In Case Of Bad Day

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That Moment When Snails Have A Better Love Life Than You

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Red Panda Cat

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Social Anxiety Bottle

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You Could Draw it Right There But You’d Be Leaving out Some Tasty Dishes

image billboard trolling You Could Draw it Right There But You'd Be Leaving out Some Tasty Dishes

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Chubbiest Cheeks Ever

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For Real?

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An Amazonian Girl and Her Pet Sloth

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(919): You ever fart so bad at…

(919): You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?

(978): People like you and me…

(978): People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex.

You Know You Live In America When…

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Burnt to a Crisp

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Your Grandparents Had Funny Yearbook Quotes Before You Were Born

image old timey yearbook Your Grandparents Had Funny Yearbook Quotes Before You Were Born

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Baby Girl Lets out the Most Precious Sigh of Relief After Sneeze

How You Know Your Cat Is Fat

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Humans Are Like No Other Creature

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(620): He came on my face and he…

(620): He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.

(609): Damn Instagram explore…

(609): Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.

Middle Children Explained

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The Meta Is Too Real Right Now

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That’s A Smart Nope

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Political Pun

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(614): I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE…

(614): I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.

He Doesn’t Get Paid Enough

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Boys Will Be Boys

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Puns Are Love

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I’m Not Sleepy Anymore

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The Horrors Weren’t Common Knowledge Yet

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Let’s Play In The Puddle, Yay

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Nommm Nom Nommmm 3

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Awesome Dog Cross-Breeds

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Strength In Numbers

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Agnes for May 27, 2016 for 05/27/2016

Agnes for May 27, 2016

Updated: Fri May 27, 2016

Andy Capp for May 27, 2016 for 05/27/2016

Andy Capp for May 27, 2016

Updated: Fri May 27, 2016

Wizard of Id for May 27, 2016 for 05/27/2016

Wizard of Id for May 27, 2016

Updated: Fri May 27, 2016

Herb and Jamaal for May 27, 2016 for 05/27/2016

Herb and Jamaal for May 27, 2016

Updated: Fri May 27, 2016

Dogs of C-Kennel for May 27, 2016 for 05/27/2016

Dogs of C-Kennel for May 27, 2016

Updated: Fri May 27, 2016

Momma for May 27, 2016 for 05/27/2016

Momma for May 27, 2016

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B.C. for May 27, 2016 for 05/27/2016

B.C. for May 27, 2016

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Heathcliff for May 27, 2016 for 05/27/2016

Heathcliff for May 27, 2016

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The Other Coast for May 27, 2016 for 05/27/2016

The Other Coast for May 27, 2016

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This Is Parenting Done Right

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These Courthouse Dogs Are Trained to Comfort Witnesses in Courtrooms

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Pics Or It Never Happened

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They’re Taking Our Jobs

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True Cat Love

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What About You Toto?

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Instant Catma

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Calling For A Taxi

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Amy Schumer’s Head Writer on Comedy and Her New Book

Jessi Klein discusses her coming essay collection, “You’ll Grow Out of It,” and her writing process, which included cake and wine.

Just Remember

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If Only It Was Actually That Easy

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When You Can’t Sleep at Night

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Just Patrick Stewart Being Awesome, Like He Only Knows

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Thank You For Asking

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Husky Sees Owner After A Month And A Half

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It Wasn’t Always Easy

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Puppies Meet Cat For The First Time

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Why Are So Many People Getting a Septum Piercing Lately?

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Fasten Your Seat Belt

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The Latest News In Health

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Welcome to This Supercut of Movies Welcoming People to Things

Growing Up In Namibia, Africa

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As Al Capone Said Once

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This Is The Most Durable Phone Case We Have Ever Seen

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Spoon Perspectives

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Oh Good, Someone Finally Made Water Palatable by Deep Frying It

‘Brett Gelman’s Dinner in America’ Airs on Adult Swim July 1st

Brett Gelman’s and Jason Woliner’s third Adult Swim Dinner special just got a premiere date. The network announced today that Brett Gelman’s Dinner in America will debut on Friday, July 1st at midnight. Here’s more from the press release: For the third installment in their “Dinner” series of half-hour specials, Brett Gelman and director Jason […]

Server problems

2016-05-26-1464296479-3252423-server3colorhp.jpg
Poor Hillary Clinton and her server problems. It's getting bad.

