Both Orderly and Tasty

Both Orderly and Tasty

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My Kind Of Diet

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Bob Odenkirk Plays the Heartbroken DJ Pollocktopus on ‘The Birthday Boys’

by Megh Wright

Here's a sneak peek from this Friday's episode of IFC's The Birthday Boys featuring executive producer Bob Odenkirk. It's the age-old classic tale — a loving Polish father named Stolof raises his seven sons to be successful hipster DJs, only to watch them all abandon his dream to pursue their own paths.

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Not Even Once

Not Even Once

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Good Enough For Me

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Cats Will Be Cats No Matter Their Size

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Hubert Reeves On Men, Religion And Nature

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These Are Worth Far More Than Their Face Value

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Steve Coogan Cast in Philip Seymour Hoffman’s Role in Showtime Pilot ‘Happyish’

by Megh Wright

coogansmallBack in January, Showtime ordered a new comedy pilot starring Philip Seymour Hoffman called Happyish centered on a man named Thom Payne who "is struggling with his new bosses being half his age and is having to choose between his antidepressants and his ED pills." While the pilot's future had been uncertain following Hoffman's death a month later, the network revealed today that Steve Coogan has been officially cast in the role. Here's the updated description for the pilot:

Coogan will star in the lead role of Thom Payne, a 44 year-old man whose world is thrown into disarray when his 25 year-old “wunderkind” boss arrives, saying things like “digital,” “social” and “viral.” Is he in need of a “rebranding,” as his mentor insists, or does he just have a “low joy ceiling,” as his corporate headhunter suggests? Maybe pursuing happiness is a fool’s errand? Maybe, after 44 years on this ludicrous planet, settling for happyish is the best one can expect.

"Steve’s range is astounding – he is a comedy legend, a gifted satirist, and he possesses the unique combination of talents this role demands," said Happyish creator/writer Shalom Auslander, who will executive produce the pilot alongside Ken Kwapis and Alexandra Beattie. The Happyish pilot will film in New York this December.

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Old People Eating Alone

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Change Your Worries And Fears

Change Your Worries And Fears

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Tweeting in the Fourth Dimension

Tweeting in the Fourth Dimension

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Comb Your Hair Into a Fedora

Comb Your Hair Into a Fedora

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Human, I Said Let Me In

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American Voices: Toys ‘R’ Us Pulls ‘Breaking Bad’ Action Figures From Shelves

Toys ‘R’ Us announced it will no longer sell action figures depicting characters from Breaking Bad, the AMC hit television show about a chemistry teacher turned meth dealer, after a Florida mother launched an online petition stating tha...

I Never Really Know What To Say

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In an Alternate Universe

In an Alternate Universe

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Nick Frost to Star as a World-Famous Jewel Thief in ABC Comedy ‘The Finger’

by Megh Wright

nick frostNick Frost might be ABC's next comedy star. Deadline reports that the network has bought a single-cam comedy from Modern Family co-executive producer and Colbert Report co-creator Ben Karlin called The Finger, which will center on Frost as "Nick Ferguson aka The Finger, the world’s most famous jewel thief who wants to quit his life of crime, open up a humble sandwich shop and do right by his 9-year-old son — and all of that that is really hard to do." Karlin will executive produce the project with David Miner, who has also worked as an executive producer on 30 Rock, Parks and Recreation, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

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2014 Described In A Sign

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You Think You’d Want A Talking Dog, But Trust Us, You Don’t

If dogs are man's best friend, talking dogs are man's worst friend.

That's the gist of this hilarious sketch created by Reverse Cowboys that answers these important questions: What if dogs could talk? And what if their voices were really annoying?

Watch what happens when cute little Lucy miraculously gains the power to speak after her owner wishes on a star. Spoiler alert: it's not as magical as it would seem.

Bob Odenkirk Is The Father Of Seven DJs In This ‘Birthday Boys’ Sketch

How will Bob Odenkirk react when his seven sons all give up on the very viable career of DJing to instead move into professions with no bass-drops at all?

In this sketch from IFC's series "The Birthday Boys," Bob Odenkirk, the series co-creator, plays the proud father of seven boys, all of whom are aspiring to be famous DJs. Then one day, they decide to quit the craft and get more common jobs as doctors, firefighters and marines.

As you'll see in the above video, their providing father doesn't take the news well. After all, he makes the sauerkraut so they can make the crowd shout.

"The Birthday Boys" airs Fridays at 11:30 p.m. on IFC.

Parents Charged With Hate Crimes for Giving Rocks to Charlie Brown on Halloween

November 1 - Dozens of parents in a local town were arrested and charged with hate crimes for giving rocks as "treats" to a boy named Charlie Brown on Halloween night. "Evidence indicates that the parents deliberately planned to give this boy rocks," said officer Tanis McBrannister, who received a call from Mr. Brown explaining what had happened while alternately yelling "Rats!" and loudly sighing into the phone. "It may be related to his multiple-eyehole ghost costume or his strange hairstyle or his disturbing air of melancholy."

According to the official report, Mr. Brown got tired of repeatedly getting rocks from all the houses he visited year after year while other children in the neighborhood got cookies, chocolate bars, popcorn balls, gum, and even quarters. McBrannister explains:

There is no question he was being singled out for focused Halloween-related discriminatory harassment. At one house, Lucy van Pelt, a neighbor of Mr. Brown's, received extra candy for her brother Linus who was unable to trick or treat because he was sitting in a pumpkin patch. But, Mr. Brown still got a rock. It's fortunate that he did not actually consume any of the rocks although, of course, that would be no worse than eating candy corn or Mary Janes.

The name of the town and the identities of the parents involved are being withheld but most of the neighborhood children describe Mr. Brown as a frequent target of humiliation. "That blockhead! He can't do anything!" screamed Ms. van Pelt. "The least he could have done was break some windows with the rocks he got, but he can't even channel his anger right! AAGGHHH!!" Brown's younger sister Sally commented, "You'd think he would be used to all this by now. He should be more like Linus, my sweet babboo." (Mr. van Pelt denies being Ms. Brown's sweet babboo.)

When asked for a statement, all of the parents responded in strange, incomprehensible noises that resembled trombones being played with plunger mutes.

Suspicious Dog

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The Worst Pants Ever

The Worst Pants Ever

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Matroska

Matroska

Comic by: anselmbe

Tagged: Matryoshka , mindwarp , recursive , dolls , web comics Share on Facebook

Something to Keep in Mind During the Ebola Scare

Something to Keep in Mind During the Ebola Scare

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Man Calls Police Because Of Incorrect Sandwich Order On ‘Outrageous 911′

An incorrectly made turkey sandwich didn't cut the mustard with Rudy Frazier.

When the manager of the sandwich shop refused to handle his beef, Frazier called 911, according to the TLC series, "Outrageous 911."

Did it help? Lettuce look at the video above from an episode airing Wednesday.

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Pueblo Indians Can’t Keep Pace With Area Mom’s Appetite For Earthenware

ALBUQUERQUE, NM—Claiming that the 56-year-old’s desire for authentic Native American ceramics is insatiable, local Pueblo artisans confirmed Wednesday that they can’t keep pace with area mother Shelly Burke’s ravenous appetite for ...

If You Ever Wondered What Would Happen

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Area Man Released After Being Wrongfully Employed For 9 Years

RICHMOND, VA—In response to mounting evidence showing that he never should have been in there in the first place, administrators at KDM Marketing officially released 34-year-old account manager Alex Olmstead today after nine years of being wrongfull...

Ebola Panic

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More editorial cartoons by Mike Smith at Las Vegas Sun.

Bob Odenkirk Announces ‘A Load of Hooey’ Tour Dates

by Megh Wright

bob odenkirk currentTo promote his brand new book A Load of Hooey, Bob Odenkirk is going on a nationwide tour that will be split between readings/book signings and live comedy shows featuring opening act Brandon Wardell. The tour makes stops in Portland, San Francisco, Chicago, New York, and more. Click through for the full list of tour dates and information:

Oct. 25th: Reading
Powell’s, 1 p.m.
1005 W. Burnside St.
Portland, OR
Details here.

October 25th: Comedy Show
Freemont Abbey, 8 p.m.
4272 Fremont Ave N
Seattle, WA 98103
Details here.

October 26th: Comedy Show
JCCSF, 7 p.m.
3200 California St.
San Francisco, CA 94118
Details here.

Oct. 28th: Comedy Show
Largo, 8 p.m.
366 N La Cienega Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90048
Details here.

Oct. 30th: Reading & Signing
Skylight Books, 7:30 p.m.
1818 N. Vermont

Los Angeles, CA 90027
Details here.

Nov. 2nd: Reading
Vroman’s, 4 p.m.
695 E. Colorado Blvd
Pasadena, CA 91101
Details here.

Nov. 5th: Comedy Show
Brave New Workshop Theatre, time TBD
824 Hennepin Avenue
Mpls, MN 55403
Details here.

Nov. 6-7th: Comedy Show
Up Comedy Club, 8 p.m.
230 W. North Ave
Chicago, IL 60614
Details here.

Nov. 9th: Reading & Signing
McNally Jackson, 1 p.m.
52 Prince St, New York, NY 10012
Details here.

November 9th: Comedy Show
Gramercy Theater, Time TBD
127 East 23rd Street
New York, NY. 10010
Details here.

(via McSweeney's)

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There’s Going to be a Job Opening at College Humor’s Social Media Team in Just a Minute

There's Going to be a Job Opening at College Humor's Social Media Team in Just a Minute

Either that or they're stepping up the "Awkward Fake Twitter Hack" game. In which case, slow clap for all parties involved.

