Too Easy!

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Here’s the Trailer for ‘American Ultra’ Starring Jesse Eisenberg and Kristen Stewart

Kristen Stewart and Jesse Eisenberg have teamed up on the big screen again for Max Landis’s new action comedy American Ultra, and the first trailer was just released. Eisenberg stars as a small-town stoner whose “past comes back to haunt him, and he becomes the target of a government operation set to wipe him out.” […]

A Tour de Force, Five Stars

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If You’re Corrupt in the Game, You’re Corrupt for Real!

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American Voices: Report: Artist Who Drew Iconic Obama ‘Hope’ Poster Has Lost Hope In Him

In an interview with Esquire, street artist Shepard Fairey said that seven years after designing the iconic red-and-blue poster of Obama with the word “Hope,” he has personally lost faith in the president, who he thinks is “not even close” to living up to how he was represented on the poster. What do you think?


The Two Sides Of New York City

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Today Marks the One-Year Anniversary of Mario Kart 8

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It's been one full year of loop-de-loops, gliders, coins, and death stares, and the most popular entry in the Mario Kart franchise since Mario Kart 64 is showing no signs of slowing down...

... unless you're playing 200cc, in which case, you should probably slow down.

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Do You Like My New Look Human?

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Quit Horsing Around and Pull a Cigarette Out of That Donkey’s Butt!

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How Darrell Hammond Keeps The Spirit Of Don Pardo Alive As ‘SNL’ Announcer

Darrell Hammond's new gig playing Colonel Sanders in ads for Kentucky Fried Chicken is just one thing keeping him busy these days. The "Saturday Night Live" alum returned to the iconic sketch show this past season as the series' new announcer after the 2014 death of 96-year-old Don Pardo, who occupied the position for nearly 40 years.

During a conversation with HuffPost Live's Ricky Camilleri on Friday, Hammond said he was initially hesitant about taking the job.

"First of all, I've never been an announcer, and I wouldn't know how to do anything like that. And [the 'SNL' team] said, 'Well, we're going to create a sound,'" Hammond said. "And I was like, 'How? What kind of sound do you want to create?' And they said -- and this sounds weird -- 'It's going to be Pardo but not Pardo.' I was like, 'I'm down. I'll try it.'"

Hammond and the producers spent a week working in a sound booth to arrive at the voice viewers hear at the start of each show, which is a mix of the new and the old.

"What we ended up doing was decided to put Pardo in four or five different vowels. So when you hear the montage, there are four or five vowels that I'm clearly doing Don Pardo. But it's just the vowels," he said.

Ultimately, Hammond is pleased that he gets to pay tribute each Saturday to Pardo, who he called "one of the classiest dudes I ever knew."

"So basically, he's not forgotten. We know that he's gone, but he's not forgotten. That's how we designed it," Hammond said.

Watch the full HuffPost Live conversation with Darrell Hammond here.

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News in Brief: Child Therapist Excited To Actually Be Seeing Patient With Psychological Issues

MINNEAPOLIS—Saying she was glad to finally be able to apply her psychiatric training, local child therapist Pamela Thornton expressed her excitement to reporters Friday at the prospect of seeing a patient with actual psychological issues. “It’s thrilling to have a kid in here for once who’s truly suffering from a behavioral disorder that legitimately requires regular therapy sessions,” said Thornton, adding that she was elated at the opportunity to delve into past traumas, evaluate recurring thoughts, and set up a treatment plan for the child who had genuine, clinically diagnosable depression. “This isn’t just some kid who started talking back to his parents or can’t sit still for more than a minute—this one could, in all reality, potentially pose a risk to himself or others. It’s kind of a treat.” Thornton later confirmed to reporters that she still planned on prescribing the same ...


Now I Want To Move To Finland

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Making Faces Accurate And Believable

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Watch a Sneak Peek of Tonight’s ‘Childrens Hospital’ with Rob Huebel, Nick Offerman, and Tony Hale

Childrens Hospital airs a brand new episode (directed by Ken Marino, no less) on Adult Swim tonight, and we have an extra special sneak peek featuring Owen (Rob Huebel), Briggs (Nick Offerman), and special guest Tony Hale as a man currently serving time in a women’s prison. Who is to blame in this suspenseful murder […]

Just Gonna Back Away From This Whole Conversation Slowly…

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Kristen Bell Accidentally Takes an UberPool, Chronicles the Harrowing Affair

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Kristen Bell pressed the 'Pool' button on her Uber app while getting a ride, for reasons she will explain, and surprised herself with suffering the pains of a carpool.

Then she live-tweeted it.

Buckle up.

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Watch Out!

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Reading is for the Heart and the Brain

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Birds Do It, Bees Do It, Even Educated Flees Do It. Let’s All Do It: Let’s Rebrand

As a creative, it is important to recognize the evolution of your aesthetic. It is also important to maintain a strong presence of the word "aesthetic" in your vocabulary. However, there will come a time when you will outgrow your brand. It's one of those things you must simply accept will happen -- like death or your iPhone software becoming obsolete 14 minutes after you buy it. Better UPGRADE!!! Your iPhone AND YOUR BRAND! You should be upgrading your iPhone/rebranding every 14 minutes.

Don't be naïve! As a writer and comedian living in New York City (the capital of REBRANDING/the frequently mistaken state capital), I have to be overwhelmingly cognizant of my contemporaries and the current creative environment I am surrounding myself in. Because murdering my competition is technically illegal, I have to make sure I stay on my toes! And out of jail! What I'm trying to say is: you need to be standing outside a prison on your tiptoes ALL DAY LONG!!!

It's no secret that lucrative conglomerates/Taylor Swift hit that point when they've outgrown their brand and decided it was time for a new, fresh, fun and flirty look! There are a multitude of steps that need to be taken in order to execute a successful new image, but which step do you take first when going through a personal rebrand?

If you are an artist in any capacity, recognizing that your current brand has become stale is the first step towards a successful rebrand. First, omit "freelance" from all of your social media bios. Putting "freelance" anywhere in your -- what should be -- carefully curated web presence (CURATE! Are you using that word just as many times a day as you should be drinking water?! If not then WTF?!) tells your audience you bought your last meal at CVS. For example, instead of "Freelance Writer" I just plainly put "Writer" or "Professional Checking Account Overdrafter."

It's a little harder for creatives to come up with new ways to present themselves to the public. Companies have an elite team of designers, advertisers, and public relation virtuosos designated to tailoring their new public image. We as creatives need to analyze our demographic, what works with our new image, what doesn't -- all by ourselves! And to do it every 14 MINUTES! Exhausting! By the end of this paragraph, I'll already have rebranded myself as a writer AND a fire breather (my side gig).

Another important step in your personal rebrand is to be aware of who your audience is. Recognize your influence! Know who is watching and paying attention! When actor Mel Gibson rebranded himself as a Professional Bigot it made headlines! But not the good kind! Make sure you take into account how your audience will receive and respond to your change! And if you do harbor offensive and bigoted opinions, keep that to yourself/Twitter!

