funny’ Featuring H. Jon Benjamin

by Megh Wright

David Cross was recently a guest on the Comedian's Comedian Podcast with host Stuart Goldsmith, and after the interview Cross agreed to give Goldsmith the finale track of his 2004 album It's Not Funny that label Sub Pop refused to release. The track includes Cross's own pandering country song called "Clapping in the USA" as well as a voice cameo from H. Jon Benjamin as God Himself. "If you listen to the CD you can certainly tell (the current final track) is not a closing bit," Cross told Goldsmith. "Sub Pop got nervous and I was furious, I was apoplectic, I can't believe you're taking this away… This is a bit that was cut out because Sub Pop was afraid they were gonna get sued, but this is the original ending of the CD."

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Textbooks Are Upping Their Stock Photo Game

Textbooks Are Upping Their Stock Photo Game

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Well, I Tried

Well, I Tried

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One Cheap Old Lady

One Cheap Old Lady

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A Comic History of Selfies

A Comic History of Selfies

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Greyhound Now Offering Premium Upgrade To Slightly Less Disgusting Seats

DALLAS—In an effort to cater toward customers seeking a slightly less revolting bus-riding experience, transportation giant Greyhound announced Thursday it is now offering its passengers premium upgrades to marginally less disgusting seats. Official...

Patton Oswalt Teaches Us About Regulation And The Free Market In ‘The Lemonade Wars’

Learning how our government regulates the economy is an intimidating task. Luckily, Patton Oswalt is here to help us out.

In this episode of "We The Economy," a new program created by Morgan Spurlock of "Super Size Me" fame, Patton Oswalt plays Jerry, owner of "Jerry's Lemonade," a small lemonade outfit in a small neighborhood. But when competition moves in across the street, Jerry and his little girl competitor are quickly educated in the ways of business regulations by a government regulator played by "Mad TV" and "Parks and Rec" star Mo Collins.

Seeing Patton Oswalt as the bad guy is not something we're used to, but he's even good at being bad.

6 Parenting Moments I Now Miss That Totally Annoyed Me at the Time

Every morning, so early my eyes could barely focus, I would stand downstairs in the kitchen, preparing very specific lunch and snack requests for my kids for the day. On auto-pilot, I would boil the water for fresh pasta (parmesan in a Ziplock bag on the side) or Annie's Macaroni and cheese shells. Yellow only. And don't even think about elbows.

There were other annoying necessities, such as slicing grapes, not only so that they wouldn't be choking hazards, but also because the bruised ends which attached to the vine offended them. The crusts on any sandwich must be banished, and hard boiled eggs must be void of any remnants of yellow. Any.

As mommy to young kids, there were so many particulars that needed tending to simply get through a day responsibly and with the least amount of tantrums -- "Not the blue bowl!!! The red!" But now that we're a bit older, a lot of these peculiarities have faded away. And now, believe it or not, I kind of miss them. Well, some of them...

1. The 3 a.m. Wanderer.
It wasn't a routine thing. I was always pretty strong about keeping my bed, uh, I mean mine and my husband's bed off-limits, but there were times when I would wake to find a child's foot kicking me in the back, or an arm over my face. So annoying.... yet, strangely warm and sweet.

2. The Tickle Back.
For years, I couldn't leave my middle child's room without going through an elaborate ritual. "Tickle back, Mommy! Do it harder... softer... No, this way... You forgot arms... Sorry, you didn't do that well. Try again!" It was an arduous test to pass every night before I was released to my own rewards of ice cream and Real Housewives.These days, I am literally dismissed. "You can go now, Mommy." Sigh.

3. The Bus Stop.
The bus stop is on my corner and I am the corner house, so it's not exactly a schlep. Still, I stood there, sometimes freezing, sometimes corralling a younger sib or worrying because I left someone in front of the TV. I'd wait impatiently to hear those screechy brakes on the corner before ours. But now my kids are perfectly capable and happy to walk the 10 feet to the curb themselves while I watch from the doorway.