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When It’s Time To Play, Nothing Else Matters

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Guardians of the Galaxy Soundtrack to Release as Cassette

Guardians of the Galaxy Soundtrack to Release as Cassette

The Awesome Mix Volume 1, is set to hit store shelves on November 28, but it's a limited release only at Independent Record Stores participating in Record Store Day. No word on how many copies will be made, but make sure to be there early, just in case.

Submitted by: (via Billboard)

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2014: Year of the Funny Women — Record 60 Women Get Last Laugh At NY Comedy Festival

"She who laughs, lasts" could be the motto of 2014 for women comedians cracking the crass ceiling. Here's a positive follow-up to my 2010 post on "No Women Featured in NY Comedy Festival! No Joke!" At that time, I reported that the NYCF ad pictured 10 men and no women. This year, the ad features Amy Schumer, Maria Bamford, Tig Notaro and Sommore, along with seven men.

In response to my ongoing coverage of women comedians and the NYCF, Caroline Hirsch, founder and owner of the NY Comedy Festival and Carolines on Broadway, contacted me to give this updated report. She noted, "A record 60 women will participate in this year's eleventh NYCF, November 5-9. We have over 150 popular and emerging comedians performing more than 60 shows throughout the city. NPR's Ophira Eisenberg, Rachel Feinstein, Paula Poundstone and SNL's Sasheeer Zamata, are among the performers. First-time festival headliners include Amy Schumer, Carly Aquilino and Jessimae Peluso and Tig Notaro."

Three all-women shows feature: HERsterical, November 4; Time Out NY Women of Comedy, November 5 and "Women Aren't Funny: Debunking the Myth," a panel on women in comedy, November 6. Ellie Kemper and Christina Gausas' show, KEMPSAS, is November 8, at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre. Amy Poehler is on a panel discussion, "Id Isn't Always Pretty: An Evening with Broad City," moderated by Seth Rogen, at the Paley Center, on November 9.

Sasheer Zamata was named a featured player on Saturday Night Live (SNL) in January, becoming the first black woman cast member since Maya Rudolph left in 2007. Kenan Thompson had refused to dress in drag and continue to play the female roles, until a black woman was hired. Public opinion supported cast and staff diversity. SNL also hired two black women writers this year: LaKendra Tookes and Leslie Jones.

Tina Fey joined SNL as a staff writer in 1997 and became the first woman head writer in 1999. She created the groundbreaking "Weekend Update" all-women anchor team with BFF Amy Poehler, in 2004. The dynamic duo went on to host the Golden Globes last year, this year and will rock again next year.

Broadly speaking, for the first time in Las Vegas history, the comedy stage will be taken exclusively by women performers. The "Lipshtick" comedy series at the Sands Showroom, includes Wendy Williams, Roseanne Barr, Loni Love, Whitney Cummings and Lisa Lampanelli.

Whoopi Goldberg was the first woman, and fourth winner, of the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor at the Kennedy Center, in 1998. Lilly Tomlin was honored in 2003. Tina Fey, at 40, was the youngest awardee, in 2010. Ellen DeGeneres was recognized in 2012 and Carol Burnett in 2013. The Kennedy Center Honors performing artists annually since 1978. Lucille Ball was the first woman comedian recognized, in 1986. Carol Burnett was celebrated in 2003. She will speak with Rosie O'Donnell, at the 92 Street Y, in New York City, November 2. The event will be live streamed.

Today women comprise 20 percent of the 1500 members of the Friars Club, the premiere club for professional comedians and entertainers. Founded in 1904, the Friars admitted women following a sex-discrimination complaint, and Supreme Court ruling, in 1988. Joy Behar was the first woman Roastmaster in 1997. She was instrumental in having the Friars name one of its chambers for a woman for the first time, Lucille Ball, in 2008. Behar will perform her new solo autobiographical "Me, My Mouth and I," at the Cherry Lane Theatre, November 6-December 21.

Makers, a video collection of documentaries and interviews with women leaders, features Women in Comedy trailblazers. Original interviews include Carol Burnett, Margaret Cho, Ellen DeGeneres, Chelsea Handler, Sarah Silverman and Joan Rivers.

Can we talk? With all due respect, this positive progress report on Women in Comedy is a tribute to Joan Rivers. She persevered to pave the path for generations of funny women. Rivers auditioned seven times over three years, before making her Tonight Show debut in 1965. She remains the first and only woman to host her own late-night network TV show.

In conclusion, as Scarlett O'Hara at Tara might say, "If I don't find a dress tonight, it's curtains!"
Bada bing. Bada boom! Bravo to the fearless, feisty, funny females!

Jennifer Lawrence Talks About Her Photos

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Curt Schilling’s Family Urges Him To Finally See Doctor About Bleeding Ankle

MEDFIELD, MA—Insisting that his prevailing injury could be serious, family members of retired baseball pitcher Curt Schilling reportedly urged the former Red Sox starter Wednesday to finally visit a doctor about his wounded right ankle, which contin...

8 Super-Sexy Halloween Costumes for Moms

Think you can't compete with all the Sexy Olafs and Sexy Lobsters out there this Halloween now that you're a mother? Well, think again. Halloween isn't what it used to be when you were a kid, so get out there and sizzle at the neighborhood trick or treat with these HOT Halloween costumes for moms. Best of all? You're probably already dressed.

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Drive You Crazy Carpool Mom, modeled by Toulouse & Tonic
Every dad in the neighborhood will be lining up behind you in our sexy "Drive You Crazy" Carpool Mom costume. Its racy features include the PJs you've been wearing for two days, rat's nest hair and a cup of cold coffee. Press that gas pedal with a pair of Isotoner slippers and for our sexiest version yet, leave the bra at home! Lunch boxes your own.

Sold out in L and XL.

2014-10-22-BlazingBakesale.Rebecca.graphic.jpg



Blazing Hot Bakesale Babe, modeled by Frugalista Blog
You better have a fire extinguisher on hand when you're dressed as our Blazing Hot Bakesale Mom. You'll make their mouths water in our broiling tan and white polka dot apron with sugar-sweet bows on the pockets, a lickable batter-covered T-shirt -- and yoga pants that hide all your naughty proclivities! Add your own purple Uggs and muffin tin, then bend over that oven and make them drool for your goodies!

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Dirty Delouser, modeled by In The Powder Room
Set your washing machine to sanitize with our Dirty Delouser costume! If none of the other moms want their kids to play with yours, you'll know the real reason. You're just too damn hot in our fishnet stocking-inspired hairnet, specially patterned "lice-hider" apron and red hot rubber gloves that'll protect your hands from all their dirty deeds. Nit comb and half empty bottle of RID your own from the last time.

Also available in Plus Size for our Curvy Delousers.

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50 Shades of Laundry, modeled by Baby Sideburns
She can't answer the door right now, Mr. Postman.  She's all tied up with the laundry! Fifty Shades of Grey will have nothing on you when you spend a sizzling Halloween in your laundry room in our "50 Shades of Laundry" costume. The dinginess of the sweatshirt and the holes in your college sweatpants make this outfit the ONLY things clean in your entire house -- including YOU! There's an inner goddess in there somewhere!

Be sure to complete the look with your own bored housewife bondage fantasies and our life-sized cut out of Christian Grey.

One size fits the lowest common denominator.

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In the Line of Doody, modeled by Hollow Tree Ventures



You'll be #1 (and  #2!) when you out-pout your toddler this Halloween in our "In the Line of Doody" Potty Trainer costume!  Slipping seductively into this costume is easy, but getting out of it can take forever. But no one (else) will mind as long as you keep that captivating come-hither look on your face and a can of Lysol in your hand!

Accessorize with the potty chair of your choice and a look of utter exasperation!

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Sleeping Seductress, modeled by MotherhoodWTF
Tease your man with the idea of getting a little on Halloween and every other night when you stretch out in our Sleeping Seductress costume. Will it happen?  Maybe, but probably not. Because you nodded off again under the sultry Goodnight Moon, you little minx.

Costume imported from your husband's closet.

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Dirty Dishwashing Damsel, modeled by Funny Is Family
What's sexier than a clean kitchen? Watching you load and unload in your Dirty Dishwashing Damsel Halloween costume! And best of all, you don't even need to trick or treat because your pants are already full of all the candy anyone could want. We provide the candy pants and the dingy apron -- single rubber glove your own.

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Tired Temptress, modeled by Suburban Snapshots
Don't touch that snooze button! You're sure to be too exhausted to do anything about it but you'll have your husband all worked up anyway when you usher in the morning in our tantalizing Tired Temptress costume this Halloween. Our fuzzy robe and your clinging child will provide all the stumbling blocks you need to keep that man wanting more. Or just some.

Don't stop here! Keep laughing with more Sexy Halloween Costumes for Moms. Then share this post on Facebook and tag @Toulouse and Tonic.

Originally published by Suzanne Fleet on Toulouse and Tonic.

Like this? Subscribe to Suzanne's blog today. Follow her on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

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German Pizza

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This Week In Web Videos: ‘The Middle Ages’

by Luke Kelly-Clyne


I made my first comedy video just over three years ago. Watching it again just now, a few things are apparent. Thing one: The script holds up. I wrote it in a UCB sketch 101 class and it still makes me laugh. Thing two (shitty sound) and three (my bad acting) make me cringe but I'm still really glad I did it and I'm really glad it's forever online. It started me down a path that's led to doing something I love: making more, gradually better videos, and watching it every once in a while reminds me of the transformative power of filming something you created.

This week's selection is an ode to that power and a celebration of new, talented filmmakers like Chelsea Catalanotto and Jesse Brenneman. In three years, they'll likely look back on Middle Ages, viewed just 172 times, and think "The sound's a little shoddy" and "The color's kind of blown out." Then they'll watch it again for the great idea, for the writing, for how fun it was to just do something they really wanted to do and they'll think "That was one of the ones that started it" and they'll be as proud as they should be.