The most important thing when revamping your image is to remain true to yourself! Remember what is special about your craft and your identity. Remember to be a Sailor Moon in a sea of Sailor Mercurys. Yes, there are many facets to explore when embarking on a rebrand, but I guarantee no successful rebrand ever happened at the cost of losing who you are at the core. Your rebrand must accurately represent your inner spark and drive. And don't forget -- wait why am I still typing this?! I have to rebrand and go get a new iPhone AGAIN! The one I bought earlier today spontaneously self-destructed when I tried to sync it to my computer. GTG! Happy rebranding!

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Irish Meal

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There’s A Meme To Be Made Here, There Must Be

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Drew Really Wants to Give You an Ass Kicking

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U have wat it take 2 win???

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We Need More Googly Eyes In Our Lives

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HBO Gives a Double-Season Order to Duplass Brothers-Produced ‘Animals’

The Duplass brothers are headed to HBO with a new animated comedy series. According to Deadline, the pay network has ordered two seasons of Animals produced by the Duplass brothers and created by Phil Matarese and Mike Luciano, which follows “the downtrodden creatures native to Earth’s least habitable environment: New York City. Whether it’s lovelorn rats, […]

@EmmaBarrie on Fitting a Feeling Into the Limited Space Twitter Gives You

Emma Barrie is a writer living in Los Angeles. She’s contributed to The Hairpin, The Rumpus, Death And Taxes, and more, and she’s made videos and cartoons that you can find on her website. This week I asked Barrie to tell me about three of her favorite tweets, and she and I spoke about problem solving, emoting on […]

Oh, Snoop Dog…

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J E A N S

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J E A N S I got the last one

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YouTube Celebrates 10 Years with Help from Blackalicious

He’ll be the Most Adorable Little Fallen Star!

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And Nothing Has Changed

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Baby Meets His Mother’s Twin For The First Time, Loses His Mind

Judging from this video, the concept of "twins" may be a little too much for a 10-month-old brain to handle.

For now, it's probably easier for this infant to assume his mom -- an all-powerful being, as all moms are -- is simply in two places at once.

"Dainius’s son was born in Lithuania last year, and the family recently brought him to Canada for the first time," writes Storyful, a social media licenser and publisher, in the description of the video. "While visiting Montreal the 10 month old was introduced to his aunt. Unfortunately for the poor little guy, his mum and aunt are twins, so he had a little trouble coming to terms with the situation!"

Attachment theorists, this video is for you.

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Looks Like She’s Going For Her Second Time

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We Will Miss You, Gandarf

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This Little Piggy Had A Heartwarming Adventure In The Sweetest Cell Phone Ad

Animal lovers are seeing something a little bigger than a mere come-on for telecommunications services in this Vodafone NZ commercial.

It's an uplifting tale of a mail carrier discovering a lost pig, searching high and low for her owner and -- phew! -- ultimately saving Piggy Sue from an ugly end.



Animals Australia for example -- which regularly advocates against pig slaughter -- praised what some are seeing as an anti-meat message:

"When most corporations put a ‘pig' in their TV ad -- it’s to convince you to eat animals -- or more specifically, their particular brand of artery-clogging bacon-laden fast food. Vodafone New Zealand did the complete opposite," the group wrote on Facebook.

Spokesperson Fleur McFarlane was a bit coy when asked if Vodafone is indeed trying to reduce bacon consumption while also expanding its customer base.

"This ad is all about how much better life is when you’re connected to your mates –- and the fact that friendships often form in unexpected places," she said by email, adding that the intention of the ad is to show elements of New Zealand culture for folks "to identify with: care for our friends, whether human or animal, and our community spirit."

We'll take it. Especially since, best of all, Piggy Sue got a happy ending in real life, too, we're told.

She and her understudy under-piggy, named Chatty, have settled in "with loving families" on New Zealand farms where they "are having a great time," McFarlane said. "Both pigs are cherished pets, with carers who’ve made them part of the family."

Do you know an adventurous pig? Have another animal story to share? Get in touch at arin.greenwood@huffingtonpost.com!

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He Is In Denial

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Firing Off 300 Rockets at Once is Pure, Gleeful Pandemonium

Pig Poops In Back Of Cop Car, Is All Smiles

He looks as happy as a pig in s**t.

A Michigan pig escaped from his owner Thursday, briefly terrorizing the community. CBS Detroit reports that at one point, the animal charged at a woman only to be get distracted by a "decorative ball."

The Shelby Township Police Department soon came on the scene and arrested the rogue pig. Officers soon learned this was snout a good idea.

“Well, lets say the pig either out of excitement or otherwise felt the need to use the back seat of our patrol car as a bathroom,” Deputy Chief Mark Coil told the station.

pig cop car

A photo of the smiling pig was shared more than 1,000 times on the department's Facebook page. It was soon followed by a photo of the pig's mess.

pig cop car 2

"Now we know why that pig is smiling in the first pic!" the caption reads.

The pig was later returned to its owner.

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My Precious Booze

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Lost My Phone, Lost My Cable, Lost My Mind, Hopefully Lost Some Weight

I can't live. With or without you.

I spent last weekend celebrating. It was a real stretch for me. My son made his First Holy Communion. And in honor of us sharing our first official drink together, otherwise known as the Blood of Christ, I went all out. We had a big party with some other families in the neighborhood.

In the midst of the celebration I let my little guy play on my phone. It hasn't been seen since. Just like when my remote went missing, the police aren't doing a damn thing about it.

I woke up Sunday morning like I do most Sundays. Shaking. And filled with regret. I instantly remembered that I came home without my phone. Wasn't sure if all my kids were here. But I knew my phone wasn't. It's like a sixth sense or something.

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I'll wait for you
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you

Sunday wasn't a Funday. It was a really, really not so fun day. It's really hard to find your phone when you don't have your phone. I couldn't text anyone to ask if they had it. I couldn't call anyone. Not that I ever really call anyone. And the hopeless feeling I had thinking of all the unanswered texts people were sending me was unbearable. I'm here. I don't hate you! I just don't know where my phone is.

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It finally dawned on me to use the old find my freaking iphone app. It came up at the address of said party. That was at 11:36pm on Sunday night. I was able to fall asleep knowing my baby was okay. In the morning when I checked again, there was no pulse. What good is a freaking app like that if the damn phone goes dead? I'll tell you what good it is. About as useful as Beau is at the grocery store. Not very freaking useful.

With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you

My phone really does take up so much of my time. One of my kids could be bleeding and I'm like, one sec, I just got a text. Or the kitchen could be on fire. How the kitchen would actually catch fire I'm not quite sure. Unless I fell asleep in there with a lit cigarette. But anyway, if I got an FB notification, the fire would come second on my list of priorities.

Come Monday morning I know the location of my phone. And by that I mean I know what house it is in. Unfortunately it's lost in the biggest house in the entire neighborhood. Great for the family that lives there. Not so great for me. We search everywhere. But can't find it anywhere.

Through the storm we reach the shore
You gave it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you

I'm waiting. It is now Wednesday. I have come to realize that life is really not worth living without my phone. It's just so hard. I had to get into my car and drive over to my bestie Flora's house to let her know I was alive. She lives like six blocks away. Thankfully she was able to tell our other bestie, Fawn, who was in Mexico and worried sick.