4. Play!*
"Mommy, let's play Pokemon/Lego/dinosaur battle!" Really? Do we have to? Apparently, we always did. So we'd sit on the floor, set up 100 figures and then "pshew pshew" shoot and fly them across the floor at each other. "What are you gonna do?!" My kid would ask desperately, as I tried to sneak a peek at the open newspaper next to us. "Uh, I'm gonna thunder punch?" I'd say, without enthusiasm. "Revolving kick!" He'd boom back energetically, clearly to make me look bad in front of my "men." Not that it mattered. His figures would always spin round and round, throwing mine across the room. These days, the only thing the boys want to battle with me over is their playing time on iTouch, Computer or Wii.

5. The Butt Wipe.
Yeah, I know. Who'd miss that, right? And while I might not actually miss the physical wiping, I definitely do miss the build-up. The "Mom! I need to poop!" dance, followed by screams of, "Done! Done! DONE!!" And then there are all those fascinating positions for optimal wiping. Okay, TMI, but -- now my little boys just go on their own. Done. At least they still regularly forget to lift the seat and I wind up sitting on pee. Sigh. It's the little things.

6. Mommy Don't Go!
Oh the drama! Oh the tears! But boys, mommy is only going out for a little. Mommy needs wine and therapy... I mean friends. Cue clinging, snotting and hanging on legs. On occasion, a child would be physically ripped wailing from my body as I ran out the door, only to be seen as a desperate little face banging on the window. They couldn't bear to part with me. Now they stare at the TV as I yell loudly, "BYE!" and they (sometimes) look up and bless me with a smile.

All the older moms always say, you'll miss these days when they're gone. I look around. There are toys and crap everywhere, laundry piled high. I b*tch about it constantly. Will I miss this mess? I consider my house, devoid of the clutter, neat and perfect (come on, it's a hypothetical fantasy!), and immediately, I know I will. Because when it's gone, they're gone.

I'm going to try to remember that the next time I'm dragging my kid out of bed to wake up.

*My youngest just forced me into having a Battle of the Skylander Figures. Taking #4 off the list immediately. Bleh!

This essay and others like it can be found at Icescreammama.com.

Birthday Cards Against Humanity

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Wyatt Cenac Reveals How Dave Chappelle And Paul McCartney Are Killing His Comedy Shows

What'd the five fingers say to Wyatt Cenac's ego? Slap!

On Wednesday, the comedian told Conan O'Brien that, despite the fact that his show in Madison, Wisconsin, has been scheduled for a while, another show is now happening right across the town square at the same time. And to make things worse, that comedian is Dave Chappelle.

Even though the theater said it was okay to cancel, Cenac says he's gonna stick it out and even revealed that he was in a similar situation before.

"Conan" airs weeknights at 11:00 p.m. ET on TBS.

I Still Do

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A Conversation With a Ghost

A Conversation With a Ghost

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Is the Future of Comedy the Comedy/Drama Hybrid?

by Chris Kopcow

louie elevator 2In a recent Salon interview, Bob Odenkirk warns aspiring writers to “get out of comedy, because it’s about to collapse.” Sketch comedy, he says, is having its time in the sun now — what with YouTube, Comedy Central’s burgeoning lineup and the legions of theater sketch teams popping up all over — but the market is becoming saturated. What’s next then? He suggests that once the market tires of short sketches, it may turn to more long-form, dramatic material. “I do think that after sketch comes story,” he speculates.

And when you look at the TV landscape, that makes sense. (Plus, Odenkirk’s been ahead of the game for years. Why wouldn’t you listen to him now?) Louie and Girls, two shows that are nominally considered comedies but regularly flirt with drama within their svelte 30-minute timeframes, are setting the tone for many of the new comedies cropping up everywhere. Some of that influence manifests itself in different ways, whether it’s other series copping their surface premise (Maron), their intimate, semi-vérité style (Broad City, Looking) or their personal, insular subject matter (Transparent, Hello Ladies).

But regardless of exactly how each show borrows, the bottom line is that all these series are following Louie and Girls’ lead by digging beneath the obvious elements of comedy to explore the uncomfortable or painful issues that lie beneath any good punchline. In short, they’re acting more like dramas.  So that begs the question: are we entering some new era dominated by that nebulous thing known as the “comedy-drama”?

Well, I’m not sure. Given the proliferation of these comedy-dramas, it sure would seem like it. Yet while we’ve started heading in that direction, I don’t think we’re quite there yet. As influential as Louie or Girls are, it’s not like they are ratings juggernauts or anything. The crossover between fans of Louis C.K.’s standup and his show is surprisingly small. Granted, neither of those shows are trying to court a wide audience, both because of their placement on cable and because their sensibilities can be deliberately alienating, as the many, many, many thinkpieces written about both shows make perfectly clear. What’s just as clear, though, is that writers and network heads are learning from these shows and applying them to their own, possibly more accessible, series.