Luke is a writer for CollegeHumor and a watcher of many web videos. Send him yours @LKellyClyne.

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Not Today, Ebola

Not Today, Ebola

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Line to the Left Ladies

Line to the Left Ladies

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Tagged: fedora , funny , idiots , violence , nice guys Share on Facebook

I Think it Moved

I Think it Moved

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It’s Been Good, Peace Out!

It's Been Good, Peace Out!

Submitted by: Lauren

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New Census Study Finds That 40% Of U.S. Population Is Filler

WASHINGTON—Saying that a sizable cross-section of Americans exist solely to round out the nation’s general population, a new study released Wednesday by the Census Bureau found that a full 40 percent of U.S.

The Cast Of ‘The Room’ Wants To Make A Mockumentary About Where They Are Now

This news is tearing us apaaaaart!

Tommy Wiseau's "The Room," a.k.a. the best worst film ever made, came out 11 years ago and has since inspired a cult following. There was a video game, a book and, of course, James Franco's forthcoming movie about the infamous project. But now, perhaps the best incarnation of "The Room" is among us: a mockumentary.

Robyn Paris, who played Lisa's best friend, Michelle, in the film, has launched a Kickstarter for a movie about the cast and their lives since the film. In a video for "The Room Actors: Where Are They Now? A Mockumentary," the cast (sans Wiseau, who is not involved in the project) describe it as a tongue-in-cheek mockumentary in the vein of Christopher Guest ("This Is Spinal Tap," "Best In Show").

Everyone from Juliette Danielle (Lisa) to Philip Haldiman (Denny) -- who looks super different now with a grey beard -- is involved. Although the Kickstarter page says Greg Sestero, who played Mark, is also participating, the actor confirmed to HuffPost Entertainment that he's not in any direct way. Sestero's only involvement is through the signed cast poster set as a reward.

If you want to know what happened with Claudette's breast cancer, you better take all your spoons to the pawn shop to help fund the project. Depending on how much they raise, it will either be a web series or a feature film. All we know is, if this doesn't get made we're going to feel like a lot like Johnny at his birthday party.

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H/T AV Club

Biologists Sense Of Humor

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Steve Coogan To Replace Philip Seymour Hoffman In ‘Happyish’

After Philip Seymour Hoffman's death in February, Showtime stayed mum on the status of its comedy, "Happyish," in which Hoffman was slated to star. On Wednesday, the network announced that Steve Coogan would fill Hoffman's role.

Per Showtime, "'Happyish' is a comedic, soul-searching examination of our pursuit of happiness, a pursuit that might just be the very thing causing our unhappiness in the first place." Coogan will star as Thom Payne, a 44-year-old man threatened by his 25-year-old boss. "Is he in need of a 'rebranding,' as his mentor insists, or does he just have a 'low joy ceiling,' as his corporate headhunter suggests?" Showtime said in a statement. "Maybe pursuing happiness is a fool’s errand? Maybe, after 44 years on this ludicrous planet, settling for happyish is the best one can expect."

"This American Life" contributor Shalom Auslander created, wrote and will executive produce the show, and Ken Kwapis will executive produce and direct the pilot. "Steve’s range is astounding -– he is a comedy legend, a gifted satirist, and he possesses the unique combination of talents this role demands,” Auslander said of his new star. Coogan's credits include "Philomena," "Tropic Thunder," "The Trip," "The Trip to Italy," "Ruby Sparks, "Our Idiot Brother, "What Maisie Knew," "Despicable Me 2" and "Night at the Museum." The show begins filming in New York in December.

That’s One Big Turtle

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Ice Cream Can Be Dangerous

Ice Cream Can Be Dangerous

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Jimmy Kimmel Reveals Some Vegetarians Can’t Even Tell If They’re Vegetarian

Can you tell if someone is a vegetarian just by looking at them?

After some new studies came out indicating vegetarian and vegan men have a lower sperm count than men who eat meat, Jimmy Kimmel started wondering if perhaps these herbivores have outward characteristics that distinguish them from their omnivorous counterparts as well.

Kimmel's cameras hit the streets to see if his audience could tell if pedestrians were vegetarian or not. And, as you can see from the segment, the people interviewed might not even be sure.

"Jimmy Kimmel Live" airs weeknights at 11:35 p.m. ET on ABC.

Gluten Mingle Is The Dating Site That Loves Bread As Much As You

Do you love cake, pizza, pasta and all things wonderfully gluten-rich? If so, then Gluten Mingle would be the perfect dating site for you -- if it were real, that is.

A new parody ad from comedic duo Adam Grimes and Jessica Sattelberger touts a haven for find like-minded folk who fancy bread, pasta and beer. According to the ad, meeting someone on Gluten Mingle means you can finally go on a date to that Italian restaurant you've always wanted to try, or just share a simple sandwich.

If this was actually a thing, we'd totally sign up -- right after eating some baked goods.

Top 10 Reasons McDonalds is in Deep Trouble

McDonalds, that fast food giant that specializes in giving us both sensory ecstasy and heartburn at the same time, just announced that its earnings plummeted by 30% this last quarter! I thought the golden arches were supreme, so what gives?

Here are the Top 10 reasons why McDonalds is in some deeeeeeep fried oil:

10. People finally figured out that the Chicken McNuggets are really Cat McNuggets.
9. Its cows caught Ebola.
8. Ronald McDonald was arrested for tax evasion.
7. Its employees demanded a living wage (the nerve of those bastards!),
6. Old McDonald (the one who had a farm) sued McDonalds for trademark infringement.
5. Chipotle unveiled the Big Mexican which looks exactly like the Big Mac but with a Latin flavor.
4. Michelle Obama launched a War against Fast Food to replace the War on Drugs.
3. Bill Clinton stopped eating there.
2. Its workers all moved to Canada to work at Burger King.

...and the #1 reason that McDonalds is in trouble:

1. Netflix just launched its new TV show: Vegetables are the New Chicken.

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Crazy Car Trick

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Porn Star Nikki Benz Tries To Win Grandpa’s Vote In ‘All For Fun’ Toronto Mayoral Campaign Video

Porn star Nikki Benz was denied entry into the Toronto mayoral race last May because her Ontario license had expired. But that hasn't stopped her from having a little fun with her failed campaign bid.

Watch Benz court the elderly vote by wooing grandpa Joe Cole in Ethan Cole's "Explaining Things To My Grandfather" series. Even if it takes a 5 p.m. noise abatement, more bingo and new wheelchair lanes, this adult film actress is willing to do what it takes in the comedy video.

Things get a bit more saucy when Grandpa Joe's buddy enters the picture.

"Let me tell you about my platform," Benz tells him.

"Your platform is staring at me in the face," the friend responds.

In highlighting her supposed campaign several months ago, the "Anal Dream Team" actress told Vice she wanted to resolve traffic problems, bring the adult film industry to Toronto and lower property taxes.

According to a recent poll, John Tory is favored to replace Toronto's controversial mayoral incumbent, Rob Ford, who reportedly has cancer.

Even though Benz's name won't be on the ballot on Oct. 27, at least she gets to comment on the election via YouTube.

"The video is all for fun," Ethan Cole told The Huffington Post. "We really just wanted to highlight the absurdity of Toronto politics."

Maggie Carey Is Developing an ABC Comedy Called ‘The Big Hole’

by Megh Wright

maggie_careyThe To Do List writer/director Maggie Carey just landed a script commitment from ABC. THR reports that Carey is developing a single-cam comedy for the network called The Big Hole, which will explore "the generational clash between an entitled millennial and her baby boomer boss at a failing PBS station in Big Hole, Montana." Carey will also serve as an executive producer on the project. For more on Carey, check out our interview with her from last year.

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For Mythbusters’ Fans

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That Kid Has Dreams

That Kid Has Dreams

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This Halloween, Why Not Go as Your Favorite Emoji?

This Halloween, Why Not Go as Your Favorite Emoji?

Your favorite emoji is the smiling poop, right? If not, get the heck outta here. you can buy your own set here!

Submitted by: (via Emoji Masks)

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Second-Grader Likes To Save Purple Pills For Last

FARMINGTON, MO—Outlining his lunchtime medication regimen, local second-grader Brandon Ross explained to reporters Wednesday that he likes to save his purple pills for last.

Double Standards Are Unfair

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Moon Moon Goes Swimming

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The Combination of Two Humanity’s Greatest Achievements

The Combination of Two Humanity's Greatest Achievements

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Feminism, Ebola and Donuts: Lena Dunham and Carrie Brownstein Make Like Portland (VIDEO)



This past Sunday night in Portland, GIRLS star and Not That Kind Of Girl author Lena Dunham completed her ten city book tour, "Not That Kind Of Tour", with an intimate conversation with Portlandia star, Sleater-Kinney rock icon and Portland royalty Carrie Brownstein, live on stage at the Newmark Theatre.

Sponsored by Powell's Books, the event sold out in just six hours -- and it's no wonder. Both of these smart, funny, talented women are at the top of their game right now, each with hit TV shows, and each having just finished books; Carrie's book, as revealed by Lena during the conversation, is en route.

Local Portland comedian JoAnn Schinderle opened the evening with a hilarious set. Dunham called her "fucking hilarious" when she took the stage, and then proceeded to read two essays from her new book, which is currently enjoying the #1 position on the New York Times Indie Bestsellers List (no big deal).

After talking about her many physical ailments while on tour, asking the audience if we could see her underwear (adding "Not that I care, I just want to know"), Dunham boldly read her strange, brave, beautiful truth to the crowd of (mostly) strangers, eventually inviting Brownstein to join her on stage.