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Resistance Is Futile

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Open Your Eyes

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Watch This Good Cop/Bad Cop Duo Take a Bite out of Crime

Losing In Monopoly

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Spine-Wrecking Debt

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Donald Trump On What Makes a Woman Successful

I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of women come up to me, and they ask me. They say, 'how can I be a successful woman'?'

And I tell them, look, we know what a successful woman is. But we've had almost twenty years of the worst kinds of women you can imagine. Oh, my God, I can't believe it. These women. Believe me, they're not 10's! They're just not. It's terrible. It's just terrible. You know what, do you know what? Women are probably more like less intelligent males, with a lot of makeup on them. A lot. It's true.

Look, if you want to know what success for women means, do you want to know what success for women means?

I'll tell you.

First of all there's makeup, by the way, I love makeup. It's probably my favorite thing after fake tan, no it's my favorite thing. Trump Foundation. It's in every Trump Hotel. Trump Foundation is by far the most natural, the most pigmented foundation you've ever used. China. A lot of people in China use Trump Foundation. But, the Chinese! They bring their makeup here, but they're not bringing their best. They're bringing makeup with a lot of problems.

And let me tell you. I have experience. Lots of experience. I had over five years of the worst kind of makeup you can imagine. It's terrible. It's just terrible. But now with Trump Foundation, believe me. If I'm being honest, I probably shouldn't say that. I'm proud of it. I've done an amazing job. I'm not doing that to brag, because you know what? I don't have to brag.

If I'm being honest, I mean, if I'm being really honest. I like successful women. Except for Adrianna Huffington, now she's a successful woman that I don't like. Though, I probably shouldn't say that. She's a nice woman, but she's like, 'rights, prejudice, sleep, danger,' on and on, like that. I don't know. She's like a thesaurus! You know what I mean? She's like an encyclopedia! She's a dictionary! I don't know. I mean, you know?

So, we have all these women, and we can judge them and critique them or put them in separate groups. Did you know that? They don't tell you that, and I'll tell you, no one is better at knowing what a successful woman is than me.

You wouldn't believe it.

This is a work of parody inspired by the wonderful work of Steven Edwards "What's 2 plus 2?" which can be seen here http://www.attn.com/stories/6407/george-takei-impersonates-donald-trump

Sarah Bell is a writer based in Seoul.
She is contactable at www.themscript.com

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Unfair For Men

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Sperm Count: What is the Difference Between a Gang Bang and an Orgy?

2016-05-26-1464272530-9666942-DT643.jpg What is the difference between a gang bang and an orgy? On first glance it would seem that an orgy is a far more easy going communal activity, while a gang bang has connotations of something more aggressive, particularly because of the words "gang" and "bang." Merriam-Webster, for instance, defines gang as "a group of criminals" and "bang" as "a resounding blow" while "orgy" is defined as "a wild party and especially one in which many people have sex together." So there's a long road to hoe between orgies and gang bangs. In addition the gang bang is actually a solitary activity for the object of the banging. There may be gang bangs in which multiple people are having sex with even larger crowds, but generally gang bangs are activities in which one solitary individual either willingly or unwillingly becomes the subject for the advances of a group. They are, in the vernacular, the caboose for the figurative train. If you drew a Venn diagram there would be some overlapping areas for gang bangs and orgies. Equanimity is not one of the by-products of group sex and a very popular or attractive person at an orgy could very well find themselves the subject of a gang bang when everyone wanted to have sex with him or her, even though it might not feel like a gang bang due to the psychedelic 60's music, and Timothy Leary sensibility of "turn on, tune in, drop out." These instances might be termed inadvertent or de facto gang bangs which exude a feeling of joy as opposed to the the atmosphere of doom and gloom that accompanies the kind of gang bang where a posse of people is out to ravage their mark. Still not all gang bangs are criminal activities and not all orgies are completely legal, particularly if they involve the use of large amounts of hallucinogens to catalyze the appropriate level of disinhibtion for the orgy to actually take place.








