Probably The Dumbest One-Liner Jokes

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Doesn’t Anybody Listen to the Rules?!

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Upgraded Beatles Lyrics 2.0

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Upgraded Beatles Lyrics 2.0

All You Need Is Like, Like Is All You Need

Yelp! I Need Somebody.

Yes2day

I.M The Walrus

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club's Bandwidth

With A Little Help From My Facebook Friends

Baby, You Can Drive My Prius

Paperback Writer: Kindle Edition

Let It B2B

Do You Want To Know My Password? Do You Promise Not To Tell?

She Came In Through The Bathroom Windows 10

While My Guitar Hero Gently Weeps

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Delicious M&M Cookie Cake

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Haunted Pancakes

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Maybe Political Correctness Isn’t Ruining Comedy

The seemingly never-ending war on political correctness has felt particularly salient these past few years. For every self-righteous person on Twitter who is slightly too quick to label a relatively innocuous piece of media as problematic, there is another person out there making unambiguously offensive statements and then defensively claiming, “no one can take a […]

ABC Orders Celebrity Game Show ‘Big Fan’ Hosted by Andy Richter

Not even a week after the concept behind James Corden’s Late Late Show “Carpool Karaoke” was poached by Spike for a new game show, today ABC added a new game show inspired by one of its own segments from Jimmy Kimmel Live. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the network has ordered six episodes of a […]

Eli Manning Texts Peyton That He Still Has More Super Bowls Than His Brother

Eli Manning Texts Peyton That He Still Has More Super Bowls Than His Brother

Eli Manning Texts Peyton That He Stil... Description: It seems Eli can't let Peyton bask in the glory of his big brother's Super Bowl win for more than a day. Submitted by: Funny Or Die Regular Keywords: Peyton manning Eli manning manning brothers super bowl 50 manning super bowl Broncos panthers Super bowl texts eli texts peyton Views: 16

Man Plugs Neck Wound With Shwarma (And Other Crazy True Survival Tales)

Medical science is always coming up with new life-saving methods.


But sometimes, in a pinch, people have to rely on whatever they have handy -- like a shwarma sandwich.

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Miraculous Survival In The Desert

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Probably A Hilarious Story

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This Dude Eating a Dozen Taco Bell Tacos in Under a Minute and a Half Has Solidified My Lunch Plans

Hidden Room In The New House

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Just Beat It

Storm Imogen Is Coming for Your Trampolines

A storm is raging in the UK causing high winds and dangerous seas. Experts warn residents to stay safe and secure their lawn furniture. Even with extra precautions, Storm Imogen is carrying out a personal vendetta against trampolines and so far, the storm is winning.

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Lady Gaga Dancing to the Super Bowl Half Time Show Was All of Us At Home (in Spirit)

Yasss Lady Gaga #SB50 #SuperBowl pic.twitter.com/QAJCrmz60w

— Manu | Lady Gaga (@HAUSOFVICTOR15) February 8, 2016

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News in Brief: Saudi Authorities Decry Wasteful 3-Hour Death-Row Appeals Process

RIYADH, SAUDI ARABIA—Criticizing the amount of time and money wasted between a condemned individual’s sentencing and eventual execution, Saudi government officials expressed frustration Monday over the country’s costly three-hour appeals process for convicts facing the death penalty. “We can’t allow our courts to be bogged down by these frivolous challenges, which are a drain on resources and can delay justice for much of the afternoon,” said prosecutor Ayman al-Kazaz, who added that paying to feed and house capital offenders for up to 180 minutes was “unconscionable.” “What should be a fairly straightforward process is often needlessly put on hold or pushed back until a later part of the day, and these guys waiting for their appeals to be heard are allowed to spend the intervening hour or two just kicking back in a jail cell. It’s ridiculous.” Al-Kazaz later admitted he was optimistic the government ...


When You’re 23

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The Bathroom

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He Did It First!

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The Numa Numa legend Gary Brolsma.

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Yep, That Should Fix It

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Shots Fired By The Local Barber Shop

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Weird Al and Gilbert Gottfried Were a Surprisingly Perfect Match on Gottfried’s ‘Amazing, Colossal Podcast’

Pod-Canon is an ongoing tribute to the greatest individual comedy-related podcast episodes of all time. Gilbert Gottfried doesn’t necessarily seem like someone who would make a smooth segue into podcasting. He seems less interested in conversation than in broadcasting his own voice as loudly as possible. Then again, Marc Maron also seems primarily, if not […]

Did You Know Will Ferrell is an Exotic Animal Expert?