The two are close friends -- texting each other frequently in the midst of hypochondria-induced moments of irrational panic, apparently -- and they were a delight to watch together. Quick-witted, sharp-tongued, and each holding a special place at the heart of our culture, Lena and Carrie talked to one another as though no one was watching... and it was glorious.

Conversation topics over the course of the evening included, but were not limited to, feminism, humanism, the underground railroad, the Ebola Virus, the ethics around murdering abandoned baby squirrels you find on the side of the road, challenging authority, surviving sexual assault, marrying internet trolls, taking Adderal recreationally, the journey toward self-esteem, current literary obsessions, old school music, their parents, donuts, sex, love, virginity, the perils of college and, of course, Portland.

I was lucky enough to have a spot on the guest list for the evening (thanks Carrie, Lena and Powell's!) and I managed to capture a few special moment during the conversation on video.

Watch Lena Dunham and Carrie Brownstein LIVE in Portland:



Here are some shots from the event as well, all lifted from social media:

In the words of @IanKarmel "this does not suck." @lenadunham 's #pdx crowd pic.twitter.com/PFHS3QrPjj

— JoAnn Schinderle (@joannlizabeth) October 20, 2014

Carrie and Lena! #PowellsEvents

A photo posted by Powell's Books (@powellsbooks)

Cake Left Out In Break Room With No Instructions

MINNEAPOLIS—Leaving dozens of workers unsure as to whether they were permitted to consume the enticing dessert, sources at the offices of Highwood Insurance told reporters Wednesday that a cake had been left out in the break room without any instruc...

He Totally Deserves The Job

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This Is Actually A Good Idea

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Watch Mel Gibson Give Birth to a Wood Nymph at Second City in 1997

by Megh Wright

Welcome to The Second City Archives, in which we post an exclusive clip each week of some of comedy's biggest superstars performing early in their careers on the legendary Chicago stage. Second City has generously given us a glimpse into their extensive archive of live performances, and over the coming weeks we'll be sharing some rare and retro comedy never before seen on the web.

This week we're taking a break from highlighting comedic legends to unearth an old Second City clip you never knew you wanted — a 41-year-old Mel Gibson giving live improv a shot back in 1997. According to Second City, this performance took place during a later version of Paradigm Lost and included ensemble performers Rachel Dratch, Scott Adsit, Rachel Hamilton, Kevin Dorff, Stephnie Weir, and Jim Zulevic. Braveheart hit theaters two years before this performance, so get ready for lots of Scottish accents and pretend drinking.

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The Sims Will Feel Your Struggle

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Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Dude. Get the freakin' message.

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Baby’s Best Friend

Baby's Best Friend

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Man Walks Again After Having Been Paralyzed

Man Walks Again After Having Been Paralyzed

How the treatment worked:

1) One of the patient's two olfactory bulbs was removed and the olfactory ensheathing cells (OECs) were grown in culture

2) 100 micro injections of OECs were made above and below the damaged area of the spinal cord

3) Four strips of nerve tissue were placed across an 8mm gap in the spinal cord. The scientists believe the OECs acted as a pathway to stimulate the spinal cord cells to regenerate, using the nerve grafts as a bridge to cross the severed cord



Via BBC: Darek Fidyka, who was paralysed from the chest down in a knife attack in 2010, can now walk using a frame.

The treatment, a world first, was carried out by surgeons in Poland in collaboration with scientists in London.

Details of the research are published in the journal Cell Transplantation.

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Goats Prefer Privacy

Goats Prefer Privacy

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So That’s Why Cats Have Nine Lives

So That's Why Cats Have Nine Lives

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Those Little Knobs Are for the Windows, by the Way

Those Little Knobs Are for the Windows, by the Way

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Discretion is Necessary When Family is on Facebook

Discretion is Necessary When Family is on Facebook

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Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Ellen DeGeneres & Chris Rock Reportedly Passed On The Oscars

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences apparently had its eyes set on some other people to host the Oscars, according to The Hollywood Reporter. In fact, producers Craig Zadan and Neil Meron reportedly asked three other comedic heavyweights before tapping Neil Patrick Harris, the confirmed 2015 Oscars host.

According to THR, they approached Ellen DeGeneres, who delivered a massive ratings hit during last year's ceremony. Per THR, DeGeneres refused to host again (it would have been her third time as Oscars emcee). Chris Rock was second on the list, and Julia Louis-Dreyfus also declined.

Despite perhaps not being the Academy's first choice, Harris was thrilled to take on the challenge. "It is truly an honor and a thrill to be asked to host this year's Academy Awards," Harris said at the time. He also posted a video in which he crossed the gig off his long bucket list.

HuffPost Entertainment contacted reps for DeGeneres, Rock and Louis-Dreyfus, as well as Zadan and Meron. This post will be updated if and when they respond.

The Procrastinator’s Halloween Costume Timeline

A few months before Halloween hits, we all tend to have big, BIG costume ideas. Then as the date approaches, and we still have no costume, our standards begin to fall rapidly.

halloween costume procrastinator



What we think our costume is going to look like...





And then reality...

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Real Love Lasts Forever

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Jim Carrey And Aidy Bryant Try Scaring The Bejesus Out Of Us In Their ‘SNL’ Promo

Hopefully musical guest Iggy Azalea won't be scared away.

In this week's "Saturday Night Live" promo, Jim Carrey and cast member Aidy Bryant prove that they are fully ready for the upcoming Halloween episode. And they want to get a lot of people watching. Carrey dons a hockey mask and machete, then he and Bryant form a couple to generate buzz (#jaidy) and finally they naturally both become demons.

Carrey is promoting the November release of "Dumb and Dumber To" and it's his third time hosting, so you can bet the show is in good hands. Hands with machetes in them.

"Saturday Night Live" airs Oct. 26 at 11:30 p.m. ET on NBC.

Why I’m Qualified to Write a Book About Food

by Jim Gaffigan

062_Gaff_9780804140416_art_r1

CURRICULUM VITAE

What are my qualifications to write this book? None, really. So why should you read it? Here’s why: I’m a little fat. Okay, to some I might not be considered that fat, but the point is, I’m not thin. If a thin guy were to write about a love of food and eating, I’d highly recommend that you do not read his book. I’m not talking about someone who is merely in good shape. I’m talking thin. Skinny. I wouldn’t trust them skinnies with food advice. First of all, how do you know they really feel passionately about food? Well, obviously they are not passionate enough to overdo it. That’s not very passionate. Anyway, I’m overweight.

I’ll admit it. I consciously try not to take food advice from thin people. I know this may not be fair, but when Mario Batali talks, I always think, Well, this is a guy who knows what he’s talking about. He actually has experience eating food. This is why some sportscasters wonder what’s going on in a player’s head during a tense moment in a game, but the sportscaster who was once a player knows what’s going on in a player’s head. When I talk about food, I like to think I’m like one of those sportscasters who used to play professionally. I’m like the Ray Lewis or Terry Bradshaw of eating. I’m like the Tony Siragusa of eating. Well, that’s a little redundant.

When a thin person announces, “Here’s a great taco place,” I kind of shut down a little. How do they know it’s so great? From smelling the tacos? If they only ate one taco, the taco could not have been that great. Or maybe it was great, but the thin person cared more about the calories than the taste: “I had to stop at one taco. I’m on a diet.” A taco that won’t force you to break your diet just can’t be that great. Fat people know the consequences of eating, but if the food is good enough, they just don’t care. Overweight people have chosen food over appearance. When a fat person talks about a great place to get a burger, I lean in. They know.

Speaking of thin people, another person it makes no sense to take advice from is the waiter. Why do fancy restaurants always hire thin, good-looking people to be the waiters? “I’ll have the hamburger, and I want someone who is at least an 8 to bring it over to me. Can I see some headshots?” Why would we care what the waiter looks like? Even if we did, why would we take the waiter’s advice? We don’t know him. He is a stranger. “Well, he works there.” Does that make him have similar taste in things you like? Does that make him honest? Not to sound paranoid, but the waitstaff does have a financial incentive for you to order something more expensive: “Well, I highly recommend the 16-ounce Kobe Beef with Lobster and the bottle of 1996 Dom Perignon.”

What restaurants really need is a fat-guy food expert. Many fine-dining establishments have a sommelier—a wine expert—to assist in wine selection, but if a restaurant really cares about food, they should have a “Fattelier.”

FATTELIER: Well, I’d get the chili cheese fries with the cheese on the side. You get more cheese that way.
ME: Thank you, Fattelier.

Although they can’t be thin, the food adviser can’t be too fat. If they are morbidly obese, then you can conclude that they will probably eat everything and anything and do not have discerning taste. This is not to say that they won’t have valuable views. I’d still trust an overly fat person over a skinny one any day. The best adviser would have a very specific body type: pudgy or just a little overweight. This makes it clear they have a somewhat unhealthy relationship with food, but not a clinical problem. They are eating beyond feeling full. Sure, I am describing my own body type, but that’s why I am qualified to write this book about food. What other credentials do you need, really? Stop being a snob. Read the book already.

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The Asian Stereotypes Are True

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“Olmer and His Pikmen”

Here are some illustrations from our fantastic commenters:

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VIDEO: Feathery Ryan Gosling, GOOP Bird Poop, and Why Everything You Think About Pigeons Is Wrong

What do Ryan Gosling, Gwyneth Paltrow, and the Kardashian family have to do with pigeons? To find out WATCH "AMANIMALS: Pigeon Edigeon" and learn the incredible truth about New York's most hated resident and the only charity that helps save them.

He Walked A Long Road

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Ruth Bader Ginsburg Getting Tired of Writing Scathing Dissents

This post originally appeared on Reductress.com.