"Bacchanal with a wine vat" by Andrea Mantegna (1470)




{This was originally posted to The Screaming Pope, Francis Levy's blog of rants and reactions to contemporary politics, art and culture}

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Little Survivor Finds A Home

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Click to Watch This Mostly Safe for Work Trailer of the X-Men Porn Parody

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Maybe make sure your boss isn't watching over your shoulder when Mystique appears onscreen, though.

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Posted For Awareness, Be Careful

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I Love You So Much Human

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‘High Maintenance,’ ‘Insecure,’ and ‘Divorce’ Head to HBO This Fall

HBO has confirmed fall debuts for three new comedies — the web series-to-Vimeo series-to HBO show High Maintenance, Issa Rae’s show Insecure, and the Sharon Horgan-created Divorce starring Sarah Jessica Parker. Here’s more from the press release: The half-hour comedy series Divorce (ten episodes) stars Sarah Jessica Parker, who also serves as an executive producer, […]

Guys, I Found The Perfect Hoodie

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Guy Delivers Dark Poetic Justice to a Spambot Desperately Trying to Strip

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He recognized the spambot almost immediately, but didn't stop there. What follows next is some of the most emo poetry you will ever read. It's a shame the spambot only cares about getting naked because this dude would have totally become a tree for his new friend.

"We will grow a forest from our new bodies." "Help me rot into the earth."

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Watch This Lady’s Nose Twerking If You Want to Feel Uncomfortable

Paralyzed Dad Uses Robotic Suit to Walk His Daughter down the Aisle

Unnecessary Things That You Probably Want To Buy

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Nate Silver: “I Was Just Using You To Find Out Who You’d Be Voting For … But Then I Fell For You”

Nate Silver: I Was Just Using You To Find Out Who You'd Be Voting For … But Then I Fell For You

Nate Silver: "I Was Just Using You To... Nate Silver is dating millions of people so that he can accurately predict the next election, but only one voter has caught his eye. Submitted by: David Guzman Regular Keywords: nate silver election polls election humor political humor nate silver joke nate silver parody nate silver she's all that nate silver funny or die Views: 264

Guy Breaks Hugging World Record In A Grab At Glory



Who knew that one of the attributes of a champion could be affection?


Krishna Kumar recently broke the Guinness World Record for most hugs in a minute, Guinness noted in its YouTube description.


HuffPost India wrote that while he attempted to hug 83 people, he officially recorded 79 because a few of his embraces were more "headlocks than hugs" to the record committee.


He made his attempt at a school in Pradesh, India, in March, according to the record website, but the video was just posted by Guinness on Tuesday.


The previous hug mark was 77, but now you can kiss that record goodbye.


You deserve a congratulatory hug, dude.





H/T Barstool Sports

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Feed The Beast

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The Internet Laments Ever Changing Beauty Standards

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It's impossible to live up to the expectations that society has for beauty. These Twitter users spoke out to give us all a reality check.

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Big Mistake

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“I Didn’t Make Him…But He’s Mine.” – Dog

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Your Day Can’t Get Any Better Than a Bunch of Crazy Goats Trying to Kill Each Other in Space With an Arnold Schwarzenegger Status Voiceover

You’re So Selfish

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It’s 7 Cats

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The Trailer for BoJack Horseman Season 3 Is Here, and Ya’ll Can Eat Flat Butt!

