Here’s What To Watch This Fall Based On Your Favorite TV Shows

It's fall which means two things: it's sweater season and television is back in full swing.

Not only are your favorite shows returning in the coming weeks (get all the premiere dates here), but there are plenty of others to look forward to as well. With multiple rom-coms, comic-book adaptations and detective dramas, it may be difficult to figure out just which new series to spend your time on. Our critic Maureen Ryan weighed in on the new network dramas, and HuffPost TV presents another guide based on your current viewing preferences:


Fox:

"Gotham"
gotham

The Pitch: The origin story of Gotham detective Jim Gordon (Ben McKenzie) and various Batman villains including Penguin, Poison Ivy, Joker, Riddler and Mr. Freeze, among others.
Watch It If You Like: "Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D"
Premiere: Sept. 22 at 8:00 p.m. ET

"Red Band Society"
red band

The Pitch: Sick kids living in the children's ward of a fancy Los Angeles hospital and Octavia Spencer as the I-have-eyes-everywhere nurse.
Watch It If You Like: "Glee"
Premiere: Sept. 17 at 9:00 p.m. ET

"Mulaney"
mulaney

The Pitch: Stand-up comedian John Mulaney playing a version of himself in a multi-camera comedy where he hangs out with his friends and does stand-up. Oh, and there's a laugh track.
Watch It If You Like: "Big Bang Theory"
Premiere: Oct. 5 at 9:00 p.m. ET

"Gracepoint"
gracepoint

The Pitch: The American version of the U.K. small-town murder drama "Broadchurch," starring David Tennant, who reprises his role as a detective here, alongside Anna Gunn.
Watch It If You Like: "Broadchurch" (but then again, maybe not, if this doesn't live up to your expectations)
Premiere: Oct. 2 at 9:00 p.m. ET


ABC:

"How to Get Away with Murder"
how to get away with murder abc

The Pitch: Viola Davis' law school professor teaches a criminal law class only for her top students to get caught up in a real-life murder plot.
Watch It If You Like: "Scandal" (and all things Shonda Rhimes)
Premiere: Sept. 25 at 10:00 p.m. ET

"Cristela"
cristela abc

The Pitch: Comedienne Cristela Alonzo stars as a Mexican-American woman trying to get her law degree while living with her family.
Watch It If You Like: "The George Lopez Show"
Premiere: Oct. 10 at 8:00 p.m. ET

"Selfie"
selfie abc

The Pitch: Karen Gillan ("Doctor Who") plays a superficial woman obsessed with Instagram and Facebook who asks a marketing guru to rebrand her image. It's pretty much "Pygmalion" with social media.
Watch It If You Like: "New Girl"
Premiere: Sept. 30 at 8:00 p.m. ET

"Black-ish"
blackish

The Pitch: Anthony Anderson plays a wealthy father and husband who realizes how disconnected his family is from their cultural roots.
Watch It If You Like: "Modern Family"
Premiere: Sept. 24 at 9:00 p.m. ET

"Forever"
forever

The Pitch: A New York medical examiner who can't die uses his job to figure out his immortality.
Watch It If You Like: "Castle"
Premiere: Sept. 22 at 10:00 p.m. ET

"Manhattan Love Story"
manhattan love story abc

The Pitch: A girl, a guy, New York City and love. There's also a lot of voiceover revealing what the two are thinking as they begin to date.
Watch It If You Like: "Sex and the City"
Premiere: Sept. 30 at 8:00 p.m. ET


NBC:

"Constantine"
constantine

The Pitch: You know the Keanu Reeves movie by the same name about the demon hunter? Yeah, it's that with lots of demonic possessions, exorcisms and Harold Perrineau from "Lost."
Watch It If You Like: "Supernatural"
Premiere: Oct. 24 at 10:00 p.m. ET

"Bad Judge"
bad judge

The Pitch: Kate Walsh is a respected criminal court judge, but her personal life is a hot mess full of hangovers and one-night stands.
Watch It If You Like: "Bad Teacher"
Premiere: Oct. 2 at 9:00 p.m. ET

"A to Z"
a to z

The Pitch: Andrew (Ben Fedlman) and Zelda (Cristin Milioti) meet accidentally and -- BAM! -- they fall in love. This is their story, from A to Z (get it?).
Watch It If You Like: "How I Met Your Mother"
Premiere: Oct. 2 at 9:00 p.m. ET

"State of Affairs"
state of affairs

The Pitch: Katherine Heigl plays a CIA analyst with personal issues who must brief the President (Alfre Woodward) on daily security issues.
Watch It If You Like: "The Good Wife"
Premiere: Nov. 17 at 10:00 p.m. ET

"Marry Me"
marry me

The Pitch: Loosely based on "Happy Endings" creator David Caspe and wife Casey Wilson's marriage, and their bumpy road towards matrimony.
Watch It If You Like: "Happy Endings"
Premiere: Oct. 14 at 9:00 p.m. ET

"Mysteries of Laura"
laura

The Pitch: She's a single mom with twins! She's a cop! How does she do it?! (That's all.)
Watch It If You Like: Debra Messing (No, not even "Will & Grace" fans -- you'll be disappointed.)
Premiere: Sept. 17 at 10:00 p.m. ET


CBS:

"Madam Secretary"
madam

The Pitch: Tea Leoni plays a former CIA analyst-turned-professor who becomes the new female secretary of state after the former one dies.
Watch It If You Like: "The Good Wife"
Premiere: Sept. 21 at 8:00 p.m. ET

"The McCarthys"
mccarthys

The Pitch: The McCarthys are a family of sports fanatics and no one is happy when the father asks his anti-sports gay son to be his assistant.
Watch It If You Like: "The Goldbergs"
Premiere: Oct. 30 at 9:00 p.m. ET

"Scorpion"
scorpion

The Pitch: A drama about a group of eccentric geniuses who solve complex problems. And there's also Katherine McPhee.
Watch It If You Like: "Numbers"
Premiere: Sept. 22 at 9:00 p.m. ET

"Stalker"
stalker

The Pitch: A group of detectives who investigate stalkers in Los Angeles, starring Dylan McDermott and Maggie Q.
Watch It If You Like: "The Following"
Premiere: Oct. 1 at 10:00 p.m. ET

NCIS: New Orleans
ncis

The Pitch: It's pretty self-explanatory: "NCIS" in New Orleans. This version stars Scott Bakula, Lucas Black, C.C.H. Pounder and Zoe McLellan.
Watch It If You Like: "NCIS" (obviously)
Premiere: Sept. 23 at 9:00 p.m. ET


The CW:

"Jane the Virgin"
jane

The Pitch: Meet Jane. She's a virgin. Then a really stressed out doctor accidentally artificially inseminates her. Now she's pregnant! But there's more -- the father is Jane's former crush! Oh, fate.
Watch It If You Like: "Ugly Betty"
Premiere: Oct. 13 at 9:00 p.m. ET

"The Flash"
flash

The Pitch: This spin-off of "Arrow" follows DC Comic's crime-fighting titular superhero and stars Grant Gustin, Jesse L. Martin and the original Flash, John Wesley Shipp.
Watch It If You Like: "Arrow"
Premiere: Oct. 7 at 8:00 p.m. ET

Amazon Prime:

"Transparent"
transparent

The Pitch: Jeffrey Tabor plays Maura, who has recently transitioned from Mort and is finding the courage to come out to her family. Gaby Hoffmann, Jay Duplass and Amy Landecker play his grown children, each on their own path of self-discovery.
Watch It If You Like: "Orange Is the New Black"
Premiere: Season 1 premieres in full on Sept. 26