Now, I’m not suggesting that comedy-dramas will replace typical, jokes-first sitcoms. Those will continue to thrive as they always have and always should. But I do think that, if we’re really going to move forward, we need to embrace a broader idea of what comedies are capable of. If you think that isn’t a big obstacle…well, how many times have you seen someone complain an episode of, say, Parks and Recreation was terrible because it “wasn’t funny enough” when it really just dealt with weightier material or took a breather to develop its characters?

Part of the problem in overcoming that obstacle has to do with the comedy-drama label itself. See, dramas never have to prove they’re dramas. Jesse Pinkman can say “yeah, bitch!” and we all giggle, but we never question if Breaking Bad is moving into sitcom territory. Comedies, on the other hand, don’t have that luxury. They have to remain funny at all times to prove their worth. And if the jokes don’t come fast enough, if two characters spend a scene having a long, laugh-free conversation, or if, God forbid, no one’s sarcastic for 30 seconds, you’ll inspire the wrath of internet commenters just looking to laugh. Do that for a couple episodes, and suddenly you’re a comedy-drama…or at least you’re going to be saddled with that designation on your Wikipedia page. Your perception as a funny comedy is gone, and there goes a lot of your audience with it.

In a sense, that’s a completely understandable reaction. When sitting down to watch TV, not everyone’s looking to be challenged or concerned with serialized character development. A lot of people watch comedies because they want to laugh, period. You’re in a bad mood because your had a tough day in the coal mines or whatever, and you don’t want to see your happy-go-lucky TV friends go all contemplative and dark on you. There’s nothing wrong with that. But that shouldn’t necessarily be grounds to dismiss or avoid a show either. Because they look and move (and, to be fair, are sometimes marketed) like dramas, as soon as something is slapped with the “comedy-drama” label, comedy fans tend to run screaming, when really they are often missing out on some of the best comedy around.

This goes double for shows that operate outside of the normal comedy community, where Paul Rudd or Kumail Nanjiani could be waiting right around the corner with a wink and a cameo. For instance, I always remembered Gilmore Girls being funny, but recently rewatching it since it arrived on Netflix, I was struck by just how funny it is, how rapid-fire its wit and dialogue are, how it tosses off as many odd pop-culture references as MST3K or Community in their respective primes.

And while it’s long been acclaimed as one of the best shows of the 2000s — even showing up on TIME’s Greatest Shows Ever list a few years back — it’s rarely brought up in the context of great comedies. But when it arrived in 2000, what else were most people going to think? It was a series airing on the same channel as 7th Heaven and competing with Friends in the same timeslot. So most comedy fans weren’t flocking to see it then, and it’s still largely thought of as a cutesy drama by the uninitiated. In actuality, though, it was frequently hilarious on top of intelligent and moving, enough so to attract guest and recurring spots from future comedy stars like Nick Offerman, Jane Lynch, Nasim Pedrad, Danny Pudi, Adam Brody, Seth MacFarlane, Max Greenfield and more.

Same goes with Slings & Arrows, the Canadian show about a flagging Shakespeare festival, and that one had an even bigger comic pedigree behind it, starring and co-created by Kids In The Hall and SNL veteran Mark McKinney. Now, it’s understandable that most Americans haven’t seen this show. It only ran on Sundance Channel in the mid-2000s, which may as well have been C-SPAN 2 in 1937. But every time I explain the show to hardened Kids In The Hall fans, I’m usually met with indifference at best, even when the show was fully streamable on Netflix and Amazon (it isn’t right now, but it goes back and forth).

Yeah, the phrase “about a Shakespearean theater” isn’t exactly nectar to a lot of people, and the series does concern itself with Big Themes of mortality and the search for meaning. (Case in point: my sister tried to get me to watch it for a long time, and it took years for it to take. But what happened as soon as I started? I was instantly hooked.) Yet while Slings & Arrows can be complex and deeply sad, it’s also a wickedly funny satire and loving tribute to artists of any stripe, and Paul Gross’ mad genius theater director Geoffrey Tennant is one of television’s great comic creations of the last decade.