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Let’s Put A Twist On The Hot Dog

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Very Accurate If You Ask Me

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This Week in Comedy Podcasts: The Lonely Island Get ‘Happy Sad Confused’

The comedy podcast universe is ever expanding, not unlike the universe universe. We’re here to make it a bit smaller, a bit more manageable. There are a lot of great shows and each has a lot of great episodes, so we want to highlight the exceptional, the noteworthy. Each week our crack team of podcast […]

Make Pooping Great Again

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The Game of Thrones Producers Want to Apologize for That Whole “Hodor” Thing

Crying Baby Chills Out Whenever Justin Bieber Music Is Played

This Is A Classic: The Best Of Suicide Bunny

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This Hotel’s Policy Is Priceless

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Talented Artist Adam Burn Combines Witcher 3 and Cyberpunk 2077, and Now We Need This Game

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Check out more of Adam Burn's work at his studio's site!

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Jimmy Fallon, Larry David, and More Will Appear on Next Week’s ‘Maya & Marty’ Premiere

Maya Rudolph and Martin Short’s NBC variety show Maya & Marty (formerly titled Maya and Marty in Manhattan) premieres next week, and the first episode is set to include a bunch of special guest stars. According to Variety, the first episode will feature appearances by Jimmy Fallon, Tom Hanks, Miley Cyrus, and Larry David in […]

Fooling Her Dad

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Navy Ship Getting Into The Water

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Hannah Polites

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This Man Claims His Brand New iPhone Is Plagued by a Ghost

It’s All Fun and Games Until the Diapers Come Out

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Honest Trailers Absolutely Kills It This Week With Their Take on X-Men: The Animated Series

Giving New Meaning to Shotgun Wedding

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Sammy J and Randy and the Time Zone Conspiracy

In partnership with Seeso. Sign up now for only $3.99 a month. US-based Jon Bander is scheduled to do a Skype interview with the Aussie comedy duo Sammy J and Randy. No sweat. The only problem: Sammy J thinks time zones are a left wing conspiracy. The interview is scheduled for 4pm. It’s 4pm (in […]

This Guy Is A Brilliant Genius

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Just Look at That Adoring Second Chin

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Welcome To America, We Don’t Mess Around Here

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Why Aren’t We Funding This Right Now?

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A Guide to Tim Heidecker’s Post-‘Awesome Show’ Years

Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! has cast a long shadow over the comedy world in the 2010s, especially when it can still seem like every alternative comedy group of the last decade or so has co-opted (or plain ripped off) their surreal, digitally decaying, local-access show visual style. Of course, because that show […]

Money Well Spent

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Why the Berenstain Bears Really are the Berestein Bears You Remember

Explain That One to the Judge

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When You Give an Innocent Baby Some Angry Eyebrows

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Prehistoric Puns

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When I Attempt To Play FIFA

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Aparna Nancherla and Jo Firestone Have Some Tips for All the 21-Year-Old Ladies Out There

Here’s the latest episode of Aparna Nancherla and Jo Firestone’s web series Womanhood, where the two share some very important tips for young women out there who are about to turn 21 years old and become legal drinkers for the first time. From what drinks taste like when you throw them up to dealing with […]

Every Day Is Leg Day

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Americans And Their Distances

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The Marination of Years of Hatred

The Marination of Years of Hatred

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Jokes Like That Won’t Fly in Space

‘Dog Years’ Portraits Of Aging Dogs That Will Melt Your Heart

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Anthony Atamanuik and James Adomian’s ‘Trump vs. Bernie’ Debate Might Become a Reality Soon

To say the least, Anthony Atamanuik and James Adomian have been completely dedicated to their live debate show Trump vs. Bernie since way back in October, so today’s news involving the real Trump and Bernie should make all that hard work worth their time. During his appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night, Donald Trump […]

You Ever Get That Feeling Someone Is Watching?

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(+61): I’m tryna think of an…

(+61): I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that.

(865): You either got a dog, or…

(865): You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.