2014-10-21-ruthbaderginsburg.jpg

Supreme Court judge Ruth Bader Ginsburg wrote a scathing dissent last Wednesday, stating her growing exhaustion for constantly having to write such scathing dissents for recent decisions made in the court.

After her most recent scathing dissent on the Texas Voter ID law, Ginsburg noted that she's feeling "depressed" and "tired" after making yet another legally sound argument in dissent to the majority opinion. "I still had some pep in me after the first few," she adds. "But the old fucks are finally starting to wear me down."

The 81-year-old Supreme Court judge credits "being in a room full of mostly white men who are usually wrong" as the primary cause of her decline.

"I may not change any discriminatory voting laws," Ginsburg concludes resignedly, "but at least I'm giving people something to blog about."

She then retired to her office to take a nap and catch up on The Good Wife.

To read more, click here or visit Reductress.com.

Redskins Should Change Logo To Sunburned White Person, Comedian Says

As long as the team owner and most Americans persist in supporting the Washington Redskins' controversial name, then comedian Hari Kondabolu has a solution: Keep the name and change the Native American logo to a sunburned white person. Make that a "severely sunburned white person."

Crazy, you say?

That's the comic's point, and he's taking it to social media. He's asking for people to tweet their versions of a sunburned white person logo at the Redskins with the hashtag #newredskinslogo. Some entries will be featured on a new Tumblr.

Kondabolu riffs hilariously in his Upworthy video (above) about the campaign, but he ultimately delivers a serious rebuttal to those who insist that the Redskins and their logo are a longstanding tradition. "It doesn't matter how old your tradition is. If enough people tell you that it's hurting them, maybe you should reevaluate your choices," he states.

Here are a few ideas so far, starting with a logo featuring Redskins owner Dan Snyder.

The Sunburnt Dan Snyder #NewRedskinsLogo. Submitted through newredskinslogo@gmail.com pic.twitter.com/G6ODxAFk7L

— Sunburnt White Man (@newredskinslogo) October 17, 2014


For @harikondabolu's logo challenge. Apologies if someone beat me to it already! #NewRedskinsLogo #changethemascot pic.twitter.com/K9g0TLBzhh

— TracyMontoya (@TracyMontoya) October 21, 2014


Now this is a logo worthy of the name @Redskins! @harikondabolu #HTTR #NewRedskinsLogo #ChangeTheName #NoMoreSlur pic.twitter.com/2oJWVGO443

— Tragically, human (@Alhakofi) October 21, 2014


Hey @Redskins I made you a new logo.
#NewRedskinsLogo pic.twitter.com/RUT6AQYfOX

— Dan Levin (@callmeDniceee) October 21, 2014


.@harikondabolu #NewRedskinsLogo pic.twitter.com/lzygYqmruf

— Sarita Brady (@saritasobrevive) October 19, 2014


.@harikondabolu #NewRedskinsLogo pic.twitter.com/yEZvaJaUs1

— Sarita Brady (@saritasobrevive) October 19, 2014


Hey @Redskins, I think I found a solution. What do you think? Casper is almost 80 years old! #NewRedskinsLogo pic.twitter.com/aCh5QpXqEF

— championdumonde (@championdumonde) October 19, 2014


H/T BuzzFeed

You Are Welcome

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Netflix Orders an Animated Series Created by and Starring Bill Burr

by Megh Wright

bill burrNot long after FX ordered a comedy pilot starring Bill Burr, the standup already has another series in the works over at Netflix. Deadline reports that the streaming network has greenlit a six-episode animated series created by Burr and Simpsons writer/producer Michael Price called F is for Family, which will center on "the Murphy family in the 1970’s, a time when you could smack your kid, smoke inside and bring a gun to the airport." Burr will voice the father role of Frank Murphy with Laura Dern and Justin Long voicing his wife and son. Burr will also serve as an executive producer on the series alongside Vince Vaughn, whose production company Wild West Television is behind the show. "F is for Family is the show I’ve always wanted to do," Burr said in a statement. "It captures all the characters of my childhood the way I remember it to be. Fortunately Mike Price and everyone at Wild West seem to know the same people I knew growing up. It’s going to be a lot of fun to tell these stories."

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Those Poor Movie Goers

Those Poor Movie Goers

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Wrestler Randy Orton is Out of Control

Wrestler Randy Orton is Out of Control

Acclaimed wrestler,Randy Orton, has been seen in at least 6 different incidents of unauthorized RKOing against seemingly random situations. Perhaps Nicholas Cage or any other prized puzzle solver can put the pieces together from these incidents that have been captured in GIF form. Please leave any clues in the comments before it's too late!

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Confirmed: Everyone on Tumblr is High

Confirmed: Everyone on Tumblr is High

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Man’s Whole Job Undoing Handiwork Of Self-Checkout Machine

SIOUX FALLS, SD—Admitting that he basically just stands there until one of the stations starts blaring “unexpected item in bagging area,” local supermarket employee Andy Berenson reported Wednesday that his entire job consists of undoing...

Bill Murray Says He Was Tindering Before Tinder Even Existed

Bill Murray knows all about Tinder, but he doesn't think he needs it. On Tuesday, the actor spoke about the popular dating app on "Jimmy Kimmel Live."

"I think it could be amusing, but I can't imagine doing it particularly," Murray said. "I feel like I've lived that life and I can live that life any moment. Like I can just sort of say, 'Hey you with the camera. No, you, come here.'"

I Think I’m Staying At Home

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Water Sphere in Zero Gravity

Water Sphere in Zero Gravity

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American Voices: Facebook To Test Jet-Sized Wi-Fi Drones By 2015

Facebook officials announced intentions to test out Wi-Fi–equipped drones the size of jumbo jets by 2015 as part of an effort to make wireless internet available to the two-thirds of the world’s population that lacks internet access.

Midterm Candidates Distancing Selves From United States

WASHINGTON—Hoping to avoid any association with a country whose approval rating has hit an all-time low among voters, the entire field of 2014 midterm congressional candidates is actively working to distance themselves from the United States, source...

Justin Bieber Gets Destroyed By Floyd Mayweather In Fake Video, But It’s Probably Pretty Accurate

Well, that seems about right.

On Tuesday night, Conan O'Brien told us that Justin Bieber started taking boxing lessons with Floyd Mayweather. Then, he even gave us a look at some exclusive footage from the sessions.

Mayweather is normally a defensive specialist, so it's a little surprising that he actually goes on the offensive in the video. What's not surprising is that Bieber totally gets his butt handed to him.

Yeah, the video is totally fake, but would you expect the real footage to look much different?

"Conan" airs weeknights at 11:00 p.m. ET on TBS.

Not The Most Popular Person

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Get to Know ‘The Old Rocker’

Social media allows the legendary rock stars of the '60s and '70s to share their life and times... but the less legendary were there too... and they have fragments of experiences they can partially remember.

The Old Rocker Remembers episode 3: Wives - watch more funny videos

The Drunk Test

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Inside Portland’s ‘Live Wire! Radio’

by Alex Dueben

livewireradioLive Wire! is a radio variety show recorded weekly in Portland, Oregon and broadcast on public radio stations across the country. “Radio Variety That’s Like a Chew Toy for Your Brain,” the show features interviews, music, stand up comedy, sketch comedy, poetry, essays. The show is currently in its eleventh season and now hosted by Luke Burbank (host of the daily podcast Too Beautiful To Live and occasional Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me panelist) and distributed by PRI, it’s making an impression outside the Pacific Northwest. Courtenay Hameister has been with the show from the beginning as a writer, sketch comedy performer, and for many years, the host.

Currently the head writer and producer, Hameister’s sensibility is all over the show. She has been contributing essays to the show for many years. At a time when collections of funny essays have become more common, it’s a surprise that Hameister isn’t better known. Not as dry as Ian Frazier, and wilder than Nora Ephron, Hameister has a voice that is uniquely her own. She writes a weekly column, “The Reluctant Adventurer” for the website golocalpdx.com and is currently finishing a book of essays, I Got Drunk and Joined a Gym: Lessons I Learned the Hard Way So You Don’t Have To, which is coming out next year from Audible.

I saw a recording of the show last year, so I know that you tape two shows back to back, but what’s the process of putting a show together?

Putting the show together starts really months prior with our Executive Producer Robyn Tenenbaum; she does the majority of the booking for the show. Building the show starts with that. Interestingly enough — I find it interesting — this season we’re doing themes for every show. That’s changing the booking process and it’s changing the way we need to think. We just did a show on Saturday night and we booked Peter Sagal, Chelsea Cain and Eef Barzelay. Sometimes the theme just happens and sometimes you have to look at the people who are on the show and be like, okay, how can we turn this into a theme? Chelsea has just written this book One Kick about this woman who was abducted and she turns into a bad ass and goes after people who have abducted kids. We were like, that’s like “Getting Even.” Peter Sagal is going to be on and this is Luke’s chance to get even with him for all the times he lost on the quiz. [laughs] Luke’s monologue was about gambling, so in this case it was about getting even financially and trying to get back to zero.

If you think of This American Life, you’re sometimes listening and going Ira, come on. The themes can be the teeniest tiniest threads. Once we have a theme, the writers come in the Tuesday of the week before the show and we all pitch ten ideas. Five of them have to do with the guests in some way — like if we want to do a quiz with them or do some weird thing in the interview. The other five are straight sketches or lists or whatever. I tell them my top four or five because a lot of times what happens is you’ll have this great idea for a sketch, start writing it and realize it’s going nowhere. There’s nothing interesting about it. Or the idea was a funny idea, but the entire idea of the sketch was the whole joke and you just have nowhere to go with it. They need to come with three first drafts. I do the same thing. I have to write sketches too. I give them more to chose from if the other two don’t go anywhere. Luke tends to come into the process the week of the show. Luke is great about the sketches in the show that he has nothing to do with. Anything he has to do with I let him know, here are the ideas we have to do with Peter Sagal or Chelsea Cain. He needs to have buy-in and often times he’ll pitch an idea or say, that’s interesting, but what if we did it this way, so he’ll make an idea better oftentimes.