Really, Freaks And Geeks is one of the few hour-long comedy-dramas I can think of that has wide acceptance as a standard in the comedy community, and that has a lot to do with the careers its cast and crew went on to have. Because while, sure, NBC didn’t give it the chance it should have, it’s also true that it was cancelled in part because Paul Feig and Judd Apatow refused to tidy up its more tragic and troubling elements, so no one watched it. Now, of course, people can’t believe it was ever cancelled. Who knows what other great comedies you or I are missing right now because they’re a little more subdued and require a bit more effort on our part?

I’m not putting myself above anyone here. I also have a ton of trouble beginning comedy-dramas I’ve read about because it’s so much easier to zip through an episode of a half-hour sitcom, even the really smart, dense ones, than a more languid, hour-long one. Certainly, if you’re looking to laugh, some comedy-dramas like Orange Is The New Black or Transparent are far more drama than comedy, but not all of them are — far from it — and plenty of them are rewarding in different ways than a traditional sitcom.

With any luck, some day we won’t need the comedy-drama label. We’ll learn that when we hear the word “comedy,” we can expect there might be lulls in the comebacks and punchlines, and that clever, light-speed absurdism can sit comfortably beside something more grounded and sobering. Till then, if you think comedies should only occupy themselves with being funny, that’s fine and all, but you’re selling yourself short, and you’re selling comedy short.

Chris Kopcow is a pop culture writer and sketch comedy guy based out of Boston. He recently started linking to his Twitter out of compulsive need.

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Wannabe Business Man Frank Zappa

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You Cheat, You Lose Your Truck

You Cheat, You Lose Your Truck

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Wait, Which Animal Did What Now?

Wait, Which Animal Did What Now?

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Pac-Man Shouldn’t Have Challenged Luigi

Pac-Man Shouldn't Have Challenged Luigi

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None of Your Business, Cookie!

None of Your Business, Cookie!

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Practicing to Be a Zombie?

Practicing to Be a Zombie?

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Your Own Snaps Just Pale in Comparison

Your Own Snaps Just Pale in Comparison

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Pantera’s Singer, Phil Anselmo, Teaches Comedian Dave Hill How To METAL

Listen, if you want to be the "most badass metal motherf--ker of all time," who are you gonna go to?

Comedian Dave Hill wanted to be the most metal he could possibly be, so naturally he tracked down the lead singer of one of the greatest metal bands of all time: Phil Anselmo of Pantera.

In this first episode, watch Dave seek out the guidance of Anselmo and become a pupil in the ways of the most earth-shaking, ear-piercing, head-slamming metal that exists.

And when you've finished that, check out episode two, "The Awakening," in which they eat a metal breakfast that most bands could never handle.


Maymo And Penny Are The Best Trick-Or-Treating Beagles On The Internet

Lemon beagle Maymo and sister Penny are back on the trick-or-treat trail, dazzling us with an array of costumes.

But the "tricks" they receive for all their Halloween toil and trouble include nunchucks and a photo of Richard Simmons.

Better luck next year, cutie pies.

H/T Laughing Squid

Help From A 3D Printer

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Can I borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo.

So my friend Maile came to my house to pick me up for lunch and we were a block away when I saw something large and hairy in the back of the pick-up heading toward us, I thought “That is the biggest fucking dog I have ever seen” and then the truck got closer and I thought, “That can’t be a dog.  Is that Sasquatch?”  And then the pickup passed us and I involuntarily screamed: “WATER BUFFALO!”

And then Maile looked at me with mild confusion (probably because I’d just interrupted her story which had nothing to do with water buffalos) and I said, “DUDE. A FUCKING WATER BUFFALO DRIVE PAST US” and she was like, “Really?  I didn’t notice.” And I think that’s a pretty good sign that you’re not paying attention to the road, or that you live in Texas and you’ve learned block shit like that out.

Then Maile said “Do you want me to turn around and follow the water buffalo?” and I said “HAVE YOU EVEN MET ME?” and she nodded and said, “Right.  Follow the water buffalo” as she made a quick U-turn.  And after a minute I started to worry that maybe there wasn’t a water buffalo at all and that I was having a nervous breakdown, but then we saw it:

I think we need a different sign.

I think we need a different sign.