CBS Reorders ‘Superior Donuts’ Pilot Starring Jermaine Fowler

Back in February, CBS ordered a new comedy pilot starring Jermaine Fowler, and now they’re giving the project another shot. According to Deadline, the network has re-ordered the multi-cam Superior Donuts pilot based on the play by Tracy Letts, which follows “the relationship between the owner of a donut shop, his new young employee and […]

Sail Amsterdam

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A True Young Patriot of ‘Murica

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Check out These Game of Thrones Characters Reimagined as NFL Sports Teams

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This is just a list of some of our favorites. If you want to see all of the Game of Thrones/NFL logos, head over to UPROXX.

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Local Radio Station Fails to Celebrate Norway’s National Day

Happy National Day Norwayiceland!

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He’s Hunting for His Evil Twin, More

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(916): I made him watch the first…

(916): I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.

Hover Hands Picdump 3

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This Guy Has a Fix Worthy of ‘Office Space’ for Those Annoying Printer Problems

Opposites

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Hodor: The 11 Unused Backstories

Hodor: The 11 Unused Backstories

Before they chose "Hold the door," they considered other portmanteaus. Submitted by: Alex Pearson Regular Keywords: Hodor Hold the Door Game of Thrones Spoilers GoT Bran hodor is hold the door hold the door is hodor hodor name origin hodor joke game of thrones joke Views: 230

My Proposed Legislation To Protect Traditional James Bond Values

My Proposed Legislation To Protect Traditional James Bond Values

My Proposed Legislation To Protect Tr... A defense of traditional Bond-age from a concerned Senator. Submitted by: Alex Pearson Regular Keywords: James Bond Gillian Anderson Idris Elba Ghostbusters Agent 007 Female James Bond Black James Bond Views: 41

“Poppie’s French Connection”

By Jerry Zezima

Of all the Romance languages, the most beautiful, in my humble opinion, is Pig Latin.

Take this simple phrase: "Hiya, toots!" Translated into Pig Latin, it becomes: "Iya-hay, oots-tay!"

Eloquent, isn't it?

The second most beautiful Romance language is French, in which I am not, unfortunately, conversant. But I am learning it with a certain je ne sais quoi (translation: "Hiya, toots!") with the help of my 3-year-old granddaughter, Chloe.

Chloe is learning French with the help of her daddy, Guillaume, who is from France, a magnificent (magnifique) country that I visited five years ago with my wife (ma femme), Sue (Sue), and some other members of our family (la famille) for the wedding of Guillaume and our younger daughter (fille), Lauren (ditto).

Now their daughter, Chloe, is teaching me (moi) French.

I want to speak it better than I do Spanish, which I took for eight years in high school and college and still can't hold a decent conversation. I know only two phrases: "Cerveza fria, por favor" ("Cold beer, please") and the natural follow-up question, "Donde es el bano?" ("Where is the bathroom?")

That is why I am sure Chloe will be muy bien (sorry, I mean tres bon) in teaching me French.

According to Lauren, when Chloe went for a doctor's appointment recently, she said to the receptionist, "Je m'appelle Chloe," which means "My name is Chloe."

"Did she just speak French?" the stunned receptionist asked.

"Yes," Lauren replied, though she should have said, "Oui."

The next time I saw Chloe, I said, "Je m'appelle Poppie."

She smiled, no doubt at my pathetic pronunciation, and said, "Poppie!"

I was babysitting her and thought it was a good time for a French lesson.

"Bonjour, Chloe," I said.

"Bonjour, Poppie," she responded.

That was pretty much all I knew. But I was about to get a crash course. Chloe loves books and always wants me to read to her, so I was not surprised when she handed me a book starring her favorite character, Peppa Pig. The title: "Une Journee Avec Peppa" ("A Day With Peppa").

Yes, it was in French.

If you read Chloe a book in English and stumble over a word, she will make you repeat it.

"My God (Mon Dieu)," I thought, "this is going to be terrible (terrible)."

I began to read: "Ce matin, Peppa se reveille."