Scott Aukerman Announces a ‘Comedy Bang! Bang!’ Tour with Lauren Lapkus, Paul F. Tompkins, and Neil Campbell

Scott Aukerman is going on tour with some Comedy Bang! Bang! pals. Aukerman revealed today that he’s taking Comedy Bang! Bang! on the road for a North American tour of live podcast tapings alongside guests Lauren Lapkus, Paul F. Tompkins, and Neil Campbell. The tour will make stops in Toronto, New York, Austin, Denver, San […]

Ultra-Realistic Fantasy Dolls By Santani

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Dogs Never Lie

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But What Do You Yell?

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Everyone Knows There Are Two Kinds Of People On This World

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News in Brief: Grandma Happy To Babysit While Couple Desperately Attempts To Rekindle Relationship

WILBRAHAM, MA—Saying she would be thrilled to babysit for a couple days, area grandmother Margie Callahan has offered to watch her two grandchildren while their parents spend a weekend desperately trying to revive their marriage, sources reported Monday. “It’ll be great to have little Ethan and Emma come stay over with Pop-Pop and I,” said Callahan, who explained that she could bake cookies with the children, take them to the zoo, and watch Bob The Builder with them during the 48-hour window in which her daughter and son-in-law will visit a nearby resort and spa in an attempt to salvage any romantic feelings that may still exist between them. “We’ll find lots of fun things to do. You two just go enjoy yourselves and don’t worry about us.” Callahan’s daughter then reportedly thanked her, adding that if something came up with the kids while she ...


Gender Equality Means Science Doesn’t Excuse Women From Testing Too!

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To be Read in Danny DeVito’s Voice

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Fabulous Pug

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Larry David Was Better Than Just Pretty, Pretty, Pretty Good on ‘SNL’

For a guy who only served as a writer on Saturday Night Live for one year in the ’80s (and famously showed up for work a few days after quitting like nothing had happened), Seinfeld creator and Curb Your Enthusiasm star Larry David’s first stint as SNL host felt just like a beloved former cast […]

Schrodinger Theory Applied To Douchebags

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American Voices: Oxford Apologizes For Sexist Definition

Oxford Dictionaries has responded to anthropologist Michael Oman-Reagan after the latter argued their definition of “rabid” was sexist due to its use of the example phrase “rabid feminist,” a term that Oxford has promised to revisit and potentially revise in their collection going forward. What do you think?


$600 Apple Watch

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Fans on Both Sides Agree, ‘Woo Guy’ Was the Worst Part of the Super Bowl

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Who is Woo Guy? He placed himself by the microphone and woo-ed through all of Super Bowl 50, regardless of what was happening. Once you hear it, you can't stop hearing it. He was probably just having a good time, but people hate him for it.

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Dafuq is This Escaped Zebra Drill?

How Most Prices Should Be Established

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Welcome To My Beautiful Country

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Now The World May Never Know

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Watch Some Clips from Stephen Colbert’s Live Post-Super Bowl Special

The Late Show with Stephen Colbert aired a live, post-Super Bowl special last night, and Colbert was joined by a round of special guests including Tina Fey, Will Ferrell, Key and Peele, and even President Obama. Check out Key and Peele’s brand new Hingle McCringleberry sketch with Colbert above, then watch some more clips below […]

Google It, The Results Will Barack Him Up

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This Year Sucked, Honestly

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Underrated Movie

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Taking His Ducks For A Walk

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Life As A Common Student

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Is There Anything More Exciting Than Being a Historic Vote?

He Who Smelt It…

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Leveled Art

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Sometimes I Just Think Bad Thoughts

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Evilmilk Picture Overflow 130

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World’s Best Maid of Honor Sings Come Sail Away as Cartman

These Family Genes are Strong Enough to Withstand the Internet Trying to Decipher Which is the Mom

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This quick family photo has people online breaking out their junior-sleuth kits to figure out which of the three is the Mother.

If you need a bit of a tip, watch the video for a clue.

#momtwin&me 💗💗my mom thought it was a pic.😂 pic.twitter.com/fbQvbYRj4K

— Kaylan Mahomes (@kaylan_17) January 30, 2016

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This is Exactly Why They Have Permanent Records

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Dachshund Panorama

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Awesome Library Cake

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(480): Your babysitter texted,…

(480): Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?

(615): How do I put this……

(615): How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers.

Wait, This Isn’t Even My Final Form

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What a Beautiful Morning, or Is It? Does It Matter?