It was far away but we didn’t have a water buffalo in the back so we were able to catch up with the truck and Maile was like “Huh.  Why does this stuff happen to you?” and I thought it was probably that I was just really lucky, and then the truck slowed down and I was happy because I’d get a better picture of the water buffalo, but then we got a little too close and I was like “Shit. Slow down.  He’s gonna jump.”

What?

Sidenote: Those horns seem very unfortunate.  It looks like he’s trying to comb them down into a wig so he can go to the mall without being hassled for being a water buffalo.

And I would have felt really badly if the water buffalo had jumped because I’m not sure Maile is insured for water buffalo car-pounces, but then we realized he was taxidermied.

Then Maile asked “Wait.  Are they going to your house?  Is this your water buffalo?” and I hesitated for a second because I thought, ‘Had I ordered a water buffalo and just forgotten?’  But then I realized there was no way because I’m pretty sure water buffalo are just big cows and it seems a bit sad to hunt down and taxidermy a cow.

Then I thought, “Maybe this is a water buffalo surprise party and Maile was supposed to lure me out of the house so they could deliver the water buffalo” but that seemed unlikely because Victor is terrible at keeping surprises and also he doesn’t like taxidermy or water buffalos.  Turns out it’s my neighbor’s water buffalo.

I don’t have a good way to end this story so I’m just cutting it off there because “Turns out it’s my neighbors water buffalo” is a better ending sentence than “And then we ate some fried chicken and went home.”

PS. I showed the pictures to Victor and it turns out it’s not a water buffalo after all.  It’s a musk-ox.  I’m not sure the difference, but from the pictures I suspect musk-oxen are just water buffaloes with better shampoo.

UPDATED:  I’ve been asked if I’ve made friends with these neighbors and the truth is that I’ve only met a few and the last one uninvited me to a Republican fundraiser when I couldn’t stop laughing and I just handed her a copy of my book to explain why that would be a terrible idea.  I was also asked if the faux-stuffalo could be given a saddle and the answer is “YES”.  The other answer is that if that was my water-buffalo/musk-ox I would put motorized wheels on it and be riding  on it’s back around the neighborhood like mad.  It’s like the best golf cart/wheelchair ever.

Frankly, I'm not sure why no one is riding it at the moment and if they were going slower I probably would have hopped on.  It's like those coin-operated metal horses we used to ride on in front of grocery stores, except with no quarters necessary.  It would only be better if it was a *live* water-buffalo/musk-ox that had GPS and a stereo.

Frankly, I’m not sure why no one is riding it at the moment and if they were going slower I probably would have hopped on and pretended it was a parade float. It’s like those coin-operated metal horses we used to ride on in front of grocery stores, except with no quarters necessary. It would only be better if it was a *live* water-buffalo/musk-ox that had GPS and a stereo.

‘The Late Late Show with James Corden’ Premieres on CBS March 9th

by Megh Wright

james_cordenCraig Ferguson's Late Late Show successor just got an official premiere date. THR reports that The Late Late Show with James Corden will premiere on the network on Monday, March 9th. The show will tape at the CBS Television City lot in Los Angeles, and the network has also signed on British writer/producer/director Ben Winston — who currently works as executive producer on the British X Factor — as Late Late Show showrunner. "We're excited to begin CBS's next chapter after midnight and introduce James' wide range of performance talents and fearless creative instincts to American television viewers," CBS Entertainment chairman Nina Tassler said in a statement. "He and Ben have been friends for a long time and partnered together on a variety of successful projects. They are a creatively dynamic and very energetic host/producer combination." No word yet on when CBS's other late night successor Stephen Colbert will take over for Letterman when he leaves sometime next year.

UPDATE: The Wrap reports that CBS will invite a group of rotating hosts to take over Late Late Show between the time Craig Ferguson leaves on December 19th and Corden takes over in March. No potential guests hosts have been revealed yet, but the idea has certainly worked out for the network in the past.

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New National Park Caters To Business Travelers

PAICINES, CA—Hoping to encourage more busy professionals to visit America’s scenic natural areas, the Department of Interior announced this week the opening of Pinnacles National Park Express, the first federally designated preserve geared spe...

Accurate Indian Signs

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Strip the Paint Clearer Than Your Platform Heels!

Strip the Paint Clearer Than Your Platform Heels!