I love all the elements of the show and I wouldn’t say that it feels random, but it is a variety show. To what degree has that changed now that every show has a theme?

We created themes for exactly the reason that you’re talking about. We’ve been talking about doing themes for about five years. Public radio program directors at stations really love the idea of themes because they can run something as a special. They can be like, oh, it’s fall and Live Wire did a show about fall, or holiday themed shows. We knew that and it was always something in the back of our heads but we also recognized that it does change your booking process and it’s a lot more complicated to do.

I had a conversation with Alex Falcone, who’s one of our new writers. Every season during the summer break we look at the entire show and everything is on the table to throw out. Even sketches. A lot of public radio program directors don’t like sketches. This year is that everyone got a couple of shows to listen to and give feedback. Alex Falcone said exactly what you said, sometimes I listen and it just feels random. Maybe a theme would help? Ideally having a theme helps ground the show a little bit. It makes it feel a little bit more consistent and cohesive. For me, it’s satisfying as an audience member to see somebody talk about something in an interview and then see some version of that exist in the comedy and then Scott Poole will come on and do a poem about that.

You’re performing all of this in front of a live audience. Is there ever a tension between what works on the radio and what works live?

That’s something that we’ve struggled with for ten years. [laughs] Our actors are stage actors for the most part. These people are used to working for the crowd and so oftentimes they’ll do physical things and that will get a response but it’s terrible for the radio audience. There’s nothing worse than feeling like you’re not in on the joke. We’ve really had to work to try to remember that there’s 400 people in that room but there’s 100,000 people listening. We try to do comedy that utilizes the sound effects, that creates an interesting aural space to be in and that’s tough. Same thing with Luke. He’s so used to doing TBTL and sitting in a studio that now that he has an audience and he’s so good at playing to the live audience, it’s easy to forget about the listeners. It’s something you need to constantly remind yourself about.

Besides having themes, has anything else changed this year?

Luke is such a different host than I was. He actually enjoys interviewing people. [laughs] For me it was interviewing people that stressed me out. I liked doing essays, I loved being in sketches, but interviewing people made me a little nuts. Luke loves to talk to people. This season we’re talking about booking and have booked people like Ben Jacobsen, who’s a guy who harvests salt out of the ocean in Oregon. He just does something cool and Luke loves to talk to people who do cool shit. That’s something that’s a little different in terms of the booking. Also we really want to try to book more standup comics. There’s not a ton of standup comedy on public radio right now and I think the people who are listening to public radio are changing. That’s something that we’re going to try to book more of.

You mentioned that it can be a challenge to get on stations and a lot of public radio listeners would say, yes, public radio does not have much comedy.

[laughs] Prairie Home Companion has been around for forty years at this point and that’s comedy. Our station, OPB, is largely a talk station and the people who work at that station tend to be okay with humor as long as it’s sort of educational. They love The Moth and This American Life, where there’s humor, but there’s always a reason why it’s there or it’s within a story. I think humor for humor’s sake has tremendous value. Most people don’t need a reason to laugh. The only reason to laugh is fear of dying alone and stuff like that. We all have that, right? [laughs]

Live Wire signed on to be distributed by PRI earlier this year. Has that changed anything?

At one of our shows, there was a particular sketch. We actually changed one line and it was hotly, hotly contested. I think that the writers were like, does this mean we’re going to change as a show because we’ve been picked up by PRI? Overall that was it in terms of content. Really the difference is that we’ve never had help. All of these other shows — Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me, Wits — have stations behind them like Minnesota Public Radio, WBEZ Chicago. We’re on our own. We’ve been independent since we started. PRI is helping to distribute our show, but we’re still an independent show. PRI has been working their asses off to help us pick up more stations. Moving forward it’s amazing to have help — and it feels like validation, frankly.

As part of that, do you have plans to do live shows elsewhere or expand in different ways?

We’d love to. We’ve been hoping to go to Seattle and we’ve talking about doing a show in L.A. That just has to do mostly with having a budget and finding sponsors. You have to find a hotel willing to put up a bunch of public radio nerds. [laughs]

You also have a book of essays coming out next year.

I had a book proposal and I really didn’t try to send it to very many people — or any people, really. [laughs] Here’s the thing, some advice for writers, you should send your book proposal to people so they can read it. Somebody at Hachette requested it and read it and I got good feedback. It was a book of essays and what they were saying was, nobody wants a book of essays. Unless you’re hugely famous, nobody wants a book of essays. Sometimes even if you are hugely famous, they don’t want that. They said, if you can turn this into a memoir, we’d love to look at it. I was in contact with Susie Bright. She was on the show and she read my essays on my blog and had contacted me about something completely different. Audible wants to do original content. She contacted me about that and I said, I have this book I’m working on and she said, I’ll take it. [laughs] So the book is coming out on audible first. It’s a series of humorous essays called I Got Drunk and Joined a Gym: Lessons I Learned the Hard Way So You Don’t Have To. In each of the essays there’s some sort of lesson that I learned. I try not to be too ham-handed with it. I’m not like, here’s what I learned, though in the first version of my book there were “lessons learned” and a box with the top three lessons. They were all jokes, mostly.

Are you reading it?

I wanted it to say somewhere in my contract that they would at least audition me to read it, but Susie was like, I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t read it. I just spoke at Rose City Comic Con on a humor panel and they were talking about tone and being able to keep a consistent tone. It’s really tough because the subject matter of this book varies. There’s an essay about my father’s death. There’s an essay about being broken up with at a graveyard at a funeral. Then there’s also one about this struggle I had over the course of a day where I was trying not to eat a Three Musketeers bar and I did all of these things to the Three Musketeers bar to try to get myself not to eat it. Including putting it down my pants. [laughs] It’s going to be interesting to figure out a way to make this not emotional whiplash for people.

In that sense it’s like Live Wire, trying to combine all these disparate elements and you want it to jump around and be a little jarring, but not give people whiplash.

I hadn’t really thought of that, but totally true. We just had a cancer doctor on our first show and we got some feedback from the live audience where they were like, that was a little whiplash-y. We actually switched around some elements in the recorded show.

Does it feel easier in a sense that you’re writing this book of essays, but you’ll be performing them, which you’ve done before for many of them?

It just feels comfortable. I know that I’ve been incredibly lucky. How many writers get the chance to test the material for their book out in front of people? I would say fifty percent of this book has been read at least once in front of a live audience and I’ve edited afterwards. I essentially have a focus group for my work. I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing. I’m always thinking of the audience as I write. I think that for humor writers that comes with the territory just because the audience is there. They’re an actual physical presence every time your work is read so of course you think of them as you write. It’s impossible not to, I think.

It’s easy to say they didn’t get the joke, but you still have to deal with 400 people staring blankly at you.

Exactly! There’s 400 of us and we didn’t get it, so maybe that says something.

If one person is doubled over laughing, maybe you got a bad crowd, but nobody laughing is a problem.

Exactly. For me the audience was this amazing place for me to go to get proof that I wasn’t a freak. That was an amazing experience. To hear people laughing. To hear people recognizing themselves in my experiences. When you’re neurotic, that is an extraordinary gift to be able to get from the audience. To hear them go, yeah, that’s happened to me too. At the same time, for someone who has struggled with self-esteem issues, to put myself in front of 400 people, where you’re looking to these people for your sense of self-worth, wasn’t a healthy thing.

As far as less humorous projects, I heard Seed, which was a show where you paired writers and musicians to create new work directly inspired by each other. It was an incredible show. Are you interested in doing that again?

That show was the thing that I’m the most proud of that I’ve ever produced. I’m really interested in that interplay between artists and hooking people up and seeing how art affects art directly. Musicians are affected by prose writers all the time and are inspired by them, and vice versa and it was amazing to be able to see that happen in a very direct way. I can’t tell you how inspiring it was for me to watch the other people. I thought the cool thing would be to just hear the new work, but the real cool thing being there was watching the people see this new work created based on their stuff. They were like kids, they were so excited.

My story was obviously a story where I hadn’t been able to find the rights to say to this person who’d said something super shitty to me — and this band wrote a song. It was incredibly satisfying. It’s really hard for me to figure out that line and to trust that people are going to be interested in reading my work if I don’t throw humor in there. I think that it’s what I’ve been doing for ten years and it’s scary to think of writing something that doesn’t. I don’t think that humor is a crutch, but it’s a style. I have a voice and my writing voice has humor in it. It’s definitely out of my comfort zone, but I’m interested in it and I hope that people will want to stick with me through a piece that doesn’t have any jokes in it.

Is there anything you want to do on Live Wire that you haven’t had the chance to do yet?

I would love to do something like Seed on the show. That has to do with budget. With Seed, I didn’t pay people a huge amount of money but it was really important to me that I paid them a respectable amount of money to do that work on that show. I think that giving writers or creators of any type a project and a deadline is a gift to them. The thing that I love the most about Seed is all of this work exists now that didn’t exist before it happened. That’s the best thing about it. People now have this work and people were able to see it and hear it and it was made because of this project. That’s exciting for me. I’d like for Live Wire to be that way too

It’s nice to hear that you paid people!