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Water Most Definitely Flowed Upon the Surface of Mars

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What's significant about the latest find is that the rocks are the "first ever" discovered on the Red Planet to contain streambed gravels. The rocks were found by Curiosity last fall. Examining them over time, researchers actually were able to determine how deep and fast the water flowed at that location. "At a minimum, the stream was flowing at a speed equivalent to a walking pace -- a meter, or three feet, per second -- and it was ankle-deep to hip-deep," Rebecca Williams of the P

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(406): We just had sex on an…

(406): We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.

Well, One Of Them Is Going To Have To Change

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(402): Hey, what’s a nice way…

(402): Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?

(615): Somehow his homemade liquor…

(615): Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.

Volcano From Space

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(248): I’m owning this being a…

(248): I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!

(504): My husband was abducted by…

(504): My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras.

Work Vs. Home

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The First 9 Months Are the Worst on the Host Though

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The Reason I Hate YouTube Tutorials

The Super Bowl Was Pretty Tame This Year, But Here’s What the Internet Has to Say About It

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(440): Congrats on dating a…

(440): Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.

(702): I let him use my phone and…

(702): I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.

(613): I got her number but I…

(613): I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name.

When Domino’s Employees Get Bored

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(425): I lost my voice. So I’m…

(425): I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.

(360): Why is there never any…

(360): Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?

Whoa, I Didn’t Know She Was THAT Freaky

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Batman Skips Church

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If You’re Photobombing Kate Upton, You’ve Gotta Go Hard

People In 2016

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New Bed For The Cat

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But He Was Just A Kid Yesterday

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Puppy Dogs 10

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New B.C. for 02/08/2016

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New Momma for 02/08/2016

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New Agnes for 02/08/2016

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New The Other Coast for 02/08/2016

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New The Meaning of Lila for 02/08/2016

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New Herb and Jamaal for 02/08/2016

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New Dogs of C-Kennel for 02/08/2016

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New Wizard of Id for 02/08/2016

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New Andy Capp for 02/08/2016

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New Heathcliff for 02/08/2016

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Obama Knew Who Was Going To Win The Super Bowl… Last Week



Being president has its perks, according to Barack Obama, who stopped by "The Late Show with Stephen Colbert" on Sunday night to congratulate the Denver Broncos on their Super Bowl win over the Carolina Panthers.


The thing is, Obama taped the message last week.


In the clip, Colbert tossed a football around the planet to soldiers in Afghanistan, astronaut Scott Kelly, Chewbacca and finally, the president. Obama then claimed his favorite moment of the big game happened when the "winning team sealed the deal with a touchdown thanks to the guy that was really good" before he was called out for not actually watching the event.


Obama went on to congratulate the Broncos after admitting the message was pre-taped, explaining that the whole ordeal was the plot to "National Treasure 3," referencing the Nicholas Cage historical film franchise.


“It turns out, all of the Super Bowl winners for the next 50 years are written on the back of the Constitution," Obama joked.


Take a look at the goofy clip above, including a reprimand from the first lady for throwing a football in the White House.


Also on HuffPost:


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What Really Makes Us Happy

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Canadian Economy

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Importance Of Education

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Generic Party

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Subway Pun Game

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Super Bowl Ads Play It Safe, Sticking to the Script

Though some commercials were more serious and socially conscious, many advertisers dusted off their well-worn playbooks and went for laughs.

When Your Brother Wins ANOTHER Super Bowl

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Choosing The Movie

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The Trumpening (Donald Trump / The Conjuring Mashup)

The Trumpening (Donald Trump / The Conjuring Mashup)

The Trumpening (Donald Trump / The Co... 1:30 Donald Trump stars in the scariest American horror movie of all time. Based on a true story. Submitted by: booyapictures Regular Keywords: donald trump trump politics Republican GOP presidential election president Ted Cruz Marco Rubio Jeb Bush Ben Carson Chris Christie Carla Fiorina Jim Gilmore John Kasich mashup The Conjuring The Conjuring 2 Horror booyapictures Views: 67

They Were Taking a Cat-Nap on the Field

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Feline Love

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When Coldplay is the Headliner of the Halftime Show, Everybody Loses

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Confusing Your Friends The Right Way

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Only Two Types Of Food In The World

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I’m Buying A Volkswagen Only For This Purpose

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Being In A Storm

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Sports News in Brief: Peyton Manning Declares He Has At Least One More Surgery In Him

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following his team’s 24-10 win in Super Bowl 50, Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning ended weeks of speculation surrounding his future by announcing Sunday that he has at least one more surgery in him. “I’ve had a long run and been a part of a lot of pretty big surgeries, but I still think I’ve got one more major operation left in the tank,” said Manning, adding that he had deliberated for the past six months with friends, family, and medical specialists before deciding that he wasn’t ready to hang up his hospital gown for good. “Ultimately, I have to listen to my body, but I’ll keep going as long as I can still handle the anesthesia. I just can’t imagine myself never being under those bright lights in the operating room again. I’ll get on the gurney one more ...