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Dad Gets Busted

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Charlie Kaufman Is Adapting Sci-Fi Novel ‘IQ 83′ as a Film Starring Steve Carell

by Megh Wright

steve_carellOver the summer it was announced that FX passed on Charlie Kaufman's comedy pilot starring Michael Cera and John Hawkes, but now Kaufman has a new project in the works with a big comedy star. Deadline reports that Kaufman has signed on to rewrite the film adaptation for IQ 83 based on Arthur Herzog's 1978 science fiction novel about a virus outbreak that lowers humanity's IQs, and Steve Carell is attached to star. Here's a description of the book via Coming Soon:

You are Dr. James Healey and last week you were a genius. That was before the DNA experiments. Before the accident you said could never happen… Since then you have felt your mind decaying a little more each day. You have watched your wife slip into imbecility. You have seen the crowds growing murderous with animal terror, the President of the United States babbling and drooling on TV… Only one thing separates you from them. You, at least, know what is happening as you search for the cure for the horror you have unleashed upon the world—as each day the dimming of your mind lowers your chance of finding it!

The IQ 83 adaptation has been in the works for nearly 20 years, and though the book was written as "serious science fiction," the vision for the film is reportedly "to do a scathing satire, on the order of Doctor Strangelove." Considering that Carell has been delving into dramatic roles lately with Foxcatcher, a satirical sci-fi adaptation written by Charlie Kaufman sounds like a very interesting match.

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My Lovely Horse

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It Must Be Love

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Penguins Love to Take Pictures

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The Launching of the USS Detroit on October 18, 2014

The Launching of the USS Detroit on October 18, 2014

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But How Can We See if Light Isn’t Real, MAN

But How Can We See if Light Isn't Real, MAN

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Fantasy And Nightmare

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This Husky Is Really Spooked By A Fake Rat

Halloween is nearly upon us, and the spirit of the scare is in everyone -- especially this husky dog.

Our canine friend is remarkably spooked by this fake rat decoration, circling it warily and barking up a storm.

But hey, we can't blame the pup for wanting to protect his home from things that go bump in the night -- even if they're plastic.

H/T Tastefully Offensive

This Dog Honking A Car Horn Is The Cutest Case Of Road Rage We’ve Ever Seen

When we saw a seemingly annoyed boxer dog honking her owner's car horn back in March, we thought she was just a rare case of a perturbed puppy.

But now that we have stumbled upon yet another pooch laying on the horn, we are certain that this is what dogs do when they have absolutely no patience.


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10 Things You Didn’t Know About ‘Family Guy’

As Peter Griffin would say, this is "freakin' sweet."

"Family Guy" has been on a roller-coaster ride since the late '90s. The show started off with good ratings, was then dropped from Fox's fall lineup in 2002 and later came out on DVD and blew up. The series returned to Fox in 2004 and has been going strong ever since.

"Family Guy" has had a very twisty history, but there's still a lot about Seth MacFarlane's show that fans might not know. To remedy this situation, YouTube's Alltime10s gathered a bunch of these little-known facts and put them in a video you'll go giggity for.

"Family Guy" airs Sunday at 9:00 p.m. ET on Fox.

You Got To Be Careful Superman

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Here’s ‘All About That Bass’ Sung By An Actual Bass Vocalist

Singer Avi Kaplan of famed a cappella group Pentatonix really is "All About That Bass" in his cover of Meghan Trainor's hit single.

No treble.

Watch Kaplan perform the song in his extremely deep voice, accompanied by singers Mario Jose and Naomi Samilton.

The hamburgers and piles of fries in front of the group might make you extra hungry... for more bass.

H/T Reddit

If Your Mom And Aunt Were Two Young Dudes At A Space Company, It’d Be Like This

What happens when two 30-year-old men go about their day while acting out a recorded conversation between two 60-year-old women? Hilarity ensues. That's what happens.

Comedic trio Mitch Lewis, Greg Washburn and Nik Kazoura (collectively known as The Kloons) are back with the latest episode of "Sisters." In this installment of the series, Lewis and Kazoura lip-sync a conversation between Kazoura's mother and aunt.

And this episode is just as good as the one before.

H/T Tastefully Offensive

Aren’t We All?