I know! [laughs] One of the things that I love about Live Wire is that every single show we have a writer from the community on our writing staff. We bring in a local humor writer and again, we pay them. We don’t pay them enough, but we do pay them. There are some people who are our guest writers who have never been paid to write comedy before. Like Ben Coleman — I just thought he was funny on twitter so I asked him to come in. We have such a strong writing staff, but every time you bring in someone from the community it ups everybody’s game a little bit.

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Not the Kind of Magical Device We Were Thinking of

Not the Kind of Magical Device We Were Thinking of

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He Hasn’t Quite Grasped the Concept of “Shadows” Yet

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This Puppy Sized Spider Hunts Birds in the Rainforest!

This Puppy Sized Spider Hunts Birds in the Rainforest!

Via Discovery:

Known as the South American Goliath birdeater (Theraphosa blondi), the colossal arachnid is the world's largest spider, according to Guinness World Records. Its leg span can reach up to a foot (30 centimeters), or about the size of "a child's forearm," with a body the size of "a large fist," Naskrecki told Live Science. And the spider can weigh more than 6 oz. (170 grams) — about as much as a young puppy, the scientist wrote on his blog.

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Give Your Girl Some Space

Give Your Girl Some Space

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That Seems Dangerous

That Seems Dangerous

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Detroit

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Eric Andre Grosses Out Lauren Conrad In The New Season Of ‘The Eric Andre Show’

Fans of Eric Andre know his "talk show" really isn't a talk show at all. That's the joke: doing a ludicrous version of a talk show to make fun of the stereotypical talk show format.

Some of his guests, however, are not in on the joke before they come in. Which can be disconcerting when Andre is slurping spaghetti (like he did with Demi Lovato), wrecking the set or any of his other normal hijinks.

Maybe his biggest gag yet is coming this season, Andre said. The comedian spilled some details on his stomach-turning interview with former reality star Lauren Conrad.

"She's a little bit upset at me. I'm sure she's not a big fan," Andre told host Ricky Camilleri. "I puked during her interview then I ate my puke back up. She left. She was upset."

Andre said he usually tries to chat with his guests afterward to let them know that it's all a joke and that's now actually what he thinks would make a good talk show. Conrad, though, didn't stick around for an explanation.

"She had her sunglasses on and she was ready to leave the building," he said with a laugh.

In past seasons, Andre said he prepped guests before the show started to give a hint of what they were in for. This year, he decided to shirk the practice.

"This season I was just like 'Fuck it, I'm just going to be crazy,'" Andre said.

Watch the rest of the clip above, and catch the full HuffPost Live conversation — including Andre ranting about pizza and wanting to meditate with Arianna Huffington — here.

Sign up here for Live Today, HuffPost Live's new morning email that will let you know the newsmakers, celebrities and politicians joining us that day and give you the best clips from the day before!

32 ‘Sexy’ Halloween Costumes That Make Absolutely No Sense

There's nothing wrong with a "sexy" Halloween costume, but lately the term "sexy" has been used just a bit too loosely, especially in the case of commercially produced costumes.

When every option out there is Sexy This and Sexy That, eventually you run out of good ideas. We updated our original post to find even more costumes that someone thought needed to be inexplicably sexed up, even though they had no business doing so.

Play That Funky Ukulele, White Boy

"It's hard to be depressed around a ukulele. You just pick it up and you're halfway home." -- William H. Macy in The New Yorker


Me, I was born with rhythm and soul -- almost too much.

I credit my Norwegian heritage for my innate sense of rhythm and musicianship that has been just one trademark of my creative life. The late soul man James Brown was Norwegian -- a little known fact, so little known its authenticity has been disputed. Norwegians, in fact, discovered hip-hop not so much as a way of creating powerful socio-political commentary but as a way of not jumping into the nearest fiord during their eternal winters.

The challenge for me has been how to best express my gifts lest the creeping onset of restlessness and immaturity devour me completely. In other words, what instrument would best quench my artistic thirst?

Then, the ukulele called to me.

Ukes are enjoying a resurgence that is baffling particularly to, say, oboe enthusiasts still waiting for their instrument to get hot. Why the uke's popularity? Tiny Tim doesn't count. Maybe credit Train's mega-hit "Hey Soul Sister" or, more likely, the lasting greatness that was the Hawaiian musician IZ, whose "Over the Rainbow" rendition reincarnated the ukulele sound.

I needed me one of them, so last week I went to Severna Park to see a woman about a ukulele.

I bought the cheapest one I could find, $52, and cradled the toy guitar. Never before have my hands felt so big and powerful. Already, I felt halfway home.

I planned on doing nothing more than holding the instrument rather than learning how to play it for learning new things is very taxing. Reminds me of a young man who in 1983 rented a saxophone for six months just because he liked the way it looked strapped to his less-than-strapping chest. The young man eventually turned the sax back in, having never played a song.

But this time I should learn to play something. The uke has only four strings. How hard can it be? Should take me a couple of weeks before I'm busting out with "Stairway to Heaven" or "Layla." Will take me less time to master IZ's "Over the Rainbow," which I will learn once I learn what the heck to do with these A,E,C and G notes. Why they aren't rightly assembled A, B, C and D probably is a sore point with uke manufacturers, so I'll drop it.

To enhance my innate musical talents, I found a book online called "Ukulele for Dummies." I noticed the book is 360 pages. Seems to me a book for dummies about playing the so-called easiest instrument should be about 6 pages. Anyway, I found a cheat sheet for the book diagramming "easy" ukulele chords. I opted against a Metallica ukulele songbook because the music frightens me from any instrument.

The word "easy" should never be attached to any learning, especially music learnin.' As it turns out, a ukulele does not play itself. I have to learn to make music and not just wear the thing around my chest.

Well, I am in a hobby slump, so maybe it's time to do some music learnin.'

Who knows, one day I might serenade tourists at Annapolis' City Dock in the cool of some colonial evening:

"Play Pinball Wizard!" "No, play Jumpin' Jack Flash!" "Hendrix!" the requests will come.

"No, kind people," I will say.

There shall be no Stones or Who or Metallica coming from my ukulele. Instead, I hope to conjure the spirit of the late Hawaiian mountain of a man, Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwo'ole, whose "Over the Rainbow" will break then mend your heart.

And take you all the way home.

The Best Homer Mug

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Kill Me Pls

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Two Years Progress

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Dana Carvey Impersonates Neil Young, Michael Caine, and More on ‘Conan’

by Megh Wright

Here's a clip from last night's Conan with guest Dana Carvey, who improvises a song about band member LaBamba's weird new horn Neil Young-style. Watch Carvey impersonate Scarface, Liam Neeson, George W. Bush, Michael Caine, and more below:


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Copy And Paste T-Shirts

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The Scariest Book of All Time

The Scariest Book of All Time

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I See You Down There!

I See You Down There!

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We’ve Got Destiny, We’re Good Babe

We've Got Destiny, We're Good Babe

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Infographic: Tips For Finding The Right Doctor

Every person has different needs and preferences when it comes to health care, which is why it’s essential to find a high-quality physician whom you trust and respect.

Do You Want Denim Wizard Sleeves?

Do You Want Denim Wizard Sleeves?

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Get The Hammer Out of Daddy’s Hands

My father did so many things well...but I have to confess that it was downright terrifying to see him enter Moody's True Value Hardware Store in Montgomery, AL with a project on his mind.

Now your basic things were no big deal....fertilizer for the grass, a can of paint, maybe even something as difficult as replacing a washer in the occasional leaky faucet...a new hose with a spray nozzle that had every selection (spray, fan, flat, trickle, etc) EXCEPT plain old water. He loved the one you set on JET that blew plants right out of the ground.

Scary was anything involving wood...this meant some sort of shelving. Out in the tool room this wasn't such a big deal....it just meant the paint cans slowly slid to one end of the shelf over a year's period or the other. In the pantry, you needed to make sure cans of food were totally flat on the bottom or they would roll right out onto your toes....the 14.5 ounce cans of tomatoes hurt the most.

I am talking carpentry here.

When we first moved to Montgomery, Daddy decided to build a wonderful deep set of shelves with a nice overhang to hold all of our schoolbooks and such....it was in the room that brother Laird and I shared at the time. The overhang had a fluorescent light attached brighter than the rising sun....no kidding, it would burn the print right off of the pages. Then there was the spindly desk underneath. It was the shelves, solidly constructed of 2 X 4's, nice thick plywood, this was truly his crowning achievement and he enjoyed showing off his handiwork to his buddies. II am sure it weighed over 1,000 pounds and was there to stay, hear me, there to stay!

And so it stayed until a fateful Sunday lunch....we heard some strange creakings, weird groanings.....since we were all at the table, Mom couldn't shouldn't out someone's name to stop what they were doing. It got worse, and the ensuing giant roar had all of is crowding down the hall to see Daddy's masterpiece all over the bedroom. He had missed that critical part of attaching the main parts to the studs in the wall....so it just ripped that sheetrock off the wall. Dust was just everywhere, and the pitiful desk was flattened underneath this magnificent piece of carpentry. Daddy was in tears.

Don't get me started on the shelves he built for the library....they still lean north, south, east, and west, but apparently ARE well-anchored in the studs. The bindings on the books are goners, though.

I can't imagine the mayhem in our lives if those mega-hardware stores like Lowe's and Home Depot had been around. He could have just gotten into all sorts of trouble. Heaven help us.

Get the hammer out of his hands.

Having A Disney Princess For A Best Friend Is The Worst Idea Ever

You might have once dreamed of being a Disney princess and doing Disney princess things with all your Disney princess friends.

But the reality of that dream probably wouldn't match the fantasy you were hoping for.

Why? Because you'd end up with friends who can't stand up for themselves without a man. Or you'd have to deal with a friend like Pocahontas who would make you feel the colors of the wind instead of consult your iPhone weather app. Just imagine being friends with Jasmine: she'd shoplift all the time, just like her boyfriend taught her to do.