Showtime:

"The Affair"
affair

The Pitch: A look at the psychological effects of infidelity from both the male and the female perspective as Noah (Dominic West) and Allison (Ruth Wilson) start a secret romance.
Watch It If You Like: "Masters of Sex"
Premiere: Oct. 12 at 10:00 p.m. ET

MTV:

"Happyland"
happyland

The Pitch: This teen soap looks at the story behind a famous theme park and a girl who starts crushing on a guy, only to discover a very shocking secret.
Watch It If You Like: "Faking It"
Premiere: Sept. 30 at 11:00 p.m. ET

SyFy:

"Z Nation"
z nation

The Pitch: Set three years after a zombie invasion, one man holds the possible cure for the virus, but he has a dark secret.
Watch It If You Like: "The Walking Dead"
Premiere: Sept. 12 at 10:00 p.m. ET

DirecTV:

"Kingdom"
kingdom

The Pitch: A drama about MMA fighters in Venice Beach, California, starring Nick Jonas and Matt Lauria.
Watch It If You Like: "Friday Night Lights"
Premiere: Oct. 8 at 9:00 p.m. ET

Now The Song’s Stuck In My Head

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Ferrets Are Like Snake-Cats

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I’ll Let Him Be My Jesus

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Let’s Face It, Nobody Really Cares

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The Wedding of These Two Dogs Is Straight Out Of A Pinterest Wedding Board

Beer Prices by NFL Stadium in 2014

Beer Prices by NFL Stadium in 2014

Dear Rams, Bengals, Browns, Texans, Giants, and Jets,

We hate you.

Sincerely,
Everyone Else

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The Truth is Sick

The Truth is Sick

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Testing Season is Here, and So Are the Ironic Spelling Errors

Testing Season is Here, and So Are the Ironic Spelling Errors

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Bill Cosby Cosplay

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(716): So please don’t worry,…

(716): So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.

There’s A Reason It Doesn’t Happen

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(201): HOLY FUCK I almost floated…

(201): HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.

(240): You should never be more…

(240): You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
(410): Preach!

The Hidden Danger Of Working Customer Service

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Just Connect the Dots for Sex

Just Connect the Dots for Sex

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The Tao of Dad

The Tao of Dad

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Nike Tossing Stones in the Glass Houses of Late Capitalism

Nike Tossing Stones in the Glass Houses of Late Capitalism

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Well, Don’t Need to Read This I Guess

Well, Don't Need to Read This I Guess

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I Rule This Pool!

I Rule This Pool!

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Why Isn’t This a Real Feature Yet?

Why Isn't This a Real Feature Yet?

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(801): I know it’s anime porn…

(801): I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst.

(541): I was going to make you…

(541): I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.

I Know A Couple

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(856): Tonight we learned that…

(856): Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.

(765): You made out with both…

(765): You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!

You Gotta Love Music

cool-skin-music-goosebumps

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(989): I think someone tried to…

(989): I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.

(406): Holy fuck where did this…

(406): Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from.

It’s A Tricky One

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Learn Your Dialects! Scottish Insults

The Best Name for a Band

The Best Name for a Band

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Grandpa’s Magic Trick

Grandpa's Magic Trick

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(843): If your gig isn’t over…

(843): If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.

(306): Im shooting goldshlager and…

(306): Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch.

(248): I need to get off of her…

(248): I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.

(403): I just sustained a forearm…

(403): I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.

Cave Of Three Bridges

cool-waterfall-nature-beauty-cave.jpg

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(267): Don’t remember our…

(267): Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?

(402): I feel like there should be…

(402): I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.

For All The Showoffs Out There

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Minecrosoft

Minecrosoft

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Be Sure to Have Kleenex Handy Before You Watch This Video of J.J. Watt Helping Out a Bullied Kid With Big Dreams

I’ll Take One Ball Of Fluffy Happy Please

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Perspective On Music That Makes You Think

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All Things Have An Ending

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The Best Movie to Come Out in 2015

The Best Movie to Come Out in 2015

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Tagged: promises , dreams , relationships , skeletons , web comics Share on Facebook

The New Alert System

The New Alert System

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Very Accurate Calculation

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It Shouldn’t Be Like That, But It Is

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Weapons Of Mass Destruction

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Now I Want Pizza

cool-gif-pizza-cheese-hungry

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A Life Debt

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Maybe The Only Reason Not To Time Travel

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24 Movies Based On a True Story (That Are Full Of Shit)

By CRACKED Readers

New Andy Capp for 09/20/2014

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New Agnes for 09/20/2014

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New Heathcliff for 09/20/2014

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New The Other Coast for 09/20/2014

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New Wizard of Id for 09/20/2014

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New Momma for 09/20/2014

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New Dogs of C-Kennel for 09/20/2014

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New Herb and Jamaal for 09/20/2014

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New The Meaning of Lila for 09/20/2014

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New B.C. for 09/20/2014

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Updated: Sat Sep 20, 2014Ads by Yahoo!

I Hope Someone Makes My Last Wish True

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Wait For Me, Guys

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We Go Together Like

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Pillow Strategy For Single Men

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Corgi Doesn’t Like Yellow Sheep

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Little Girl Has An Amazing Stormtrooper Cosplay

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How I See The Apple Vs Android War

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I’ve Always Wanted To Learn This

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The Only Thing I Can Think Of

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Stop Being So Greedy

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Global Warming Proof

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Dogs Love Sleepovers

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The Best Things Start With An S

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Do You Know Who My Husband Is?

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It’s Difficult For A Single Mother

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Gillette’s New Multi-Blade Razor

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Different Way Of Looking At It

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For Those Who Keep Saying They’re Unique

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The Upside Dow Bieber

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The Best Toy Ever

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If You’re Not The Customer, You’re The Product

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This Isn’t Freedom

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Supporting The Local Team

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This Week in Comedy: ‘SNL’ Adds a New Announcer and Featured Player

by Stephanie Simon

darrell_hammond

-SNL hired Darrell Hammond as its new announcer and new featured player Pete Davidson.

-SNL’s October 11th host is Bill Hader, and Jim Carrey will reportedly host an episode this year to promote Dumb and Dumber To.

-On the Daily Show Jon Stewart gave Michael Che the perfect goodbye.

-Cecily Strong said she was “genuinely happy” about leaving Weekend Update.

-We discussed how FX’s You’re the Worst has quietly become the best new comedy on television.

-We interviewed Gary Gulman who is on the road promoting his new special It’s About Time.

-Tim Gilbert got weird in Toronto.

-Bill Connolly shared how there are business lessons in the world of improv.

-We looked at what it means to direct an Adam Sandler movie.

-We explored the hidden racist past of the Looney Toons.

-We took a look back in time when Bill Cosby helped launch Joan Rivers’ comedy career.

-John Swartzwelder’s failed 1996 pilot Pistol Pete showed up online in full.

-The Humor Section featured the original piece by Django Gold called This Candlelight Vigil is in Full Effect!

-Will Ferrell confirmed that Zoolander 2 will feature Mugatu.

-Universal signed a development deal with Adam and Naomi Scott.

-Jimmy Kimmel sold a comedy to ABC based on Carson Daly’s post-MTV career.

-The Vacation reboot starring Ed Helms added Leslie Mann to its cast.

-NBC is developing a sitcom adaptation of Problem Child.

-Gillian Jacobs and Paul Rust will star in Judd Apatow’s new show on Netflix.