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Treat Yourself to a Mystery Sack from H. Jon Benjamin and Eugene Mirman’s New Online Store

by Megh Wright

benjamin_mirman_flotsamH. Jon Benjamin and Eugene Mirman just opened up an online store. Called Flotsam General Store, the "post-structural online shopping experience" currently offers a small-sized "Mystery Sack" for $40 and free 6-8+ week shipping. What's in the sacks? According to the store's FAQ, "Flotsam sacks are stocked according to the principes of 'positive sourcing,' with three or more Flotsam products hand-conceived by the Flotsam Design Team." Benjamin said in an interview last month that the items included in each sack will be "products that will leave a legacy. Something to be proud of for time immemorial." Here's more information on Benjamin and Mirman's new business venture from the store's "About" page:

From a rocky perch, a figure stands watching the waves crash in eternal repetition. Is he looking for something or is he waiting for something he has already found? For a lifetime of looking, maybe nothing will come and for a lifetime of waiting, maybe nothing returns. Flotsam is dedicated to the principle that sometimes, what we seek can eventually find us. Our goal is to never know.

Flotsam offers three sacs of hand-chosen items that are hand-hewn by machines in America and are shipped directly to you. What you receive depends on what we choose for you in the moment. In this way, a symbiotic chain is created between producer and consumer. Our mission is to always build on that chain, until that chain enwraps all of us and we are thusly bound together, chained.

With a mission like that, what are you waiting for? Head over to the Flotsam store to buy your own sack today. "$40 is not a big consumer risk," Mirman says on the investment. Benjamin adds: "Look at Maurice McDonald, who started McDonald's. He had $40, and look what happened."

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And Are You a Boy or a Girl?

And Are You a Boy or a Girl?

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Freedom for a Price

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Tell Us How You Really Feel About Ebola and the President

Tell Us How You Really Feel About Ebola and the President

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He Just Wants to Help

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Who Doesn’t Like Scorpions?

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High School Bathrooms, They Never Change

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How To Build A Wooden Ring

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Beauty Chart

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Wyatt Cenac Feels Weird About Competing with Superstars

by Megh Wright

Here's a clip from Wyatt Cenac's visit to Conan from last night, where he reveals which big comedy star booked an upcoming show in Madison, Wisconsin not only the same night as his show, but in a theater across the street from where Cenac is scheduled to perform. Thankfully he already has experience competing with big name celebrities, which he describes in cringeworthy detail. Watch more from his interview below:

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Jimmy Kimmel Learns The Truth About That Superhero Brawl From Waldo And Chewbacca

It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's just adults fighting in superhero costumes.

Recently, a number of costumed characters on Hollywood Boulevard stepped in to break up a fight between Mr. Incredible and Catwoman (or possibly Batgirl), and video of the incident has blown up on the Internet.

Since Jimmy Kimmel considers himself the captain of the neighborhood watch for the area, he tracked down some of the characters involved to find out exactly what happened.

If anything, at least we know where Waldo is now.

"Jimmy Kimmel Live" airs weeknights at 11:35 p.m. ET on ABC.

Seriously, I Don’t Need It

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We Can Teleport?

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You Were Supposed to be Different, Tara!

You Were Supposed to be Different, Tara!

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[EXPAND BAT]

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Some Sexy Pillow Talk

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Brad Pitt Goes ‘Between Two Ferns,’ Learns It’s Hard To Follow The President

"Is it hard for you to maintain a suntan ... because you live in your wife's shadow?" Ouch.

"Fury" star Brad Pitt is the latest celebrity to appear on Zach Galifianakis' intentionally awkward web series, "Between Two Ferns," but after interviewing President Obama, Zach is even more disenchanted than ever.

Pitt keeps his cool as Galifianakis asks him about how he lost his virginity (his very first question), sees if he can "borrow one or two" of his sperms, and even has comedian Louis C.K. interrupt the interview to do a few seconds of hacky stand-up.

It isn't until Galifianakis plays him the "Friends" theme song and calls him, "a shitty actor" that Pitt offers the only appropriate reaction.

Statshot: What Are Strangers Putting In Our Halloween Candy?

What Are Strangers Putting In Our Halloween Candy?