Instead of texting all of my neighbors every day, I have to send a child house to house to deliver my messages. Only prob with that is my kids forget the message or run into a friend and I never get a response. No one should have to live like this.

My hands are tied, my body bruised
She's got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose

My friend Flo stopped over to say our girls were starting softball and the coach called everyone to tell them what team they're on. Flo said, no problem, she'd find out for me and then send a pigeon with a note in it's mouth to let me know. I still haven't heard.

Then today I realize that I have no idea when all of my appointments are. I had to call doctors offices, hair salons, coach after coach. Then my cousin Jamy stops over and asks why I didn't just look on my husband's calendar since they're all synced together. Information I could have used this morning.

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

And if losing my phone wasn't bad enough. Our cable isn't working. I have zero communication with the outside world. I mean I still drink my wine at 10am as if Kathy Lee and Hoda were in my living room. But they're not. No one is. It's so quiet.

This is what it must be like to be dead.

I'm still holding out hope that my phone turns up. Even though I've been told that the first twenty-four hours are crucial. With each passing moment, a little more of me dies. I know how this is going to end. With me and a hand me down iphone 4s. I. Can. Not.

But like everything else I've been through, I will get through this. With or without you and my list of contacts, checking my email from a laptop. But know this. The struggle is real.

Eileen O'Connor is a woman-wife-mother living on the mean streets of the south side of Chicago. Check out her blog at No Wire Hangers, Blog.
Also check her out on Facebook.

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The Five Stages of Trying on Your Bathing Suit

Grief is an amazing emotion. It is so complex. It even has five different stages all rolled into one. Each lasting a long time. Yet unique to each individual. Everyone's grief is their own. Grief is very personal. Like snowflakes, no two people grieve in exactly the same way. This is my story.

It was a normal Thursday morning. I got the kids off to school. I was cleaning up the house. I threw a load of laundry in. I made the beds. I cleaned all the breakfast dishes. And then it happened.

Like most tragedies, I did not see it coming. I was completely caught off guard. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Never in my wildest dreams did I think my day would go like this when I woke up this morning. Nothing can prepare you for this type of pain. Even if you think you are prepared. You are not. Nothing can prepare you. Nothing.

This morning I made a decision that would make me question the way the world turns. I made a decision that would change my life forever. I tried on my bathing suit.

1. DENIAL and ISOLATION

This can't be true. This isn't happening. This is not my body. This is a cruel joke. That cannot be my reflection in the mirror. I feel so alone. Nobody will understand what I'm feeling. I'm fat. And cold. I. Can. Not.

I'm going to crawl back into bed and pull the covers over my head and sleep. When I wake up I'll find this was all a dream. A really, really bad fat dream.

2. ANGER

This is total bullshit. I don't deserve this. It should have been you. Why is this happening to me?

I've been running on the treadmill for the last two weeks straight. And this is what I get? I've been doing everything right. This is so unfair. Why me? Why now?

I gave birth four times and this is the thanks I get. I will never don a two piece ever again. Or a monokini for that matter. I hate everyone. Especially skinny people. With Abs.

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3. BARGAINING

Dear God please make this blubber go away. I'll do anything. I'm only eating fruit from now until Spring Break. I won't so much as even look in the same direction as a ding dong for the rest of my life.

I promise. I'll be better. I'm going to run on the treadmill in the mornings and then go to Spin class at night. Every. Single. Day. I'll never eat another piece of bread as long as I live. I swear.

I won't have one more drop of alcohol (on weekdays before noon). I'll do anything. Just make it go away. Make all the lard go away. Please Dear Lord I'll never ask you for anything again for as long as I live. If you call looking like this in a bathing suit living.

Sweet Baby Jesus make me skinny again. It's all I ask. I just want to rock this tankini like all the other MILFs. I don't want to have to find the fattest person on the beach and lay next to them just to feel better about myself.

4. DEPRESSION

I can't go on living like this. I'm fat. I can't bear to see myself like this.

My family and friends and fellow beach-goers would be better off without me. I feel so hopeless. I did this to myself. I deserve every last pound.

I acted like a fool. Like every supper was my last supper. Bread, pasta, wheat. I'm so weak. Dairy, sugar, gluten. I'll never be thin again. I'm going to die fat. And alone. In a swim dress.

5. ACCEPTANCE

This is who I am now. I'm chubby. And that's okay. There are worse things in life. Although I can't think of any off the top of my head at the moment.

I'm going to be okay. This is my new normal. I'm going to own this new, bigger me. Everything happens for a reason. There is now just more of me to love.

I will just buy a floor length, turtleneck cover up. And I'll get a nice spray tan. That will make me look thinner. That will give me some confidence. And I'll pray for rain. Lots of it.

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Life as I know it will never be the same. But I am okay. I will wrap my fat ass in a sarong and get on with my life. Because I'm a survivor. I'm not gon' give up. I'm not gon' stop. I'm gon' work harder. I'm a survivor. I'm gon' make it. I will survive. Keep on survivin'.

Eileen O'Connor is a woman-wife-mother living on the mean streets of the south side of Chicago. Follow her blog No Wire Hangers, Ever.
Also follow her on Facebook.

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Season 5 of ‘Louie’ Was Only Eight Episodes Long Thanks to Weed

Louie wrapped up its fifth season on FX last night, and if you were wondering why it only lasted eight episodes, HitFix has found the answer. During a panel discussion with HitFix last week, Louis C.K. revealed that he originally wanted to delay production on season 5 so he could film it in the fall […]

Simpsons’ Night Atmosphere

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SAVE ELECTRICITY

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SAVE ELECTRICITY don't you hate it when someone turns you on and leaves you?

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Can You Spot What’s Wrong With This Ritz Crackers Ad?

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Poor showing, Ritz. Poor showing.

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This Video Did Your Egg Drop Project Homework for You

First They Served My McNuggets, and I Said Nothing…

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The Husband Bonus: Better Than an Empty Bag

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Tongues are wagging faster than a group of over-privileged kids on a playdate at a sucker factory. A recent article in The New York Times described the unbelievable lives of women who marry rich men and live in the Upper East Side in New York City. The author lets her pinky finger down long enough to write torrid tales of year-end bonuses paid to the women for excelling at their wifely duties. I missed that memo and married for love.

At least paying the little woman a bonus is better than killing them and substituting robots, per the movie "The Stepford Wives." Sometimes I think the wealthy husbands would prefer androids so they could avoid and eliminate all that messy relationship drivel. I also suspect that these women could be promoted to The First Wives Club after their bored husbands find younger, prettier, more efficient models to replace them.

The must-have purchase from these pay-to-play marriages is a Hermes Birkin bag that costs around $120,000. That's not a house; it's a purse. As does my sensible, inexpensive, black tote bag, a Hermes treasure will hold tissues, assorted combs, lip gloss, a few pens that work, and a wallet of worn credit cards. I win.

The article created quite a commotion among my online group of middle-aged friends. Comments ranged from "Pricy Prostitutes" to "I get my designer bags on sale" to "Where's New York?" After reading about how the hyper-scheduled children of these arranged marriages need counseling to learn how to play, I threw up my hands and my breakfast. I decided to turn the designer tables and offer my own counsel, gleaned after more than five decades on this amazing planet. I don't need a Wife Bonus, but I'll gladly give a regular gratuity to my husband.