-IFC renewed Maron for a third season.

-New Girl and The Mindy Project’s season premieres drew fewer viewers than last year.

-Stephanie Weir is developing a comedy for ABC.

-Zach Braff and Bill Lawrence are developing a new show.

- Former Office writer/producer Justin Spitzer is developing a workplace comedy for NBC.

-In an upcoming Lifetime movie Aubrey Plaza will voice Grumpy Cat.

-Now on Vimeo, a bunch of classic MST3K episodes.

-Chris Rock’s new movie Top Five will be released in theaters December 5th.

-Adam McKay, Seth Rogen, and Ben Schwartz are working on a new movie.

-Dan Aykroyd wants to create a Marvel-style Ghostbusters universe.

-We had a sneak peek of Jerrod Carmichael’s HBO standup special.

-Nasim Pedrad shared an unaired SNL sketch where she played Aziz Ansari on Conan.

-We took a look at 11 standup comedians who became SNL cast members.

-A study confirmed that primetime TV is getting tougher for women.

-SNL teamed up with MasterCard to create the Saturday Night Live MasterCard.

-This Week in Web Videos highlighted A Model Young Republican and more.

-This Week in Comedy Podcasts examined Pauly Shore’s Interested and many others.

-@AveryMonsen talked with us about Twitter, Vine, and photoshopping stupid ideas.

-Just for Laughs launched a new YouTube Channel with old clips of Louis C.K., Mitch Hedberg, Chris Rock, and more.

-This week’s Second City Archives unearthed a 1997 sketch with Scott Adsit, Rachel Dratch, Tina Fey, and more called "Grandma’s Records."

-W. Kamau Bell announced his new standup tour Oh, Everything!

-On Conan Hannibal Buress talked about his new book deal.

-This November, standup Chris Gethard wants to perform at your house.

-Craig Ferguson revealed his worst Late Late Show guest ever.

-We unearthed Paley Center for Media footage where Lorne Michaels was asking, What’s It All About, World?

And here are your top five web videos of the week:

Running Late Show: Unaffordable Housing

Above Average: Evil Step-Sisters (St. Peter Meets: Disney Villains)

Broad City: Hack Into Broad City

WOMEN: How Much

ClickHole: iPhone 6 Unboxing

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He Could Be One Of The Bandits

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America’s Pledge of Allegiance is so Cool Other People Want to Steal it!

America's Pledge of Allegiance is so Cool Other People Want to Steal it!

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4chan is at It Again With Their Trolling of iPhone Users

4chan is at It Again With Their Trolling of iPhone Users

Another year, another small iPhone update touted as "revolutionary" and "life-changing." Pssshhh. 4chan knows better than that. Time to "cook" up another scheme to reel in another "wave" of gullible iPhone users.

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Ninja Bowler

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I’m With Stupid: The Predictive Prowess of Deep-Fried Poultry

By the time you read this, Scotland will have decided already whether to secede from the United Kingdom and form its own independent country. I assure you, however, that as of this writing, the vote is still in the future and I don't know what the outcome will be. I can hazard an informed guess, though, and for that I have KFC to thank.

For you see, just the other day, a customer at a KFC in England ordered a "fillet feast" and received a deep-fried chicken breast that is the spittin' image of England without Scotland perched on top of it (seriously, it's uncanny). Based on this, I think it's safe to assume that Scotland will vote for independence, because if we can't trust chicken breasts to predict the future, we can't trust anything.

The only problem, as I see it, is that the chicken breast is also missing Wales, meaning that we can probably expect that tiny, semiautonomous country to break away soon enough, too. That would be a shame, as it would reduce the United Kingdom to just England, Northern Ireland and a handful of islands that most of us on this side of the pond don't care about.

To put it in terms that we Yanks might understand, imagine if all of Colorado east of Denver decided to secede and form the state of West Kansas. All poor Colorado would have left would be mountains, ski areas, national parks and basically everything else people think of when they think of Colorado. But that's not the point. The point is that Colorado would cease to be the state it is today.

The difference, as far as the U.K. is concerned, is that Scotland and Wales have things that are actually worthwhile, such as golf courses, lake monsters, sheep and Sean Connery. If the U.K. were to lose all that, I can't think of a single positive thing people would think of when they think of England. I dare say it would become a cultural wasteland so desolate it would finally make English food appropriate for the nation it feeds.

I know a lot of you probably think my logic is flawed, and I have to say that in some ways I agree with you. Normally, as a respected journalist in my own mind, I'm much more skeptical than this when it comes to seeing images or omens in my food. I'm not saying I haven't seen Jesus or Mary in my oatmeal; I'm just saying I usually take it with a grain of salt and a heaping tablespoon of brown sugar.

But with all the weird things going on in the world right now, I would caution everyone out there against ignoring obvious portents like deep-fried chicken breasts and three-eyed cows.

Oh, you didn't hear about that one? Yeah, that one's a little creepy.

A few weeks ago in the Indian state of Tamil Nadu, a calf was born with a third eye in the middle of its forehead. It being a cow, and India being India, the calf is naturally being revered as a god incarnate, in this case the three-eyed Hindu god Shiva. This has made the billions of people living in Tamil Nadu very happy, and they've taken to touching the calf's forehead for good luck. This, however, makes little sense.

Shiva, in Hindu mythology, is known as "the destroyer," and when he gets angry, his third eye opens and shoots out flames of destruction. I'm no cow, but I feel like if I had an eye in the middle of my forehead and people started rubbing it, that would make me angry and likely cause me to unleash my own fire of destruction. So if you hear in the near future that Tamil Nadu is engulfed in flames, you'll know why.

Here in the U.S., there was also a recent food-based religious sighting (I know Indians don't consider cows food, but I do). However, that one was so moronic that even I, curator of all that is stupid, am hesitant to mention it.

The food in question was a pirogi that someone at a church festival in Michigan decided looked like it had Jesus' face on it. I've seen a picture of the pirogi, though, and the "face" looks a lot more like Charles Manson than Jesus.

Of course, if the face had appeared on a deep-fried chicken breast instead of a Polish dumpling, then I'd have to take it seriously.

Todd Hartley is having fried chicken and pirogies for lunch today, omens be damned. To read more or leave a comment, please visit zerobudget.net.

Get Closer, Pet Me

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WTF of the Day: This Sennheiser Commercial Gets Really Weird

People Can Be Such Jerks

People Can Be Such Jerks

Submitted by: Unknown

Tagged: thermostat , people , jerks , funny Share on Facebook

Here’s a Teaser for Channel 4′s New Comedy ‘Scrotal Recall’

by Megh Wright

If you're wondering what kind of sitcoms are premiering over in the UK this fall, here's a particularly intriguing teaser for a new Channel 4 series that deserves a standing ovation for the title alone: Scrotal Recall. The show will follow a man named Dylan Witter (played by musician Johnny Flynn), "a lovelorn young guy forced to seek out his ex-girlfriends when he's diagnosed with chlamydia. In each episode, Dylan will set out to find a different girl from his past, as he tries to make sense of all his romantic missteps from over the years." Sure, the title was probably conceived before the plot, but it will definitely give Canada's Schitt's Creek a run for its money. (via Digital Spy UK)

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Now If They Only Made Chai Latte Flavor

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It Seems So Fun

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We All Scream for Subpar Service

We All Scream for Subpar Service

Submitted by: (via Brown Cardigan)

Tagged: customer service , ice cream , yelp , failbook Share on Facebook

And So It Begins

And So It Begins

Submitted by: (via cad-comic)

Tagged: ctrl alt del , minecraft , mojang , microsoft , web comics Share on Facebook

Signal the Monkeys!