I had no idea what I just said, but it didn't matter because Chloe didn't correct me. I thought, however, that the word "reveille" meant Peppa was in the Army, though the drawing on the page showed that she was in her bed at home and was waking up at 7 o'clock in the morning.

It was obvious from subsequent drawings that the little pink porker was getting ready for school.

I trudged on: "Et prendre le petit-dejeuner tous ensemble, c'est encore mieux. Parole de Peppa!"

Chloe smiled and turned the page, a clear indication that my reading was d'accord (OK).

When Peppa got to school with her classmates, there was this line about the teacher: "Madame Gazelle, leur maitresse, est fantastique!"

Then Peppa went home for lunch: "C'est pizza et salade au menu!"

Afterward, she went to the park with her friends: "L'apres-midi, Peppa retrouve ses amis au parc."

At dinner, Peppa's father, Daddy Pig (Papa Pig), made his famous soup (fameuse soupe), after which Peppa had to brush her teeth ("apres avoir mange, il faut toujours se laver dents") and go to bed ("bonne nuit!").

Through the entire reading, Chloe didn't stop me once, so I felt confident enough to add, "The end," which I didn't know in French (la fin).

But that was all right because Chloe paid me the ultimate compliment: "Merci, Poppie!"

I had passed my first French (francais) test. One of these days, with Chloe's help, I will speak it fluently.

Then, of course, I will teach her Pig Latin.

Stamford Advocate humor columnist Jerry Zezima is the author of three books. His latest is "Grandfather Knows Best." Visit his blog at www.jerryzezima.blogspot.com. Email: JerryZ111@optonline.net.

Copyright 2016 by Jerry Zezima

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(425): I just wanna be…

(425): I just wanna be euthanized
(425): Thas it.

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(646): Our relationship is perfect
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Gone But Not Forgotten

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A High School Talent Show Got Lit Over a Water Bottle Flip

@Mike_Senatore FLIPPED A WATER BOTTLE FOR OUR TALENT SHOW AND ITS THE MOST LIT THING IVER EVER EXPERIENCED pic.twitter.com/2G0GTiy2O4

— Wes (@WesleyManning6) May 24, 2016

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This Compilation of Toddlers and Their Power Wheels Will Make You Wish You Were a Kid Again

Dog Must Have Called “Shotgun”

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Something Was Roaring, and It Wasn’t the Engine

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Bower Birds Are Awesome

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(305): How is it possible for…

(305): How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.

(281): dont know if she was trying…

(281): dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though.

When You Have Found The Love Of Your Life

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Just a Typical Day Amongst Office Cats

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So Convenient

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(503): Mixing Powerade and white…

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But What If We Go Faster?

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(816): You know you’re good at…

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What If This Is A Reality Right Now?

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This Guy Is Not Pranking Anyone but Himself With This Awkward Attempt at Trolling People by Asking for Directions

Buffy’s Pun Game Strong AF

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Genius Parenting Idea

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Happy Chewbacca Lady Took a Trip to Facebook HQ

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How Does Glass Work?

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Corgi Has Stopped Working

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“Walking Dead” Creator Reveals Season Seven Bombshell – @midnight with Chris Hardwick

Walking Dead Creator Reveals Season Seven Bombshell - @midnight with Chris Hardwick

"Walking Dead" Creator Reveals Season... 3:04 In an effort to ease the minds of "Walking Dead" fans, Robert Kirkman spills an important detail about the show's next season. Watch full episodes of @midnight now -- no login required: http://on.cc.com/17MOT5T @midnight with Chris Hardwick airs weeknights at 12a/11c on Comedy Central. Submitted by: @midnight Regular Keywords: Chris Hardwick @midnight at midnight After Midnight Nerdist @midnight full episodes comedy central stand up comedy comedians comedy central comedians comedy funny comedian funny video Jonah Ray Robert Kirkman Wil Wheaton exclusives The Walking Dead TV zombies spoilers comedy videos stand up videos funny jokes funny clips hilarious videos hilarious clips Views: 104

Maybe He Left the Fridge Open All Night?