Football Hall Of Fame Acquires Peyton Manning’s Record-Breaking Touchdown-Throwing Arm

Football Hall Of Fame Acquires Peyton Manning's Record-Breaking Touchdown-Throwing Arm

New Hobby To Tide Retired Man Over Until Death

WARNER ROBINS, GA—Saying that it should take up an adequate amount of the 67-year-old’s remaining time on earth, sources confirmed Thursday that local retiree Ned McDowell has chosen gardening as the hobby to tide him over until his death.

Mike Epps Talks About Playing Richard Pryor on ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live’

by Megh Wright

News broke back in August that Mike Epps officially landed the role of Richard Pryor in the upcoming Lee Daniels-directed biopic, and during last night's Jimmy Kimmel Live, Epps looked back on landing the role and getting to spend a year with Pryor before he died. Watch more from his interview below:

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That’ll Explain The Voices

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Maybe You Should Hustle as Hard as You Hate

Maybe You Should Hustle as Hard as You Hate

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Video Of Dancing Priests Goes Viral: Reverends Get A Taste Of The ‘Singing Nun’ Effect

ROME (AP) — A video of a pair of dueling, dancing American priests studying in Rome has gone viral, following in the footsteps of a now-famous Italian nun whose Alicia Keyes-esque voice won her a singing contest and a record contract.

The Rev. David Rider, 29, of Hyde Park, New York, and the Rev. John Gibson, 28, of Milwaukee, first shot to Internet fame when they were filmed in April during a fundraiser at the North American College, the elite American seminary up the hill from the Vatican.

Rider warmed up the crowd with a lively tap-dance routine, only to be pushed aside by Gibson's fast-footed Irish dance. Soon they were battling it out, trying to impress the crowd.

At the back of the room, journalist Joan Lewis recorded the event and later posted on YouTube.

"All of a sudden the numbers started rising and rising," Lewis told The Associated Press. The video has nearly 260,000 views.

Their Internet success has drawn comparisons to Sr. Cristina Scuccia, who won the Italian edition of "The Voice" in June with a series of unadorned pop song performances, in full habit. Her first album features a cover of Madonna's "Like a Virgin."

As with Scuccia, the priests' online popularity was tinged with criticism. Some commentators wrote that the priests shouldn't have been dancing under a crucifix and a painting of Pope Francis, calling it "disrespectful."

"We would just refer them to the Bible," Rider says, "where the Lord tells us to live with joy."

That Vicious And Evil Creature

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8 GIFs from the Brad Pitt ‘Between Two Ferns’

8 GIFs from the Brad Pitt 'Between Two Ferns'

8 GIFs from the Brad Pitt 'Between Tw... Relive the magic ... in GIF form. Submitted by: Dan Worthy Keywords: between two ferns zach galifianakis brad pitt zach galifianakis ferns zach galifianakis brad pitt zach galifianakis new episode between two ferns brad pitt brad pitt fury brad pitt zach galifianakis ferns between 2 ferns between 2 ferns brad pitt Views: 42,143



Brad Pitt and Louis C.K. Go ‘Between Two Ferns’ with Zach Galifianakis

by Megh Wright

Funny or Die just released a brand new installment of Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis, this time featuring the very uninterested Brad Pitt. Pitt's interview has references to everything from his charity work to Benjamin Button to George Clooney, not to mention an extremely short standup performance by Louis C.K.

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Jedi Master Of Adorableness

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I Want One of Those!

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Neil DeGrasse Tyson Has Many Knowledge Eggs

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What a Fascinating Read

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Don’t String Us Along With This One

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You Ain’t Never Had a Friend Like Him

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Coffee Fixes Everything

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This Is Some Pretty Scary Stuff

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Meet Willow, The 2-Year-Old With A Lifetime’s Worth Of Perfect Halloween Costumes

This little one is Willow. She's 2 years old, and she's taking on October in a big way.

Last year, Willow's mother, photographer Gina Lee, declared October "Dress Up Willow Month." She posted photos of Willow's adorable costumes on her Instagram account all month long, and she's doing it this October, too.

Check out her photos, below, and prepare for a cuteness overload.



H/T BuzzFeed



More Halloween Ideas: See costumes for babies, families, couples, moms-to-be and more.

More amazing Halloween ideas over on Pinterest!

Follow HuffPost Parents's board Halloween on Pinterest.

I Feel Better About My Life Choices

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Tyler Durden To The Rescue

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4 Creepy Conspiracy Theories That Need to Be Horror Movies

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