Signal the Monkeys!

Submitted by: Unknown

Tagged: Sheldon Cooper , server , monkey , funny Share on Facebook

Maybe Proposing In A Paddle Boat Wasn’t The Best Idea

You could say this proposal didn't exactly go swimmingly.

In a video uploaded to YouTube on Thursday, a man named Shane pops the question to his girlfriend on a paddle boat full of their friends. In her excitement, she playfully hits him and knocks the ring out of his hands and into the water.

You're probably dying to know if they found the ring -- so are we. We reached out to Shane but hadn't heard back by the time of publication.

h/t Reddit

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You Can’t Tell Me How To Chair, Society

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Pauly Shore’s Road Documentary Premieres on Showtime December 4th

by Megh Wright

paulyshorePauly Shore is headed to Showtime. Deadline reports that the pay cable network has picked up Shore's documentary Pauly Shore Stands Alone to premiere on December 4th. Directed by and starring Shore, the documentary follows the actor and comedian during a standup tour across the Midwest "while grappling with aging, fading fame and his relationship with his Parkinson’s-suffering mother, Comedy Store founder Mitzi Shore." On the inspiration for the film, Shore told Deadline: "Down to my core of who I am, I’m a standup comic. A lot of comics go through personal things and have to put on a smile. I’m always doing schtick – I’m a comic, obviously. I wanted to show a side of me that wasn’t doing any schtick and this was the first time I let that schtick down." Shore also recently started a podcast called Pauly Shore's Interested, which we reviewed this week.

Check out the trailer for Pauly Shore Stands Alone below:

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‘Under The Deep Sea’ Makes ‘The Little Mermaid’ Seem Way Darker

The magical underwater world of Disney's "The Little Mermaid" is a colorful place full of singing fish, vibrant coral and beautiful merpeople with flowing hair.

But what if the movie took place deeper in the ocean? And we mean much, much deeper.

In "Under the Deep Sea," CollegeHumor's "The Little Mermaid" parody song, we enter the ocean's strange and dark depths, where alien sea creatures with fangs and squishy faces reign.

If Ariel grew up there, she probably would have replaced her best friend, Flounder, with a blobfish and fallen in love with a parasitic male anglerfish.

Ew.

h/t Tastefully Offensive

Dog Has A Tantrum When It’s Time To Stop Swimming, But We Totally Understand

In a video submitted to America's Funniest Home Videos, a water-loving German Shepherd is confronted with some heart-breaking news: It's time to get out of the water.

But the dog responds in a totally appropriate manner -- by howling "Noooo!" repeatedly and having a whiny fit until her human finally gives in.

After all, summer days are waning, and swim time must take precedence over obedience training!

"She got to keep swimming after her wonderful theatrical performance," says the video description. "No dogs' hearts were actually broken in the making of this video."

Swim on, dog. Swim on.



The Most Adorable Best Friends

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The Best Dog Reveal You’ll Watch All Year

Stephen Colbert Stomps All Over Fox News’ ‘Boots On The Ground’ Coverage

WARNING: Some shoes may have been harmed in the making of this "Colbert Report" segment.

Will there or will there not be boots on the ground in Iraq? Whatever the answer, Fox News is flat-out furious about it. But as far as Stephen Colbert is concerned, there's no question at all: "Of course there won't be American boots on the ground, our shoes are all made in China."

Apparently, Fox News thought it could bring a little clarity to the topic of war with ISIS by having an expert explain that not all boots are created equal, much to Colbert's delight. "That is the type of in-depth reporting you can only get from Fox News ... or Zappos," Colbert noted.

Colbert takes Fox News absurd "boot" report, and raises them every other kind of shoe.

"The Colbert Report" airs Monday-Thursday at 11:30 p.m. ET on Comedy Central.

Welcome To Arkansas, It Just Keeps Getting Better

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Jim Carrey Is Reportedly Returning to Host ‘SNL’ This Year

by Megh Wright

jimcarrey_snlSaturday Night Live's landmark 40th season is shaping up to be filled with some great hosts. The Wrap is reporting that Jim Carrey is set to return to host his third episode sometime this season. While the exact date is not yet known and NBC has yet to confirm the news, insiders told The Wrap that Carrey's episode will most likely air close to the premiere of Dumb and Dumber To on November 14th. Confirmed hosts that will appear prior to Carrey include Chris Pratt and former SNL cast members Sarah Silverman and Bill Hader.

Watch some of Carrey's best SNL sketches from his 1996 and 2011 episodes below:





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Wait, You Mean EATING the Toothpaste?

Wait, You Mean EATING the Toothpaste?

Submitted by: (via Crest)

Tagged: twitter , toothpaste , gluten free Share on Facebook

The Funniest of Foods

The Funniest of Foods

Submitted by: Unknown

Tagged: wtf , food , funny , salad Share on Facebook

You’re in Trouble Now

You're in Trouble Now

Submitted by: ShardK1

Tagged: gifs , dark souls , invasion Share on Facebook

Silent Hill Cosplay

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An Apple On An Apple

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This One Forgot How To Cat

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They Just Might Have Chosen the Wrong Drummer for the Job

The Funniest Someecards Of The Week

Another week, another round of iPhone mania.

The Apple gods released the magic that is iOS 8. (We can mute group messages now? Um, YES.) A lucky few got their hands on the new iPhone6 hardware, and one dude promptly dropped his. Ouch.

Some other stuff probably happened this week. We heard rumblings of NFL players being even more horrible and apparently there was some sort of vote going on in Scotland? Whatever. IPHONE.

Anyway, if you can manage to divert your eyes from your shiny new screen for one second (or who are we kidding, you're probably reading this on your new phone right now), here are the funniest Someecards of the past week.

Questions New Yorkers Are Asking

"In the United States you can ask everything" seems to be the motto behind a group of simple, yet provocative, questions that are popping up in New York City sidewalks these days.

In the attempt to start a citywide dialogue with "the types of questions a child would ask, but few adults actually do," Spanish-born graphic designer, Marta Ibarrondo, is inviting New Yorkers to join her movement at The Unzipped Truth.

1. Why is modern art so expensive?

2014-09-19-1ARTGraffitiLR.jpg

If it were affordable, collectors might consider it junk.

2. Why are we getting fatter and fatter?

2014-09-19-2FatterGraffitiLR.jpg

Because billions and billions have been served.

3. Why is the G-spot so hard to find?

2014-09-19-3GSPOTGraffitiLR.jpg

Men won't ask for directions.

4. Why are we slaves to fashion?

2014-09-19-stencilandpeople11040.jpg

Because "classic" is just a fad.

5. Why does the NRA have so much power?

2014-09-19-NRAgraffiti.jpg

They've got a gun to the government head.

Images courtesy of The Unzipped Truth

Disney? I Think Not

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Obama Sent Joan Rivers’ Family A Beautiful Handwritten Condolence Letter

President Barack Obama sent the family of Joan Rivers a handwritten condolence letter after the beloved comedian died earlier this month, Rivers’ daughter Melissa revealed Thursday in an interview on E.

“Not only did she make us laugh,” Obama wrote of the celebrity comedian, “she made us think.”

Joan Rivers passed away on Sept. 4 during a medical procedure at a clinic in New York. The doctor who operated on Rivers allegedly performed a biopsy on the 81-year-old’s vocal chords without her consent -- and not before snapping a selfie while she was under anesthesia. He has since stepped down from his position as the New York State Health Department continues to investigate Rivers’ cause of death.