Here are my suggestions for how to give a Husband Bonus.

1. Arrange weekly playdates. There is no need for counseling when you remind your lover that there's a party for two tonight at 9:00. Toys and finger puppets aren't necessary but could come in handy.

2. Show your private equity fund. Sleep naked and receive a robust return on your investment.

3. Don't wait until yearend for a bonus. If you're both older than 55, take advantage of the time you still have. There is a good chance you'll be asleep long before midnight on New Year's Eve.

4. The only board we're sitting on is at the pool. The article described the duty of rich people to sit on major boards of high-profile charities. After decades of volunteering for various organizations, serving on advisory boards, and giving my time, talent, and resources, I'm turning over those jobs to younger people. I'll take my husband and watch and support selected causes from the beachside martini bar.

5. Take this bag, please. I will never own a purse that costs more than my first house. A designer bag is just an empty container of stale air. I promise my sweetheart that I'll never pine and beg for anything bigger than a Silver Oak Cabernet. I'll offset the request with a gift certificate for a couple's massage. See how this works?

The New York Times article stoked the flames of indignation, jealousy, and insecurity among some women who only want their husbands to earn a paycheck and come home at night. I choose not to provide links to the article or to the author and her upcoming book because she's received enough free publicity. When the dust settles, the rich wives will have their cleaning women come over to tidy the mess, my friends will continue laughing at life, and I'll fix a cheeseboard with cocktails for the patio and invite my husband to join me. It's bonus time.

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9 Signs You’ve Found the Man You Should Marry

After weathering the storm of a three-month marriage, I now consider myself a marriage expert.

There are many wonderful things about being married, although I can't think of any right now. However, having a successful marriage has its benefits, such as coming home to the love of your life, and giving advice to unmarried people who don't want it.

If you're not sure if you've found the man you should marry, here are nine key signs to look for.

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via The Cooper Review

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via The Cooper Review

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via The Cooper Review

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via The Cooper Review

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via The Cooper Review

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via The Cooper Review

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via The Cooper Review

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via The Cooper Review

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via The Cooper Review

Read more at The Cooper Review and follow The Cooper Review on Facebook.

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Stop It Already And Do Something Useful

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Borderlands 3: Taylor Swift as the Siren

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Duggar Child Molestation Scandal Parodied By ‘Funny Or Die’

The Duggar family has been in the news following Josh Duggar's admission that he molested five minor girls when he was a teenager, some of whom were his own sisters, and his parents Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar confessed to protecting him from authorities for years.

As the drama surrounding the family continues to unfold and TLC still has yet to decide if they'll cancel "19 Kids and Counting," Funny or Die decided it was a good a time as any to take on the family in a parody video.

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Where Is That Heavy Breathing Cat?

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Adult Swim’s ‘FishCenter’: A Beginner’s Guide

Every so often, late at night if we can’t sleep, my friend and I make a game of seeking out Facebook pages with zero likes and liking them, pages as kickass as “sixteen-segment display” and “glue logic” and “withaferin A.” The idea these pages exist, that any emphasis at all is placed on something so […]

Walking The Same Path, Calvin Harris

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You’ve Gone Too Far, Bro

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You Can Now Watch the Insanity that is Kung Fury on YouTube

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After a wildly successful Kickstarter almost a year and a half ago, the creators of the 1980s homage and ridiculous special effects masterpiece Kung Fury have released it into the wild.

It's got everything you could have wanted: Norse gods, time travel, killer arcade machines, angry police angst, hitler on a cellphone and, of course, kung fu.

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Maybe He’s Just Getting Ready for the Yule Ball?

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Quitting is for Losers

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“We Are the Champions” and All the Other Metal Hits, Right?

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Couples Go Through Each Other’s Phone History

It’s Not Fair!

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Captivating Ice Sculpture

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Anyone Want A Crying Piccolo Girl Bobblehead?

If you care even a smidgen about college basketball, you probably remember Villanova's crying piccolo player, who became the closest thing this nation has to the personification of heartbreak when she just let it rip after her team fell to North Carolina State during this year’s March Madness tournament.



And if you enjoy laughing at other people's sadness (and let’s admit, you probably do), you probably want a way to commemorate this Internet moment, currently slotted in the top 15 Internet moments of 2015 so far.

As such, may we present the Villanova University Piccolo Girl Bobblehead:

kickstarter

The Villanova University Piccolo Girl Bobblehead has its own Kickstarter campaign, and it’s already reached it’s $5,000 goal with six days to go, so this thing is happening. It's just up to you whether you want to jump on the bandwagon or not.

What can a Villanova University Piccolo Girl Bobblehead do for you? Great question. For one, it can remind you that things could be even worse than they currently are for you. For two, it can also collect dust while you decide whether it’s time to throw out your Villanova University Piccolo Girl Bobblehead.

That’s not one but two reasons to spend $15 on a bobblehead? Oh, wait, it’s $15? Never mind.

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Recruiting The Avengers’ Way

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Why I’m Wearing Headphones

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The Legendary Bill Murray

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Kristen Bell Live-Tweets Hilarious Uber Mistake

Uber is convenient, but it might not always be the most straightforward service. On Thursday, actress Kristen Bell tweeted about her experience accidentally ordering a carpool instead of a private car via the app.

Bell apparently pressed the UberPool button -- which lets you carpool with another Uber passenger -- without realizing what it was. (The company bills its carpool feature as a significantly less expensive option than regular Uber, UberX, UberT and UberBlack.) After her Uber car showed up, she was confused when the driver told her they needed to pick up another passenger.

Didn't know @uber had a carpool option, but my driver just pulled over and said "gotta pick someone else up". this should be fun.

— Kristen Bell (@IMKristenBell) May 28, 2015


come to think of it, i did press "pool" but i thought it was a fun summer reference. like how @google changes fonts to celebrate holidays.

— Kristen Bell (@IMKristenBell) May 28, 2015


Thankfully for Bell, she got home safely in the end. And thankfully for us, she tweeted the whole way there.

noone is talking. this silence is the only thing more awkward than if all of us were talking. #ubercarpool

— Kristen Bell (@IMKristenBell) May 28, 2015


if I'm not home in 10 minutes pls call the police and tell them i was last seen in a honda accord with 2 males mutes. #ubercarpool

— Kristen Bell (@IMKristenBell) May 28, 2015


Breaking News: one of them is singing. "take my hand, well make it swear. uhhhUUHH! livin on a prayer!" #ubercarpool

— Kristen Bell (@IMKristenBell) May 28, 2015


He appears to know all the words to the verses as well. pretty impressive. #ubercarpool

— Kristen Bell (@IMKristenBell) May 28, 2015


just passed a guy in a bullet proof vest. or half a star wars costume. couldn't tell. #ubercarpool pic.twitter.com/7vZIc3s0Ij

— Kristen Bell (@IMKristenBell) May 28, 2015


on repels bullets the other repels women. #ZING #ubercarpool

— Kristen Bell (@IMKristenBell) May 28, 2015


not sure where the other rider is headed but were getting close to my house. then it occurs to me "WHAT IF HES COMING OVER?" #ubercarpool