Sports News in Brief: Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday. “To go out on top with a Super Bowl win, there’s no better way to end our time in the league,” read a joint statement released by quarterback Peyton Manning, general manager John Elway, head coach Gary Kubiak, all 22 assistant coaches, every executive in the Broncos’ front office, and every player on the Broncos’ roster, as well as the organization’s trainers, equipment managers, scouting personnel, medical staff, executive assistants, marketing team, IT team, human resources department, receptionists, security guards, and janitors, and the Sports Authority Stadium at Mile High ushers, grounds crew, and food vendors. “It was a tough decision to make, but ultimately, we realized that we’d accomplished everything we set out to do, and ...


Perfect Spot

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Dangerous Snakes

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News in Brief: Area Dad Spends Super Bowl Looking Regretfully At Son Who Wasn’t Allowed To Play Football

WESTERVILLE, OH—Repeatedly glancing away from the television while the rest of his family excitedly watched the game, local father Doug Bryant reportedly spent most of the Super Bowl 50 broadcast Sunday looking regretfully at his 17-year-old son, Alex, who was never allowed to play football. “Some game so far, huh?” said Bryant, clapping his son on the shoulder as they watched the game together, all the while ruefully recalling how he and his wife had refused his son’s requests to play Pop Warner football over the years, thus preventing him from ever discovering a talent for the sport, competing at a high level, and perhaps someday even making it all the way to the Super Bowl himself as a star NFL player. “That was a heck of a play right there. Great catch, and what a throw, too. Just awesome.” Sources also confirmed that at one point during ...


So That’s How It All Started

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Security Warning Boxes

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Builders Surprise Public With Loud Empowering

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He Has Been Waiting For You

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Sports News in Brief: Super Bowl Halftime Show Marred By Functioning Sound System

SANTA CLARA, CA—Disappointing the thousands of fans in attendance as well as an estimated 100 million viewers watching at home, the Super Bowl 50 halftime show was marred Sunday by the stadium’s functioning sound system, sources confirmed. “Right from the beginning, the sound was working normally, and unfortunately, I could clearly hear the singing,” said 29-year-old spectator Joe Kessler, adding that the show’s audio feed, which was amplified throughout the stadium and transmitted to television broadcasts with no technical issues, made the performances by Beyonce, Coldplay, and Bruno Mars completely unbearable. “There was definitely nothing wrong with the speakers or the microphones. It’s a shame, because the perfect sound quality just ruined the whole thing.” Kessler added that he hopes Super Bowl organizers would learn from the incident and avoid a similar disaster next year.


So This Is Why Women Live Longer Than Men

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Nice Try But No Banana

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Sports News in Brief: Surviving Members Of First Championship Team Honored During Puppy Bowl Halftime

NEW YORK—Slowly making their way out to midfield with the assistance of their owners, surviving members of the first Puppy Bowl championship team were honored at Animal Planet Stadium during Sunday’s Kitty Half-Time Show. “Tonight, we are proud to recognize the accomplishments of these iconic legends whose exceptional playfulness on the sport’s cutest stage paved the way for future generations of puppy players,” announcer Dan Schachner said before introducing the aging title-winners—several of whom are now blind or whose hind legs are supported by a wheelchair—and giving each dog a commemorative Puppy Bowl I chew toy. “Of course, no one will ever forget ‘The Fetch’—the defining moment of that first Puppy Bowl and arguably the most adorable play in puppy football history—when Cocoa sniffed out an opposing wagging-tailback in the barkfield, retrieved the plush ball, and took it all the way to the ...


So The Answer Was There All Along

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News in Brief: Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed. “I looked downfield for a few seconds, and when I looked back, he was gone—we all just started panicking and trying to figure out what happened,” said Cooper Manning, adding that his brother was soon spotted roaming aimlessly near the sideline. “We always tell him, ‘Peyton, you have to stay inside the pocket so we know you’re safe,’ but sometimes he just forgets where he is. Thank God he’s okay, but my heart was in my mouth for a few minutes there. He has to be more aware of his surroundings, because next time we might ...