Melissa Rivers says she was particularly touched to receive a note from Obama, considering that he and the first lady were “often a target of her jokes.”

This was the case in July, when Rivers made a joke calling Obama gay and his wife Michelle transgender that some believed went too far, even for the aging comic who was famous for racy remarks. Later, Rivers defended herself, saying her comment on the first lady was intended as a compliment.

“She’s so attractive, tall, with a beautiful body, great face, does great makeup,” Rivers said. “If you think that’s silly, wait till you see what I say about FDR and Eleanor!”

Obama was hardly the only politician Joan Rivers disparaged over her long career.

The comedian raised eyebrows when she likened former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin (R) to a “retarded person,” and again during the 2012 presidential race with her wholesale dismissal of the political process. Rivers went on to scold both candidates, saying that at “$40,000 a plate, you’re not Democrats. You’re not Democrats. You’re very strong Republicans. I find the whole thing disgusting.”

With midterm elections around the corner, Joan Rivers has certainly given politicians something to think about.

Roger Goodell’s Press Conference Interrupted

Roger Goodell's Press Conference Interrupted

Roger Goodell's Press Conference Inte... 0:29 Benjy from The Howard Stern Show gets taken out of the press conference screaming, "Don't take me to the elevator". Submitted by: rillawafers Regular Keywords: benjy howard stern press conference nfl domestic abuse violence women ray rice greg hardy adrian peterson child abuse allegations jail criminal crime interruption interrupted Views: 5,626

Watch Seth Rogen, Jerrod Carmichael, Ike Barinholtz, and More in the ‘Neighbors’ Gag Reel

by Megh Wright

Nicholas Stoller's Neighbors was released on DVD and Blu-ray this week, and here's the full gag reel from the film featuring Seth Rogen, Zac Efron, Dave Franco, Rose Byrne, Jerrod Carmichael, Lisa Kudrow, and Ike Barinholtz, not to mention a small cameo from a terrifying flying insect.

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I Must Not Fear

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The Facebook for Rich People Charges $9,000 a Year. You Ready to be One of the Elite?

It’s a Sign

It's a Sign

Submitted by: (via Pain Train Comic)

Tagged: wombats , web comics Share on Facebook

Just Uncalled For

Just Uncalled For

Submitted by: Unknown

Tagged: sign , China , racist , funny , patio Share on Facebook

This Guy’s Comic Mashups Of TV And Movies Will Make You Wish They Were A Real Thing

If you're like us, you're constantly wondering things like: what would happen if the film "Terminator" got mashed up with the show "Full House"? What if "Lord of the Rings" was combined with "Happy Days"? "Boy Meets World" and "Star Wars"? The combinations are endless!

Well, many of our hypotheticals have become reality, thanks to the comic work of writer/actor Ben Greene and the content creators at Altanimus. For the project, Random Pairing, Greene writes a bunch of TV shows, books and movies on slips of paper, mixes them in a bag, then picks two out at random. And -- boom! -- comedy magic is born.

Here are a few of our favorites:

"Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" meets "Parks and Recreation"




"Lord of the Rings" meets "Happy Days"




"Beauty and the Beast" meets "The West Wing"




"Star Wars" meets "Boy Meets World"




"Terminator" meets "Full House"




Check out the rest at Random Pairing.

Stuffed Jeep Exploded

funny-giant-Teddy-bear-car-Jeep

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This Is Clearly The Way To A Gamer’s Heart

They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and while there may be some truth to that, if he's a gamer, you're probably better off just giving him something like this:

My girlfriend secretly bought a bunch of controllers and made this for me for my birthday!

Girlfriend points secured: + 100.

Redditor MrPayson received this awesome Nintendo tribute as a birthday gift from his girlfriend. It was quickly upvoted to the front page of Reddit -- and it's not hard to see why. You've got to give props to a woman who's willing to acknowledge the other great love in her man's life: video games.

Keep in touch! Check out HuffPost Divorce on Facebook and Twitter. Sign up for our newsletter here.

These Dogs Are Having A Fancier Wedding Than You

When Chelsea and Hudson first touched noses, the two dogs knew it was love at first sniff.

Or at least their owners did.

But sometimes just knowing is not enough. Sometimes, you gotta let the whole wide world in on the romance with a full-blown celebration and a wedding video to boot.

"...I mentioned (over wine) how funny it'd be if Hudson and [Chelsea] got married," one of the dogs' owners told Brooklyn-based wedding photographer Danni Rivera. "Like, really married. With flowers and an invitation and a ceremony and guests. The whole shebang."

And the whole shebang they did have. So be warned: the video above might make you mad that a couple of dogs had a nicer wedding than you did.

There were invitations, centerpieces, an aisle lined with flowers, amazing table settings with centerpieces and a gorgeous wedding cake.

weddingcake

Try not to be envious. Just try.

centerpiece

And, of course, there were lots of balloons for the guests to party with.

dogs

If you are in the midst of planning your own wedding, take cues from these guys, because they did it right.

H/t BuzzFeed

Report: More Children Being Raised With Religion Of Pushier Parent

WASHINGTON—According to a Pew Research Center study of American families published this week, more children in the United States are being raised with the religion of their pushier parent.

She May Be Sending You A Message…

funny-TV-recorded-woman-shows

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Getting the Next Step in Your Relationship

Getting the Next Step in Your Relationship

Submitted by: (via Channelate)

Tagged: relationships , fart , dating , web comics Share on Facebook

That’s Not A Very Reliable Opportunity

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He Likes This Specific Human

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Watch Conan O’Brien Hand Out Some Audiencey Awards

by Megh Wright

Proving that no late night host cares more about his studio audience, Conan O'Brien doled out some Audiencey Awards during last night's Conan to display his appreciation for all the excellent sitters, clappers, and viewers out there. Watch the second part below featuring Conan's no-nonsense prop master Bill Tull:

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Time to Print Some Money!

Time to Print Some Money!

Submitted by: (via Brown Cardigan)

Tagged: good idea , shirt , genius Share on Facebook

That Kid Knows What’s Up

That Kid Knows What's Up

Submitted by: Unknown

Tagged: kids , awesome , lawn chair , funny , bus Share on Facebook

Now That’s How You Ask a Girl to Homecoming

Now That's How You Ask a Girl to Homecoming

Submitted by: (via Vivalozona)

Tagged: high school , dance , funny , homecoming , dating Share on Facebook

One of These Things Just Doesn’t Belong

One of These Things Just Doesn't Belong

And no, it's not the girl who's shorter than the rest of them.

Submitted by: Unknown

Tagged: men , bikinis , funny , women Share on Facebook

BBC News Reporter Was Not Prepared For This Question

Remember that old trick you'd do when your teacher asked the class a question that you had no idea the answer to? You'd look down at the floor, slowly hide behind your books, pretend to be invisible...

Apparently that same thing works on live TV.

WATCH:



They didn't see me. They didn't see me. They didn't see me.

Radical Honesty

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Saint Bernard Takes His Human As A Prisoner Of Love

This pup's definitely got a bad case of separation anxiety.

In this video uploaded to YouTube, Sully the St. Bernard just lays on top of his owner, snuggling him. While the gesture is really sweet, it soon becomes clear that Sully has no plans on letting his human go.

Watch at the 0:33 mark, when the canine's owner makes a good attempt at getting up, Sully puts his foot, er, paw down -- literally.