— Kristen Bell (@IMKristenBell) May 28, 2015


ok he's opening the door and getting out. a little too close to this garbage can for my taste. #ubercarpool

— Kristen Bell (@IMKristenBell) May 28, 2015


alright I'm pulling up safe and sound. thank you for the ride, emanuel. it was full of surprises. #ubercarpool

— Kristen Bell (@IMKristenBell) May 28, 2015


Uber did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

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You Will Never Be As Cool As This Kid

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‘Bob’s Burgers’ Writer Wendy Molyneux Has Raised Over $16K to Watch the ‘Entourage’ Movie for Charity

The Entourage movie hits theaters next week, and there’s one woman out there who will be forced to watch the whole thing at least once for a good cause. On Tuesday, Bob’s Burgers writer Wendy Molyneux set up a GoFundMe drive with a goal of $10,000 to make her sit through the Entourage movie with […]

Jim Breuer Remembers Norm Macdonald’s Amazing ‘SNL’ Prank On Chris Kattan

Anything can happen on a live show, especially when that show is "Saturday Night Live." Former "SNL" cast member Jim Breuer shared an example of that with HuffPost Live on Thursday, when he recalled a hilarious behind-the-scenes moment that made it nearly impossible to avoid breaking character on the air.

It happened during a 1997 episode hosted by Pamela Anderson, who appeared in a "Twilight Zone" sketch with Breuer, Norm Macdonald, Chris Kattan and Will Ferrell. Macdonald and Kattan had been at odds all week, Breuer said, and Macdonald decided to take revenge seconds before the show came back from commercial.

"I'm starting to giggle here, and I can't keep a straight face," Breuer said as he watched footage from the sketch. "I started laughing so hard right before this because Norm and Kattan got in a bicker, literally right before it went to air."

Watch Breuer tell the story in the video above, and click here for the full HuffPost Live conversation about his latest comedy special, "Jim Breuer: Comic Frenzy."

Sign up here for Live Today, HuffPost Live’s morning email that will let you know the newsmakers, celebrities and politicians joining us that day and give you the best clips from the day before.

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Surprisingly Fewer Casualties Than Dodgeball

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Man Traffic Sucks Today

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GIF up any idea of getting home early.

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When The Future Goes From Bad To Worse

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That Worked?

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Anthony Weiner is Just Never Going to Let Those Pictures Down

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Sports News in Brief: FIFA Assures Fans Investigation Won’t Affect 2022 Qatar Slush Fund

ZURICH—Stressing that soccer’s international governing body will continue to conduct business as usual in the face of high-profile fraud charges, FIFA officials assured the public Friday that the ongoing U.S. Department of Justice investigation will in no way affect the 2022 Qatar slush fund. “While our organization takes these allegations very seriously, we can guarantee with total confidence that the charges will not hinder or restrict the 2022 slush fund in Qatar,” said FIFA president Sepp Blatter, adding that the unreported personal expenditures and under-the-table government kickbacks will take place at multiple venues throughout the Middle Eastern country as scheduled. “Regardless of this ongoing probe, our officials are committed to accepting bribes in exchange for FIFA media and marketing rights, redirecting construction funds to personal expense accounts, and offering lavish gifts to Qatari political ministers in order to sidestep government regulations exactly as originally planned. These accusations ...


The One Who Removes One, Becomes King Of Norway

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‘San Andreas’ Is ‘Taken’ With Earthquakes, And More Thoughts We Had During The Oversized Disaster Flick

You're sitting in your seat in a packed theater, nerves building, and that's when you feel the rumble ...

It's your stomach. You ate way too many Sour Patch Kids before this movie started. (Damn, why'd they have to make those new blue ones so good?) The only reason you noticed is because, for the past 20 minutes, you've watched building after building collapse and now you're just sitting there, trying to process what the hell is going on.

And that's your mistake. (Not eating the Sour Patch Kids. Those are delicious.) The mistake is trying to process it.

When it comes to Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's new movie "San Andreas," don't worry about the plot. It doesn't matter. Don't worry about the science. Seismologists think it's laughable. Don't even worry about the dialogue (except the one-liners -- those are fantastic). Just sit back and enjoy the latest amazing big-screen disaster, which is expected to crush the box office this weekend.

And while you're enjoying it, here are the thoughts and revelations that might cross your mind:

1. Wow, this movie is just like "Taken," but with earthquakes.



Image: Giphy

Liam Neeson and The Rock both have estranged ex-wives who are dating jerks, they're struggling to foster good relationships with their daughters and they both have very particular sets of skills -- as Ray Gaines, The Rock saves lives and kicks earthquake ass, while Neeson just kicks everyone else's ass.

If you replaced the bad dudes in "Taken" with earthquakes, you're pretty much getting "San Andreas."

2. If there's ever an earthquake, you better hope you're related to The Rock.

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There are people dying all over the place in this movie, but does Los Angeles Fire Department rescue vet Gaines care about that? Hell no. He just wants to save his ex-wife Emma (Carla Gugino) and daughter Blake (Alexandra Daddario).

Don't forget about me, Dwayne. We're buds, right? Hello?

3."Jenga!"

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Image: YouTube

With buildings collapsing everywhere, don't be surprised if you get some childhood flashbacks. Wow, someone is terrible at this game.

4. There's a 90 percent chance this movie was made around one-liners.


Image: Giphy

With the roadways blocked and nowhere to land, The Rock sets a plane on autopilot to crash into the Pacific Ocean as he and his ex-wife parachute into AT&T Park, most likely just to deliver this line: "It's been a while since I got you to second base."

Boom. We've got a 9.1 on the Playa Scale! Can we give this man an Oscar already?

5. If your dad is in the Los Angeles Search and Rescue, you're automatically a survival expert.





A photo posted by alexandra daddario (@alexannadaddario) on May 16, 2015 at 9:49am PDT





Who needs The Rock when you have his daughter Blake? After the earthquakes start going off, Blake suddenly turns into survival expert Bear Grylls. She's patching wounds and listening to secret radio channels. Why? Her dad's in Los Angeles Search and Rescue, duh. There's no time for any more explanation. There's another earthquake coming!

6. The worst thing you can do in an earthquake is lose a shoe.


Image: Giphy

The Rock's ex-wife has a new man, Daniel (Ioan Gruffudd), who seems like an all right dude until he loses his shoe. After Blake gets trapped in a parking garage at Daniel's office, he heroically goes for help. Daniel is actually making an effort until part of the ceiling collapses and his shoe comes off. After that, he just leaves. As Blake says later in the movie, what an "asshole."

The moment might not make sense, but it did lead to another great one-liner that The Rock's ex says into Daniel's voicemail: "If you're not already dead, I'm going to fucking kill you." Yikes! Take it easy. The guy just lost a shoe.

7. Thanks for nothing, Paul Giamatti.

paul giamatti
Paul Giamatti plays Cal Tech seismologist Lawrence Hayes. Recently, Hayes made a breakthrough and can now predict earthquakes. The only problem is his predictions pretty much happen seconds before the quake. It's like, "Everybody watch out! We're gonna have a [ground shakes] -- er -- never mind." Thanks for the heads up, Paul.