Kronk Costume Win

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DIY Magnificent Glowing Shelves

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Four Dweebs Try Out VR Porn and are Terrible at It

Like Sarah But With A F

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The Type Of Parents Every Kid Needs

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Pay Attention To Me, Human

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Do You Trust That Doctor?

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Macklemore Has Been Fooling Us

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Well That’s a Motorcycle Stunt

Sorting Cone

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Sports News in Brief: Nervous Peyton Manning Feeling Better After Vomiting Blood Before Game

SANTA CLARA, CA—Having suffered from intense pregame nerves just 30 minutes before the kickoff of Super Bowl 50, Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning confirmed Sunday that he felt much better after throwing up blood in the locker room. “I always get major butterflies right before a big game, so it’s nice to just get it out of my system,” Manning said while wiping smeared blood from around his mouth with a paper towel, having spent over 20 minutes vomiting blood into a toilet until he was left dry-heaving. “It’s good to be nervous, though. This has just become part of my routine over the last few years.” Manning added that he also likes to spend a few minutes hitting a punching bag before each game in order to pump himself up and get the feeling in his arms back.


Tourist Dog

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Whenever I Look At Pictures At Travel Agencies

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Sushi Burritos

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Time To Move Out

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Diplomatic Relations Of Canada

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He Comes Well Equipped

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No, I am Not Going to Buy Another One This Soon

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Scooby Dooby Didigri-Doo

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Fun with closed captioning

I watch shows on my phone but I have a hearing problem so I always watch with closed captioning so I can understand it.  These are the most baffling screenshots I got from watching Orphan Black last month: I’m sensing a … Continue reading →

Epic Street Artist In Brazil

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Poor Cat Has It Rough

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You Won’t BELIEVE This Comic!

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Like a Husband

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Awesome Viking Wood Carving

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I Say Hey

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The Right Way To Watch A Movie

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It’s Like He’s Only Half Angry

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Strong Independent Dog Who Don’t Need No Man

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I’d Go To War With This Thing

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I Can Explain It Mathematically

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Is There Anything More Manly Than a Slingshot Beard?

Too Much Pug Going On Here

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Riding The Bus

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Tom Tanks

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People Vs. Their Cartoon Versions

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Shaming Doesn’t Go As Planned

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Some Reasons To Date Me

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Cake Master

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Spice Up Your Super Bowl Party With These Drinks

SNL Highlights: Larry David Plays Bernie Sanders As Larry David In ‘Bern Your Enthusiasm’

SNL Highlights: Larry David Plays Bernie Sanders As Larry David In 'Bern Your Enthusiasm'

SNL Highlights: Larry David Plays Ber... Host Larry David commands us to have low expectations ... before he hosts the best episode of the season. Submitted by: Maura Hehir Regular Keywords: larry david bernie sanders zoolander super bowl bern your enthusiasm curb your enthusiasm vanessa bayer jon rudnitsky dirty dancing saturday night live bernie sanders larry david larry david bern your enthusiasm snl recap snl highlights Views: 2,378

Obvious Impulse Buy

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The Imaginary Scratch

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Airhead Spotted

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Larry David’s SNL Sketch Explains What Went Wrong For Bernie Sanders in Iowa

GTA V Meets TLOU

Gutter Queen

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How Legendary Was This Wedding?

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Now He Wants To Live In The Fridge

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Wow, It’s Just An Aquarium

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Watch This Guy’s Art Come to Life

The Wonderful Cave Of Three Bridges

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Harrison Ford’s Clever Response

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Growing Up Is The Worst

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Somehow I Don’t See You Evolving Golbat into Crobat Any Time Soon…

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British Parenting Vs. American Parenting

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Hats Off To This Brilliant Joke

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After Spending $21,000 on Tickets Without Telling His Wife, the Super Bowl Isn’t the Only Thing This Man Has Potential to Lose

Feel the Boo-urns!

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Cardboard Creatures

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Those Were Some Good Deals

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(989): All my friends are getting…

(989): All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.

(709): Do you remember the guy…

(709): Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?

Kroger Products

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It Could Have Gone Worse

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Looks Like He Doesn’t Carrot-All

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(315): No he reached for my hand…

(315): No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.

Customer Service Is Probably A Joke

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(561): NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE…

(561): NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW.

(310): If you could come do me…

(310): If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great.

They’re The Best Kind Of Burritos

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