It doesn't seem like the owner is going anywhere for a while.

h/t Daily Mail

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Sportsgraphic: Fantasy Football Week 3: Start ’Em, Sit ’Em

Onion Sports has expert analysis on which players to keep and which players to drop from your fantasy football starting lineup this week

This Is Just Plain Dumb

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Playing the OneeChanbara Demo at TGS is an Embarrassing Experience

Playing the OneeChanbara Demo at TGS is an Embarrassing Experience

Tokyo Game Show (TGS) is a fascinating (and sometimes very strange) experience. Quite frequently, you have booths and demos that are... ahem... more "bold" than what you're liable to see at your typical American games expo. Case and point pictured above.

Submitted by: (via FUME5)

Tagged: bewbees , tgs , oneechanbara Share on Facebook

The Internet Is Trying To Trick You Into Microwaving Your iPhone

There's a hoax going around the Internet instructing people to put their iPhone in a microwave in order to charge it.

Let us be very clear here: Do. Not. Put. Your. Phone. In. A. Microwave.

On Wednesday, anyone with an iPhone purchased in the past three years could download iOS 8, Apple's shiny new operating system. iOS 8 has many fun new features, including snappier email, smarter autocorrect and a fitness tracker.

But an image circulating on Twitter describes one fun, "exclusive" feature that's definitely not included in iOS 8. It claims that you can wirelessly charge an iPhone by putting it in the microwave for 60 to 70 seconds.

microwave iphone

Despite the sleek Apple-esque design of the explainer for the "feature," there are a couple telltale signs that this image is fake. One, there's no "i" in front of "Wave." Duh. Two, on what Earth would it be a good idea to put a hunk of metal in a microwave?

Like most awful things on the Internet, it seems like this hoax may have originated on 4chan, according to screengrabs posted on Reddit.

microwave iphone

As you may recall, 4chan is the anarchistic Internet forum that convinced dozens of people that last year's new iOS made iPhones waterproof. (It did not.)

But the idea that a microwave could charge a phone didn't start on 4chan. It's actually a longstanding Internet hoax:





So did some poor, unfortunate souls fall for the prank? It's hard to tell, because you can't really trust what anyone says online. One guy tweeting under the handle @Fallenbot initially claimed he microwaved his phone...

I tried using the new IOS 8 feature WAVE where you can charge your phone with a microwave, does not work @Apple pic.twitter.com/IWsWnVboUl

— nick (@Fallenbot) September 18, 2014


...before clarifying that his tweet was, basically, a hoax within a hoax.

The amount of people that believe this pic.twitter.com/BktAkFobjn

— nick (@Fallenbot) September 18, 2014


Let's hope no one actually tried.

Billy Crystal And Jimmy Fallon Team Up For Another Hilarious Lip Flip

To promote his book, "Still Foolin' 'Em," Billy Crystal got together with Jimmy Fallon for another hilarious lip flip.

Crystal was actually the original celeb Fallon swapped lips with when he was on "Late Night." Since that time, the host has done the sketch with celebs like Whoopi Goldberg and Tina Fey, but it's definitely hard to beat the original (especially when it involves an attempt to joke about Orlando Bloom and Justin Bieber in Dutch).

"The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon" airs weeknights at 11:35 p.m. ET on NBC.

Dolphin Playing With Air

cute-gif-dolphin-playing-air

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Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting Reveals ‘Big Bang Theory’ Castmates Helped After Nude Photo Leak

There's nothing funny about the nude photo scandal that affected dozens of celebrities, but that didn't stop Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting from sending out a hilarious response to laugh it off.

Cuoco-Sweeting, who was one of the victims, recently opened up to Jimmy Kimmel about how she dealt with the hacking, revealing that some "Big Bang Theory" cast members even helped her out.

"Jimmy Kimmel Live" airs weeknights at 11:35 p.m. ET on ABC.

iPhone 6 Plus vs. Samsung Galaxy S5


They Grow Up So Fast

They Grow Up So Fast

Submitted by: (via kathrynbigelow)

Tagged: kids , kisses , growing up , parenting Share on Facebook

“CAT WATERBEDS FOR EVERYONE!” (would probably be my catchphrase.)

This week I was contacted about possibly being next year’s Ziploc spokesperson for upcoming new products.  They were very sweet and asked what my fees would be if I was selected and so I quickly responded in the most professional way possible by clarifying that if the “new products” they’re offering include home-made waterbeds for cat then I expect royalties, because I invented those years ago.

The rest of my response:

I’m almost certain this would be a bad idea so I’m in, but only if Ziploc meets these conditions:

1) My fee of $100,000, or $200,000 worth of Ziploc bags. The Ziploc bags should be filled with $100,000.

2) The cat waterbed must be put into production, or at least a prototype made.

3) I’m going to need a human-sized ziplock bag that I can get in, so I can swim but not get wet. Something with an oxygen tank, preferably.

4) I don’t have a four but I think people take you more seriously when you have a four so I’m just going to leave this here.

Surprisingly, they have not responded.

************

Bonus: If you’re too tired to go back and read about cat waterbeds my talented friends made that post into a comic years ago.  They pretty much nailed it.

from taroch vol 2

They Like It That Way

funny-car-sticker-Albany-street

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What Gives Fall Leaves Their Colors?

What Gives Fall Leaves Their Colors?


Click for full-sized image

Submitted by: (via Compound Chem)

Tagged: leaf , science , pretty colors , fall Share on Facebook

Time to Parent

Time to Parent

Submitted by: (via Lunar Baboon)

Tagged: time , kids , parenting , web comics Share on Facebook

Nerfing a Fly

Nerfing a Fly

Submitted by: ToolBee

Tagged: insects , fly , gifs , Nerf , flies Share on Facebook

What if the iPhone 6 Were ACTUALLY Better Than its Predecessors?

‘Simpsons’ Executive Producer Al Jean Teases Season 26 and the Show’s Future

by Megh Wright

oldsimpsonsWith the hit FXX Simpsons marathon and live Hollywood Bowl event now complete, the next source of Simpsons anticipation will be which character is killed off during the season 26 premiere as well as how long we can expect the show to keep churning out new episodes on Fox. In a recent interview with Deadline, executive producer Al Jean gave a few teases for the new season as well as his thoughts on the future of the show: As for which character will be killed off during the season premiere "Clown in the Dumps," Jean commented on some fans' prediction that Krusty will be getting the axe: "We gave it that title for a reason; some have guessed (the character's death) correctly, and some are really off." Unlike the death and resurrection of Brian on Family Guy, however, Jean insisted that it's the real thing: "When we kill 'em, they stay dead."

Jean also described next season's Halloween episode as broken down into three segments: "'School in Hell,' inspired by the work of Neil Gaiman; then there's a Stanley Kubrick-inspired Clockwork Orange segment; and then there's a sequence where the Simpsons meet their Tracey Ullman selves." When asked about how much longer The Simpsons plans to run on Fox, Jean said: "We could last two more years, maybe four, maybe more. No one has talked to us about wrapping the show."

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If You Plant Trees, He’ll Steal Them

If You Plant Trees, He'll Steal Them

Submitted by: Unknown

Tagged: trees , irony , funny , planting , trucks Share on Facebook

Tina Fey Talks About Epic Playdate With Kids Of Other SNL Alumni

What's better than Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph, and Rachel Dratch hanging out together? Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph, and Rachel Dratch hanging out together with their kids!