8. The most unrealistic thing is that someone would want to divorce The Rock.


Image: Tumblr

Forget about the historically huge quakes and the killer tsunami. Why the heck would his ex want to divorce The Rock? Yeah, there's some story about how he became distant after one of the couple's daughters died, but get real. There are tons of people who die in this movie, and all of their last thoughts are probably, "What the heck was his ex-wife thinking?"

9. Wait, we take that back. The most unrealistic thing is that kiss.

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The Rock's daughter Blake meets this British guy named Ben (Hugo Johnstone-Burt) and his brother Ollie (Art Parkinson). Ben and Ollie save Blake from getting crushed in a car at the last second, but besides that Ben doesn't really do much interesting. Then, after he gets some glass in his leg, Blake is patching him up and they kiss. What?

Where were you on that prediction, Paul Giamatti? In Giamatti's voice: "Everybody watch out! They're about to kiss -- er -- never mind."

The most interesting thing Ben says is when he asks Blake why she wears two necklaces. The answer? Because the second belonged to her dead sister. Ouch. You almost feel bad for Ben. Wait, no you don't. He just kissed Alexandra Daddario. Just wait 'til The Rock hears about this. A quake is the least of this guy's worries.

10. "Daddy's got to go to work."

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At the end of the movie, The Rock sees an American flag and says it's time to rebuild. But in your head, he's breaking his cast again in "Furious 7." Those earthquakes will think twice before coming back for sure.

Final score: 7 out of 10 Sour Patch Kids.

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Meanwhile at FIFA Headquarters

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Witch Family Awarded Damages in Hansel and Gretel Wrongful Death Lawsuit

The family of The Witch, the victim in the now-infamous Hansel and Gretel murder trial, was victorious today in their wrongful death lawsuit. Hansel and Gretel were ordered to pay six million gumdrops in punitive damages, the largest claim award of its kind issued by a Forest jury.

The jury deliberated for only an hour after an exhaustive three-week trial.

Though acquitted of murder charges in the criminal trial, the jury was not swayed in the civil proceedings by Hansel and Gretel's assertions that The Witch had cannibalistic intentions and shoving her into the oven was an act of self-defense.

The family's attorney made a post-verdict statement outside the court building, "From time immemorial, witches from Salem to Oz to Eastwick have been vilified and persecuted. But the evidence was clear-cut and could not be ignored. Hansel and Gretel trespassed on The Witch's private property, treated her cherished gingerbread house like their own personal Hometown Buffet, and then -- by their own admission -- barbarically pushed her into her oven where she died a horrific and painful death. Thus the jury found Hansel and Gretel's allegation The Witch intended to cook and eat them simply preposterous."

"And even if she was going to eat them," interjected The Son of A Witch, "she would have been well within her rights. Stand-Your-Ground. Cook-And-Eat-Children. Would be perfectly legal if we were in Florida instead of the bleeding-heart-liberal Forest."

The attorney quickly intervened to clarify that The Son of a Witch was speaking purely in hypotheticals.

Just one juror agreed to speak briefly and under the condition of anonymity, "Hansel and Gretel's attitude of entitlement was nauseating. They had zero respect for this lady who worked hard all her life for one dream -- one dream -- to retire in a gingerbread house. And these hooligans come along and eat all over it."

Hansel and Gretel declined to comment on plans to appeal. Their father, The Woodcutter, though a courtroom fixture during the criminal case, was absent for the duration of this trial.

The Son of a Witch was asked if receiving the large damage award comforted him. He scoffed, "Considering my mother's suffering? Breadcrumbs."

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Beyoncé’s ‘Single Ladies’ Video Fits Almost Too Perfectly With ‘DuckTales’

You're gonna want to put a ring on this.

Thanks to the YouTube channel Good Friends, Beyoncé's "Single Ladies" dance routine has now been set to the theme song from "DuckTales," and it turns out they sync up almost perfectly. (Like, we're talking Taylor Swift syncing up to an '80s workout video level here.)

"DuckTales" has actually been making a comeback online recently and is reportedly getting a reboot in 2017, but it's clear this is the show's greatest moment ever. You can't get better than Beyoncé and her friends filling in as Scrooge McDuck's nephews Huey, Dewey and Lewy.

To date, the "Single Ladies" video has inspired a Jonas brother to wear a leotard and Kanye West to proclaim it was "one of the best videos of all time," and now it looks like it's about to to rewrite history again. (Or solve a mystery. Whatever works.)

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Why Not ‘Soyberg?’

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American Voices: SkyMall Announces Return Of Print Edition To Planes

Five months after it discontinued its airplane print catalogue and filed for bankruptcy, SkyMall announced that it was recently purchased at an auction by a marketing company for $1.9 million and will be returning to planes later this year. What do you think?


Sherlock Solves A Real Problem

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Looking Back at Anne Meara (and Jerry Stiller) Throughout the Decades

Sadly, we lost yet another comedy legend this week with the passing of Anne Meara at age 85. In her time she was a playwright, actress, and one half of the comedy duo Stiller & Meara, the other half being her husband Jerry Stiller. Today we look back at a few different television appearances of […]

Who Knew Kim Had Laser Vision

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Keep the Warboys Out of the Paint Section Altogether

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Acoustics and Anatomy

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Weird Weather but the Lighting is Great for These Pictures!

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CHESTHARE

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CHESTHARE you're doing it right

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This Chemistry Teacher Has Some Amazing Classroom Quotes

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When You Are New to Counter-Strike: Global Offensive…

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Funniest Parenting Tweets: What Moms And Dads Said On Twitter This Week

Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!

"This is not a democracy!!" Every parent. Every morning.

— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) May 28, 2015


I just gave my toddler a bag of cereal for breakfast. I rolled the bag down to make it look like a bowl. Because 3rd baby.

— Jill Krause (@babyrabies) May 27, 2015

3yo: Look a dancing coffee cup.
6yo: It's a person. They get paid for that.
3yo: I want to be a coffee cup when I grow up.
Thanks Dunkin.

— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) May 27, 2015


I sent my kid to school with 3 kinds of granola bars and a cheese stick.
I get an A for "Eh, It's the end of the year."

— Full Metal Mommy (@FullMetalMommy) May 28, 2015


2 y/o was screaming in the car & my girls were trying to help (singing, etc)-5 y/o finally says "I really want to say the f word right now."

— Bunmi Laditan (@BunmiLaditan) May 26, 2015


5yo: "Daddy, do you want me to run into you at full speed?"
Me: "No...."
5yo: "WELL I'M DOING IT!"

— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) May 26, 2015


Sometimes I hear butt cake instead of bundt cake and I laugh. Then I think damn my kids are lucky that their mom is mentally as old as them.

— YKIHAYHT (@YKIHAYHT) May 26, 2015


Hell hath no fury like my kid seeing someone in my house drink a Diet Coke that says "Share a diet coke with mom" and that person isn't me

— Eve Vawter (@EveVawter) May 26, 2015


*from the other room
5yo: You're going to be in trouble!
Me: Why is that?
5yos in unison: Nothing!

— Father With Twins (@FatherWithTwins) May 27, 2015


PSA: Children do not know how to whisper. For example my 4yo just "whispered" "Why does that woman have a mustache?!" on the checkout line.

— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) May 29, 2015


"Let's turn every single light on in every single room in the house and then leave."
- Kids

— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) May 21, 2015


Just found my 4yo brushing her hair with my potato scrubber. If I ever invite you to dinner, decline immediately.

— CrazyExhaustion (@CrazyExhaustion) May 28, 2015


I'll see your kid's boring Minecraft stories and raise you my daughter talking about Shopkins for what feels like an eternity.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 26, 2015


Is there a Nobel Loud Prize?
I'm pretty sure my kids could win that one.

— Wonder Kitten (@Tw1tter_K1tten) May 26, 2015


Sorry I can't join u for a spa pedicure. I just had one yesterday.

*cut to my 3yo spraying my foot w/a squirt gun filled with toilet water*

— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 26, 2015


Me: while you slept I changed 3 poopy diapers.
Wife: that's the sexiest thing you've ever said.

— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) May 26, 2015


I can't remember…when all your kids are playing their recorders at once, which circle of hell are you in again?

— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) May 29, 2015


My kid spent the afternoon playing house & pretending to be an adult. I spend all week playing dead & wishing adulthood was just pretend.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) May 27, 2015


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I Want This Mug

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How To Post An Animated GIF On Facebook

At last! Facebook is embracing animated GIFs.



To make them work, simply paste the URL of an animated GIF into Facebook's "update status" field. You can then add text as usual. (Gorburger not included.)

Uploading an animated GIF from your computer using the "add photos/video" function does not work at this time.

A representative for Facebook did not immediately respond to a request for comment from The Huffington Post about why animations are working after so much time without them. At least one workaround has cropped up before, though this is the most straightforward functionality yet.

The Next Web reported that the feature is still rolling out to users, so hold tight if it's not working for you yet.

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This LEGO Ball Contraption is Seriously Gigantic

Worst Person Ever

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Dave Grohl’s Childhood Fan Letter Proves He Was Always A Rock Star

When Dave Grohl sings about his heroes being ordinary, you know he's telling the truth, because that's exactly how he treats them.

While most fans would freak out and gush when writing to their childhood idol, 14-year-old Grohl was all about business. In a fan letter unearthed by his childhood hero, Ian MacKaye (Minor Threat, Fugazi), the Foo Fighter's frontman did about the most rock star thing ever and just asked for contacts in the music industry:

Look what my hero Ian Mackaye (Minor Threat/Fugazi) just found: a letter I wrote to him when I was 14! Haha! pic.twitter.com/Ak8gxZz5m6

— Foo Fighters (@foofighters) May 28, 2015


If that wasn't enough, he also specified the time of day MacKaye could contact him, between the hours of 3 and 10 p.m., please.

If you're wondering why MacKaye would still hold on to a fan letter from years ago, it's probably because, like Grohl, he has a history of being awesome. After news of the letter hit Reddit, fans wrote how MacKaye responded to fan letters, hung out with them before shows and even made himself available for an interview for a college research paper.

As 14-year-old Dave Grohl would say, "Good thrash!"

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Badass Liam Neeson

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Protip: There Is No Correct Response, Just Run

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OPEN WIDE

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OPEN WIDE and say "ahhh"

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What Did You Choose for Homework

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Why Do Games Do This?

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Daddy’s Girl

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I Don’t Remember “Avatar” This Way at All

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Only Intellectuals Will Understand

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Wouldn’t it be awesome to just have to be aware of mental health one month a year?

It’s Mental Health Awareness Month so some people expect me to write about mental health, except that if you read here you’re already perfectly aware that I’m mentally ill so this feels a bit pointless.  But what if we change the game a little?

Share with me.  In the comments, or on your own platform, or both.  Almost everyone will battle mental illness or will be impacted in the struggle to help a loved one with their mental illness, so “awareness” isn’t really the issue for me.  Cures, support, feedback, tools that work...those are the things we reach for in the dark.  So let’s share…

How has mental illness affected you personally?  What did you learn from it that might help others?

I’ll start.

How has mental illness affected me personally:  I have a host of issues but I’m most affected by Avoidant Personality Disorder which is like anxiety disorder on speed.  It’s scary to talk about.  When I tell people I have a personality disorder they try to convince me that I don’t.  This is not helpful.  It’s perfectly well-meaning but it’s like saying “You couldn’t possibly have anything so terrible as that” when in fact, I do.  And lots of other people do too but they don’t say it out loud because they’re afraid of how they’ll be perceived.  Then it becomes even harder to say it because everyone else is too afraid to say it (with just cause) and I can’t even blame them because being afraid to admit you have a personality disorder whose main symptom is crippling fear is a catch-22 and pretty fucked up.  It’s like having to raise your hand to ask for help in attaching your prosthetic arms.

What did I learn from it that might help others:  I’ve learned I’m not alone even when I feel completely isolated and like a failure.  I’ve learned that depression lies.  I’ve learned that when I’m not affected by my fucked-up brain chemistry I can see that my brain is not to be trusted so I write notes to myself when I’m out of the hole to remind myself that I’ll be okay again soon.  I get sun.  I take meds and therapy.  I laugh loudly and often when I’m out of the hole because I know the importance of appreciating the good and the joy when it comes.  I let myself be sad when I need to be.  I watch ridiculous tv and listen to happy songs.  I practice creating an invisible mental barrier around my body when I feel overwhelmed by other people’s energy.  I call the suicide hotline if things get bad.  I donate to suicide hotlines when I can.  I allow myself to say no.  I reach out on the internet because I can find friends to talk to or to inspire me who understand when I’m too afraid to even pick up a phone.  I find a family member to help me when I think I need extra supervision.  I thank people who help save me.  I try to save them back.  I hide in blanket forts with my cats and a collection of funny books or kick-ass comics.  I share what helps.  I learn from others.

I apply kittens directly to problem areas.
bloggesshuntersthomcat

Your turn.

PS.  This is my playlist that keeps me upright when my head is full of marbles.  Feel free to share your own.

GO RIDE, SHINY AND CHROME, TO THE HALLS OF… LOWES!

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News: Scientists Make Unclear Breakthrough After Giving Robot Cancer

STANFORD, CA—Theorizing that their work most likely represents a groundbreaking scientific achievement of some kind, researchers at Stanford University announced Thursday that they have made an unclear breakthrough by giving a robot cancer.

The team of oncologists and mechanical engineers told reporters that after years of research and repeated trials, they had finally succeeded in causing an aggressive form of advanced cancer to spread throughout a laboratory robot’s mechanized arm and central processing unit, noting that this landmark accomplishment probably has beneficial implications for the scientific community or society at large “or something like that.”

“Right now, what we can absolutely say for sure is that this robot has Stage IV cancer and only has two to three months left until it succumbs to the disease.”

“Diagnostic testing has confirmed that our robot has developed a high concentration of malignancies throughout its entire structural framework, which, for all ...