Oh, and don't be surprised when your princess friends randomly break out in song. Any time. Any place. Anywhere.

H/T BuzzFeed

Mask Down: Gay Biker and Straight Vampires

2014-10-21-Skull.jpg
Years ago, I spotted the chubby gay guy, his hairy butt hanging out of leather chaps. He stood on a patch of lawn, bare-chested in a studded harness, sipping a beer. "I want to talk to that guy," I said. As outcasts at a Halloween party, my husband and I were drawn to a fellow misfit.

Two weeks earlier Mark the scientist sent us an invitation, "Come as a vampire, or in black and white theme." David and I decked out in his-and-her vampire attire, a black Morticia-style gown and a bloodstained tuxedo. Our faces were painted in rotting shades of green, and we donned sharp, yellow fangs.

Upon arrival at Dr. Mark's Victorian home in San Francisco, we went green under our grease paint to discover no one else was in costume. Hipsters present choose the black and white theme: black jeans and expensive white tees.

If this were a village, we were the idiots, and that's when I looked out the window and spotted The Village Person, duded up in black leather biker garb, smoking a cigarette. "Let's go," I lisped in my fangs.

Normally, the guy would not be my cup of tea. He was a smoker. But at that moment, I had a wider worldview.

Downstairs Burl seemed fine in his solitude. After all, you don't sport a hirsute backside if you really worry about what people think. Still, he welcomed us, the shy vampires.

The party was not far from the Castro, San Francisco's gay neighborhood where Burl lived, and his black leather certainly fit the color scheme. Since the party was made up of our host's straight medical colleagues, it seemed a bold move.

"Oh, I'm not alone, honey. This place is teeming with queers," Burl said.

I looked around the garden, filling quickly with straight revelers.

"I don't think so," I said.

"Oh, please. See that guy over there? Gay. The buff guy who walked in with two ladies? Not fooling anyone. That Norseman? Totally gay but won't admit it. Now he's got a lot of potential."

I said, "No way on the Norseman!"

"Way," said Burl.

Time passed, beers were downed, and a bright overhead moon gave us a cozy camaraderie that leads to confessions only a stranger can make to another stranger. Burl told us his long time partner had died of AIDS a year ago. Out gushed his fears of illness, loneliness, how hard it is to meet a soul mate. His voice cracked, "Michael was perfect in every way, I could never be that happy again."

My heart warmed to Burl, a human being cast adrift, and he put his hand on my shoulder, "You two look really happy. You don't know how lucky you are."

There we were in the moonlight, two vampires and our bare-bummed buddy in chaps counting our blessings.

Burl was an unexpected personality at the party. Who knew our straight-laced host had such friends? It led me to ask, "So how do you know Mark?"

"Who's that? I don't know anybody here. I was walking by the house and crashed the party."

At that moment, the Norseman made his approach and tipped his shield. "Well, some people know how to dress for a party. Hi, I'm Jim."

Our new friend brightened and extended his hand first, "I'm Burl."

David and I gave greetings and took our cue to exit stage left, playing our part in serendipity.

Enjoy Your Heart Attack

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Bill Murray and Jimmy Kimmel Talk Spontaneity, Parenting, Tinder, and More

by Megh Wright

Bill Murray was a guest on last night's Jimmy Kimmel Live, where he talked about everything from his spontaneous reputation to working at Little Caesars to his most valuable parenting advice for Kimmel. Watch more of Murray's interview below:



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Heartbreak Ensued

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In The Fight Against Brooms, Dogs Win Every Time

In case you didn't know, dogs are way stronger, way brighter and way more savvy than brooms.

That's right. Brooms.

But if you don't believe us, watch above to see a bunch of pups showing cleaning tools who's really in charge. It's pretty adorable.

H/T Tastefully Offensive

Jim Carrey Does His Best Aidy Bryant Impersonation in His ‘SNL’ Promos

by Megh Wright

Here's the promo reel for this week's SNL hosted by Jim Carrey, which is full of spooky Halloween references, attempts to start trending online, and Carrey's spot-on impersonation of cast member Aidy Bryant.

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Beer Mug Cupcakes

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A Meal You Can Cuddle First

A Meal You Can Cuddle First

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That’s a Giant Solar Flare!

That's a Giant Solar Flare!

Via Space.com

A monster solar flare erupted early Sunday (Oct. 19) from a huge sunspot that may just be getting warmed up.

The sun fired off an X-class solar flare — the most powerful type — that peaked at 1:01 a.m. EDT (5:01 GMT) Sunday. NASA's Solar Dynamics Observatory (SDO) spacecraft captured photos and video of the intense sun storm, which researchers classified as an X1.1 flare.

The flare erupted from a sunspot called AR (Active Region) 2192, which has since grown to become 78,000 miles (125,000 kilometers) wide, according to Spaceweather.com — almost as big as the planet Jupiter.

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Midterm Elections Are Coming Up…

Midterm Elections Are Coming Up...

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Meet the Gun Family

Meet the Gun Family

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3-Legged Chihuahua Tries On Adorable Doll Hand Just For Funsies

What has three paws, one hand and an irresistibly cute smile?

Chacha the chihuahua, whose human, Redditor extreme_matt, enjoys lending her a helping hand from time to time. In the absence of a paw, Matt jokingly slid a doll's hand over Chacha's stump and snapped a couple pictures -- documenting a temporary joke which, if the pictures are any indication, even the pup found hilarious.

Chacha broke her paw when she was just a puppy, says Matt, at which point doctors amputated the paw because the blood vessels were too small to reattach it.

"She's been missing that paw since she was 8 weeks old," Matt added in another comment. "At the time of the pictures she was 9 years old, so it doesn't bother her. As far as the hand, it was just a doll hand I found at a thrift store and it just [happened] to fit on her nubbin perfect. It's not like we left it on there or anything, just stuck it on and took a few pictures."

We're glad you did, Matt.

PHOTOS of Chacha and her hand. Scroll all the way to the last picture for pure joy:





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So, How Are You Doing This?

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Vegan Steaks

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So Many Victims

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7 Insane Lessons From Inside an Apocalyptic Cult

By Robert Evans,Carmen Burana,Boze Herrington

50 Gaping Plot Holes You Didn’t Notice in ‘Batman Begins’

By CinemaSins

The 6 Most Horrifying Ways Anyone Ever Made Money

By B.T. Doran

16 Places Everyone Pictures Incorrectly (Thanks to Movies)

By CRACKED Readers

5 Insane Celebrity Jack-o’-Lantern Stencils (Tested)

By Chris Rio

5 Ways Society Is Sexist Against Men (and How We Can Fix It)

By CRACKED Staff

M’Lady

M'Lady

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Another Missed Opportunity, Scientists

Another Missed Opportunity, Scientists

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Maybe You Should Have Focused on Your Bookshelf and Bathroom

Maybe You Should Have Focused on Your Bookshelf and Bathroom

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Just Like a Light Switch

Just Like a Light Switch

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Rekt

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Kansas City Chiefs Kicker Cairo Santos in Comparison With His Teammates

Kansas City Chiefs Kicker Cairo Santos in Comparison With His Teammates

That whole joke about kickers being small? It exists for a reason!

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(617): At 38 I had to open a…

(617): At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.

Everybody Knows This Is How It Works

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(617): I feel like I should…

(617): I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object.

(818): With great liquor, comes…

(818): With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.

(607): In two separate…

(607): In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.

(520): No, the high point was when…

(520): No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.

I’m Officially Impressed

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The post I’m Officially Impressed appeared first on The Meta Picture.

Serve the Kid Up Julienne, Please

Serve the Kid Up Julienne, Please

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Slow”bro”

Slow

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Hey, What Are You Guys D- Oh…

Hey, What Are You Guys D- Oh...

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Tagged: washington monument , i see what youre doing there Share on Facebook

Not Quite the Right Idea

Not Quite the Right Idea

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The Latest in Ultrasound Technology

The Latest in Ultrasound Technology

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The Cruelty of Science

The Cruelty of Science

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That’s a Sweet Sword

That's a Sweet Sword

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It Still Makes Me Tremble

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(901): I don’t want any of…

(901): I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.

(226): We hooked up last night. I…

(226): We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.

(248): We’re doing a team…

(248): We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.

(550): She said she is going to be…

(550): She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?

Behold The Mighty McThor

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When I Said “Rule the Galaxy as Father and Son,” I Meant the “Galaxy” of Our Relationship!

When I Said

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(518): He danced with some other…

(518): He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him.

(231): Rumor has it that you want…

(231): Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.

Feeding The Wild Teddy Bears

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(850): high moment I think I just…

(850): high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana.

(240): Let’s make an…

(240): Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.

The Difference Between Freedom And Slavery Is One Thin Line

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(818): Don’t drink and shop. I…

(818): Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.

(304): You got this. You survived…

(304): You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.).

The Doris Syndrome

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Never Have Your Best Friend Send You a Package

Never Have Your Best Friend Send You a Package

They'll make you regret it.

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Cover Art vs. Actual Game

Cover Art vs. Actual Game

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Inspirational Math

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A Sword In The Darkness

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How To Be Successful With Women

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Bae Caught Me Choppin’

Bae Caught Me Choppin'

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Hey, Remember Bath Salts?

Hey, Remember Bath Salts?

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Creative Halloween Bra

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The post Creative Halloween Bra appeared first on The Meta Picture.

The Circle Of Failure

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That’s My Bro

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Surprise, Birdie

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He Was The Best Trainer

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Oh, I Know That Feeling

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New Andy Capp for 10/22/2014

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New The Other Coast for 10/22/2014

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New Herb and Jamaal for 10/22/2014

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