This summer, the four funny ladies got together with their children for what sounds like a hilarious playdate of epic proportions. Tina Fey appeared on "Late Night with Seth Meyers" on September 17, and during her interview, she spoke about her summer in Long Island, where she filmed a movie with Amy Poehler and Maya Rudolph.

While Poehler and Rudolph were in town from L.A., Fey and Dratch live in New York City, so the SNL alums took advantage of the opportunity to get their families together. Fey's daughters, Alice and Penelope, are 9 and 3, Poehler has 4 and 5-year-old sons Archie and Abel, Dratch has a 4-year-old son named Eli, and Rudolph has four kids -- 8-year-old Pearl, 4-year-old Lucille, 3-year-old Jack, and 13-mont-old Minnie.

"While we were making this movie, our kids all got to play with each other, which was like, the best little rascals. Just the cutest," Fey said during her "Late Night" appearance. Meyers, who was present for these epic playdates, noted, "It's very easy to pick out -- you know exactly which SNL mom the kids belong to."

Can we come next time?

(hat tip: Jezebel)

@media only screen and (min-width : 500px) {.ethanmobile { display: none; }}

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Maybe It’s Time We Gave You an Apology

This week's poll from the Lester & Charlie Institute of Forward Thinking!



This week was all about the apology.

It wasn't just that the New York Times had to apologize for mistakenly referring to Dick Cheney as the former president of the United States. Apologies abounded! Like the one from Jacob Dorsey, the 19-year-old Republican candidate for the Wisconsin Assembly, who not only apologized but dropped out of the race after his "hurtful" (his term) comments about black people and gays resurfaced on social media. Future GOP politicians, take note: It's never too early to figure out that calling people "f*gs" and "n*ggers" on Twitter and YouTube might not be a winning election strategy. Even in Wisconsin!

Speaking of insensitivity, the next "OOPS" came from the editors of the Lancaster New Era, which had published an editorial cartoon that compared cramped, modern air travel with the horrors of humans packed into slave ships. "To somehow link the inconveniences of air travel with slavery in general and the slave ships in particular was not only just plain wrong it was deeply hurtful," the editors later wrote with what seemed like genuine remorse.

More ambiguously, Sarah "it takes a village idiot" Palin came along this week to declare that she "owe[s] America a global apology [sic]." Not for refusing to go away -- but for John McCain not winning the presidency in 2008.

We were trying to figure out if Palin finally realized that her candidacy was a global joke when along came another apology, this time from the retail giant Urban Outfitters. This one was a doozy. And, no, they weren't apologizing for for making teenagers look funny.

Urban Outfitters never tires of offending people -- selling things like a Monopoly board game parody called "Ghettopoly" (where players build crack houses and projects instead of houses and hotels) and stuff like T-shirts declaring Everyone Loves a Jewish Girl that's printed amid a sea of dollar signs. It's part of a long list of ways the company has pissed people off.

This time, one of their Mensa-Merchandisers thought it would be a good idea to sell faux-vintage university sweatshirts. Not just any university. Kent State University. Circa 1970. And part of the sweatshirt's "faux vintage" effect include what looks like bullet holes and bloodstains.

Koalas Get In Spat, Still Cannot Escape The Cuteness

We don't usually watch fights and think, "Ok, that's adorable." But these koalas' little spat is nothing if not the cutest.

In the video above, first posted back in November 2013, the two bears engage in some roughhousing, complete with squeaks, squeals and squawks that are too perfect for words.

By the end, it looks like they may have worked out their issues, or at least reached a truce. We sure hope so!

h/t Tastefully Offensive



Looking So Baked

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The post Looking So Baked appeared first on The Meta Picture.

Conan Introduces Apple’s U2 Removal Service Because Deleting That Free Album Isn’t Enough

If you feel that Apple giving you a free U2 album is equivalent to them coming to your house and taking a crap on your doorstep, Conan has the solution for you.

With Apple's new eRase U2 service, you don't need to worry about being asked to leave your apartment because you're accidentally humming that free U2 stuff ever again. This service removes all your memories of the latest U2 album and erases all other memories you have of the band as well.

Plus, after completing the service, you get an access code to automatically download a free album from a very special and legendary Irish rock band.

"Conan" airs weeknights at 11:00 p.m. ET on TBS.

Looks Like These Two Could Solve Cases Together

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In 9 Months, There Will Be Another White Girl in the World

In 9 Months, There Will Be Another White Girl in the World

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What The Heck is That?

What The Heck is That?

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‘Too Long; Didn’t Listen’ Ep. 2: Talking Online Satire With Joe Garden, Sarah Pappalardo & Anna Drezen

HuffPost Comedy Editors Carol Hartsell and Katla McGlynn spend all day looking at funny things on the Internet. Now, they have a podcast. This is "Too Long; Didn't Listen."

On HuffPost Comedy's second -- can you believe it? -- podcast, Carol Hartsell and Katla McGlynn sit down with former Features Editor of "The Onion" Joe Garden, and Sarah Pappalardo and Anna Drezen of Reductress.com to discuss satire vs. trolling, the Apple Watch, new "SNL Weekend Update" anchor Michael Che, and why Carol needs to shut the F up about feeling old.



Intro

Our guests are introduced, Katla pronounces Sarah's last name wrong and we toast with an "upcycled" water beverage.

01:34 - Everyone Just Calm Down

What are we freaking out about this week? Grandparents accidentally signing their Facebook posts as Grandmaster Flash, the free U2 album Apple gave everyone as a "gift," and our simultaneous desire for/suspicion of the Apple Watch.

8:24 - So, What's Your Deal?

We get to know our guests a little more and talk about the intersection of the Internet and satire. Then we read some of our favorite Onion and Reductress headlines and talk about people who don't always get the joke (mostly men's rights activists and Anna's mom).

20:37 - Hey, You Know Who's Great?

This is where we talk about someone in comedy who we have really been digging lately, has done something unique or just generally rules. This week: comedian and new "Weekend Update" anchor Michael Che! His meteoric rise through comedy milestones like performing on Letterman, writing for "SNL" and being a "Daily Show" correspondent have us saying things like, "It's just so great how in December he's going to be President!"

24:17 - Make It Stop

Finally, we talk about something that seriously needs to go away, like stories that report on things "going viral," people forgetting to turn their phones horizontal when recording a video, and talking about how old you feel no matter what your age. Seriously, Carol. Cut it out.

Husband Finds Wife’s Secret Money

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Stephen Colbert’s Scorching Takedown Of Sean Hannity’s Adrian Peterson Defense

Stephen Colbert put a spotlight on the absurdity of Sean Hannity's recent belt-spanking NFL rant this week during which the Fox News host defended NFL star Adrian Peterson.

Peterson has been indefinitely suspended from the league amid charges of child abuse. The Minnesota Vikings running back reportedly beat his four-year-old son with a stick, striking him so hard in the legs and genitals that the child was left visibly injured.

But Fox News's Sean Hannity said Monday night that he too was hit with a belt by his father when he was a kid and “he turned out ok.” He then preceded to re-enact his own spanking on air, hitting his desk repeatedly with a belt.

Replaying Hannity smacking his desk over and over, Colbert showed us all just how completely "unaffected he was by his childhood experience that he can't stop mentioning."

"He grew up to be a psychologically healthy adult who cleaves desperately to strong authority figures, lashes out at any perceived weakness and takes his belt off on live TV," Colbert said. "Perfectly normal!"

Watch the video for the full segment on Comedy Central.