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Asian Pringles

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Those Stingy Bastards

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When Crazy Cat Ladies Get Boyfriends

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Romanian City Gives Free Bus Rides To Passengers Who Read Books Inside

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Herb and Jamaal for May 26, 2016 for 05/26/2016

Herb and Jamaal for May 26, 2016

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True Relationship Goals

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Who Has Done This?

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Something That Boggles My Mind A Bit

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Let’s Thank Jesus

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Player 3 Has Entered The Boop

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Ouch, The Feels

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14 Reasons Pugs Are The Ultimate Experts In Summer Living

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Dual Wedding Cake

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She Will Probably Never Ask Again

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I Need This Place In My Life

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We, Who Are About to Be Beaten With the Ugly Stick, Salute You

Oh, dear. Not pretty. Yes. Already. The upcoming presidential campaign is ugly now and destined to ratchet up to epic uglier as soon as Bernie Sanders decides to bow out. Which is imminent. Not soon enough for Hillary Clinton, but not long.

The Vermont Senator has turned into that drunken cousin who hasn't noticed he's been the last guest for over an hour, cracking open another beer threatening to put his cigarette out in the kids' wading pool. Starting to channel Hotel California. "You can check in any time you like, but you can never leave."

How ugly will the race get? Think randomly -- shaved, rat -- terrier with a fourth premolar infection, mange and a lazy eye... ugly. Naked Sumo mud-wrestling ugly. If this campaign were a baby, you'd have to tie pork chops to its ears to get the dog to play with it. Even the rat- terrier of which earlier we spoke.

The hard part is the timing. On both sides. Has the public had its fill of Hillary bashing? She's been taking the hits and shaking them off since first becoming a mote in the national public eye back in 1991.

You remember what Republicans said when she was First Lady. "She's a liar, a thief, a lesbian. She cheated widows and orphans and murdered Vince Foster. With her bare hands. And then ate him." That's when she was First Lady.

Now, as opposition nominee, the kid gloves are coming off. "Alien Space Queen Vampire: here to suck dry our precious bodily fluids. Originally the Clintons had 3 children but sold two to a Bangkok brothel. To which Bill makes twice yearly visits."

On the other side, if you don't think the Clinton Machine has had at least a dozen investigators devoted to opposition research for months, you are probably extremely confused by the dampness on days when it rains. They undoubtedly have dug so deep, they know which way Trump's small intestine turns, 30 feet in.

In his patented gracious style, Trump christened his upcoming opponent, "Crooked Hillary," and that's the tame end of the ugly stick. He calls it counter punching, but flick him with a fly swatter and he'll drop your with an elephant gun. Ask any elephant.

The Aerodynamic Coif responded to accusations of his own randy behavior by calling Hillary an enabler of Bill's infidelities. But he needs to tread carefully or risk sharing a crying towel with her 2000 US Senate opponent, Rick Lazio. Who? Exactly.

There's two ways of looking at it. Either Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton has more baggage than the first United flight out of O'Hare after a freak spring blizzard, or there's no meat left on her scandal bone. Like a single sardine tossed over a stone- wall into a cat sanctuary.

And conversely, it should be fairly easy to uncover evidence of the Donald's extra- marital shenanigans and voluminous shady deals and suspicious deaths of folks who opposed him. Oh, come on. We've all seen Law & Order: there's a New York developer knocking off enemies and depositing them in the foundations of soon- to- be- erected condominiums every other episode. The only difference is, with Trump's supporters, that's not necessarily a negative. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Copyright © 2016, Will Durst. Will Durst is an award- winning, nationally acclaimed columnist, comedian and former rickshaw driver on Fisherman's Wharf. For sample videos and a calendar of personal appearances including his new one- man show, Elect to Laugh: 2016, appearing every Tuesday at the San Francisco Marsh as soon as he gets home from Germany, go to willdurst.com.

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