Talking to @AveryMonsen about Twitter, Vine, and Photoshopping Stupid Ideas

by Jenny Nelson

avery monsenAvery Monsen is a writer, illustrator, and actor living in Los Angeles. He illustrated and co-wrote the book All My Friends Are Dead, wrote for the third season of Billy on the Street, and has performed at UCB in New York. And, as mentioned in a recent article on this site about the short-format comedy of Instagram and Vine, another thing about Monsen is that he’s really good at Vine. I recently talked with Monsen about three of his favorite tweets, what it’s like being on Vine, and the kinds of dumb things that people post and like on Twitter.

"Owen Wilson Rides A Bacon, Egg & Cheese On Flatbread" pic.twitter.com/RmnLYcfy6b

— Avery Monsen (@averymonsen) January 16, 2014

Monsen: I love that we’re living in a time where we can come up with a stupid idea, make it, and share it with thousands of strangers, all within a few minutes. For example: I thought it’d be funny to Photoshop pictures of celebrities riding bikes so it’d look like they were riding delicious Subway sandwiches. That’s a stupid idea, yes. I made "Usher Rides A Meatball Sub," "Owen Wilson Rides A Bacon, Egg & Cheese On Flatbread” and then got bored and stopped. Classic comedy Rule of Twos.

Are there other tweets you've envisioned as a series that you ended up stopping? Are there series or themes that you've kept going with and that you especially like?

When I was a little kid, I’d learn a joke and tell it over and over again. Eventually, my parents sat me down and said, “When you repeat things, they become less funny.” I absolutely see why they said that — children are monsters and it’s important to cut them down any chance you get — but comedy-wise, I think they were only half right. Things do get less funny if you repeat them, but if you push through that unfunny stage, they get funny again. Then, unfortunately, they get unfunny again. Then funny again! Then unfunny again. Then funny again! Then unfunny again. Then funny again! Then unfunny again. Then, eventually, you pass away and are forgotten. To answer your question: for a while, I had a series of tweets about trying to get a group of babies to do choreography. Twitter is silly.

Do you think without Twitter you'd have a suitable place to share (or reason to make) Photoshopped ideas like these? If you’re asking whether I’d be sitting on the sidewalk, begging strangers to look at drawings of celebrities riding sandwiches, I think that’s insulting and the answer is yes.

EPIC PIANO FAIL LOL!!!! https://t.co/hGLkc85gYM — Avery Monsen (@averymonsen) July 14, 2014

Another bizarre idea, brought into reality because I have lots of free time on my hands. What you don’t see here is that my girlfriend, Erin, is crouching next to me in a black spandex bodysuit — invisible in front of the black backdrop — puppeteering the fake legs. Also, this was in July in New York and our apartment was hot as hell. What I’m saying is: she’s a saint for helping me with this and if you don’t retweet it, her struggle will have been for naught.

How did you get involved with using Vine as a platform for comedy? How does that compare to how you got into Twitter?

Vine is a tricky place. Its users tend to be younger than Twitter’s, which means that a lot of the most popular stuff is just teenage boys screaming. Whereas Twitter has poets and comedians who push the medium to interesting new places, Vine really just has a LOT of teenage boys screaming.

But if you look under the radar a little — steer away from the popular page — there are some great people on Vine: Ted Travelstead, Marlo Meekins, Simply Sylvio, Nick Gallo, Alicia Herber, keelyajams. They’re doing funny, weird, visually appealing stuff. It look a bit longer to find folks I connected with on Vine, but they’re definitely there.

Do you ever have ideas that early on you think could work equally well as a tweet or a vine, or is the difference between those two kinds of ideas pretty clear from the start?

For the most part, there’s not too much crossover. Most of my Vines have no words; they’re just strange little vignettes. An exception is when I did 100 IDEAS and 100 EMOJIS. A lot of those ideas were potential tweets I’d been throwing around.

The movie "3 Ninjas" did a good job telling you how many ninjas to expect. Please sign my petition to rename most movies "0 Ninjas."

— Avery Monsen (@averymonsen) July 24, 2013

I’ve never seen Three Ninjas.

How much knowledge do you have to have about a subject before you tweet about it?

To be honest, the tweet isn’t even about “Three Ninjas” as much as it’s about stupid, uncreative movie titles. You don’t need to know anything about the movie to understand it. My point is: I’m dumb and the people that like my tweets are dumb, too.

Jenny Nelson is a writer living in Brooklyn.

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His Face Is Fantastic

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Sometimes You Just Can’t Take a Good Graduation Photo

Sometimes You Just Can't Take a Good Graduation Photo

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Sonic the Hedgehog x Monster Hunter 4G

Sonic the Hedgehog x Monster Hunter 4G

This is a real thing.

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It’s Been a Long Time Coming

It's Been a Long Time Coming

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No Idea

No Idea

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You Get Used to It

You Get Used to It

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If Classical Paintings Could Text, They Would Get Real Catty

If Classical Paintings Could Text, They Would Get Real Catty

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Well That’s a Load Off My Mind

Well That's a Load Off My Mind

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Artists Leaving Tips

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Blue Man Group Unbox Their iPhone 6 In True Blue Man Manner

When the Blue Man Group received a pre-release iPhone 6 on Sept. 9, there was only one thing for them to do: unbox it with power tools and Play-Doh. Obviously.

Watch the video above to see their ridiculous attempts to unveil the phone. It doesn't go quite as smoothly as their perfectly choreographed shows, but it has just the right amount of quirk and humor.

The iPhone 6 hit stores Friday, so hopefully you have better luck unboxing yours!

h/t 22 Words

Well, You Can’t Say It’s Wrong

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Wait for It…

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You Can’t Put Him Down

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Ugly Custody Battle Over Ian McKellen Narrowly Avoided

EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—Following Scotland’s referendum Thursday rejecting independence from the United Kingdom, sources confirmed that a protracted and ugly custody battle over celebrated actor Sir Ian McKellen had been narrowly avoided.

Trampolines Make The World A Better Place

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American Voices: Survey: 10% Of Americans Have Gone To Work High

According to a new survey conducted for the website Mashable, nearly 10 percent of Americans have gone to work at least once under the influence of marijuana.

Report: Many U.S. Schools Can’t Afford Mannequins, Human Urine For Art Classes

WASHINGTON—Faced with increasingly tight budgets, a growing number of U.S. schools no longer have the resources necessary to provide art classes with enough mannequins and human urine for each student, a report from the Education Policy Research Ins...

‘You’re the Worst’ Creator Stephen Falk Explains His Romantic Comedy Approach

by Megh Wright

"But it's a genre that's near and dear to my heart, and I just thought that there's a freedom in British sitcoms for characters to not always be 'broadcast likable,' and thus I thought it would be a nice way to take a show like Mad About You and update it in terms of how young society behaves now and also to bring in some characters that are actually kind of shitheads at times. It's a tall order to make people fall in love with people who are kind of dicks, but I thought it would be worth trying, and I think it has been."

- Creator of FX's hit new series You're the Worst Stephen Falk explains his love for the romantic comedy genre and the British approach to likability in an interview with The A.V. Club.

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Did I Miss It?

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Paper Towel vs Air Dryer

Punching FTW

Sometimes Even The Coolest Birds of Prey Can Look Stupid

Sometimes Even The Coolest Birds of Prey Can Look Stupid

Still they should be GIFen a boop.

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Don’t Listen to Your Pants

Don't Listen to Your Pants

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Steve Smith of the Baltimore Ravens Has a Very Particular Opinion About Elevators

Steve Smith of the Baltimore Ravens Has a Very Particular Opinion About Elevators

Hat tip to Uproxx.

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