Totally Sang It

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News in Brief: Party Guest Hoping Birthday Card With Shirtless Hunk Taken In Playful Spirit With Which It Was Intended

ALBANY, NY—Second-guessing the purchase as she arrived at her friend’s birthday party Friday, area woman Kelly Hardin told reporters she hoped her humorous card featuring a shirtless hunk would be received by Amanda Riordan in the fun, lighthearted spirit with which it was intended. “The image is a bit risqué, what with the man showing off his bare abs and all, so hopefully she’ll understand the suggestive nature of the card was meant as a joke and its sole purpose was to amuse,” said Hardin, adding that, by presenting the image of a tanned, muscular stud wearing nothing but tight jeans and a cowboy hat and wishing the recipient a “very sexy birthday,” she in no way sought to imply that Riordan was presently in need of sexual gratification or excessively libidinous in nature. “She probably won’t be offended and will instead see the ridiculous photo ...


Jon Stewart Takes On ‘Tremendous A–hole’ Donald Trump

Jon Stewart may be be leaving "The Daily Show" this summer, but he's not going out quietly.

On Thursday night, Stewart reignited an ongoing feud with Donald Trump, or, as he calls him, "Fuckface von Clownstick."

Trump has been openly toying -- again -- with running for president, and said in a recent interview that he had a "foolproof" plan for defeating ISIS.

But Trump also said that he wasn't going to share it.

“Not because I don’t have a foolproof plan, I do. I have a foolproof plan that would work 100 percent, save thousands and thousands of lives, but I’m not going to tell you," Stewart said, while doing an impression of Trump. "I’m withholding it for now, because I am a tremendous asshole.”

Trump, who is active on Twitter, has yet to respond.

Stewart also shared some thoughts on other presidential wannabes, including Rick Santorum, George Pataki, Carly Fiorina, Lindsey Graham, Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders.

Check it out in the clip above.

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Photoshopping Mr. Bean Into Famous Paintings

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Larry Wilmore Breaks Out the “Cool Millennial Hangout Area” for the ‘Broad City’ Ladies

Broad City’s Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer were guests on last night’s Nightly Show, so Larry Wilmore decided to mix things up by moving the panel discussion over to “The Nightly Show Lounge & Cool Millennial Hangout Area” to give them a more appropriate place to chat. Joined by Nightly Show contributor Ricky Velez, the […]

Thanks for the Input, Grandma

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Scientists Stop Light for a Full Minute

physics,light,amazing,science,funny,g rated,School of FAIL Scientists in Germany have succeeded in stopping light - the fastest thing in the universe - for a whole minute, smashing earlier records. Researchers at Darmstadt Technical University achieved the remarkable feat by trapping it in a crystal.

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How to Get a Head in the Tech Based Economy

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HAMLETTE

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We’ll Wait For the Third Date for That One, Exercise Bike

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Chris Pratt Teaches His Son the Pledge of Allegiance

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Meant to post this on #MemorialDay but I was in China and my phone wasn't working. I'm proud to be American. I'm blessed to get to travel the world! #IPledgeAllegiance

Posted by Chris Pratt on Wednesday, May 27, 2015

... And it's just as adorable as you think it will be.

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When This Ship’s a-Rockin

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Nothing To Do Now

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Tips For Hosting A Better Dinner Party

Tips For Hosting A Better Dinner Party

Advice from the experts on how to keep your guests happy, your home tidy, and your host experience slime-free. Submitted by: nfed Regular Keywords: Dinner Party tips for hosting a better dinner party dinner party tips funny dinner party tips womens magazine parody dinner party tips parody fancy wine party tips how to throw a dinner party parody dinner party tips for nineties kids slime dinner party how to throw a slime party how to throw a party party fouls guide party faux pas guide dinner party guide funny dinner party advice slime party funny slime dinner real simple magazine parody slime dinner party magazine dinner party magazine dinner party magazine tips Views: 955

The Moment That Prompted DL Hughley To Make A Life-Changing Promise To His Daughter

DL Hughley is a successful comedian whose role as one of the Kings of Comedy influenced a generation. But back before the father of three ever got involved in making people laugh, he was something else: flat broke with several mouths to feed.

After getting married in 1986, Hughley's wife, LaDonna, was ready to start a family. At the time, Hughley was a telephone sales rep -- a far cry from the well-off celebrity he is today. "I'm making... $3.35 an hour, I think it was. And she goes, 'Let's have a baby!'" Hughley tells "Oprah: Where Are They Now?" in the above video. "I went, 'all right!'"

LaDonna got pregnant quickly and gave birth to a baby girl. Hughley's already-strong work ethic immediately shifted into high gear. "I worked really hard and I became assistant manager over the telephone sales operation room," he says. "And she gets pregnant again."

With one young child at home and another on the way, Hughley was admittedly scared about the future. His fears came to a head one day when his wife ended up in the hospital due to her difficult pregnancy. Hughley and his daughter, Ryan, arrived home that evening to a dark house and an empty pantry.

"Our lights were off. And there was no food," Hughley recalls. "I fed [Ryan] mashed up bananas by candlelight. She was just laughing and playing, and she had no concept of what was going on."

The moment was a life-changing one for the devoted father.

"I remember making her a promise. I said, 'I'll never put you in this situation again. I'll never do it,'" he says.

To follow through on his promise, Hughley began performing at local comedy clubs in the evenings to make extra money. That's when he found his passion. "The minute I picked up a microphone, I knew that it would be what I would do for the rest of my life," he says.

LaDonna, though supportive, issued her husband a timeline that gave him a valuable push. "La Donna's like, 'You've got a year to make this happen... If you don't make it happen in a year, you're going to just go to work and you're going to give your dream up," Hughley says. "So, I really started putting in the work."

The local comedy gigs began to pick up, and after several years of performing, Hughley landed his own sitcom, "The Hughleys." The success of that show led Hughley to be a part of the renowned Kings of Comedy tour, with funnymen Steve Harvey, Cedric the Entertainer and the late Bernie Mac. The foursome sold out huge arenas and solidified their reputations as comedy titans.

"I couldn't believe that we were doing this," Hughley says.

From the early days of his success up to now, Hughley has been grateful for what the Kings of Comedy did for both his family and his career.

"I knew that we were doing something special," he says. "I just never had a concept of how special it would be."

Related: DL Hughley reveals the emotional moment he realized his son with Asperger's Syndrome would 'be all right.'

"Oprah: Where Are They Now?" airs on OWN, the Oprah Winfrey Network.


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Be Grateful You Say?

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Silence is Golden

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What Did He Just Said To Me?

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Fixed It Picdump 3

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That’s a Big Stack of Awesome

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OK Don’t Actually Try That If You’re Interested in Getting Into College

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0/10 Would Not Buy

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Nah, That’s Definitely a Tuba

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Seems Legit

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Most Terrible Rick Grimes Dad Jokes Ever

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Life Is Really Hard At The Savanna

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(403): I had my first “Damn…

(403): I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.

(317): You should frame my arrest…

(317): You should frame my arrest warrant.

I Don’t Get The Logic

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FITE ME IRL, M9

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Is This How Metal Detectors Work?

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You Look Dashing!

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SEEMS LEGIT

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SEEMS LEGIT

Tunnel This!

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Astronomy 383: Don’t Miss Them!

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Time to go find a high place with little to no light pollution on April 22nd.

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A Master With the Blocks

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Sia’s Chandelier Goes A Cappella

That’s Just Cold, Jessica

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Live, From Brooklyn

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Value typically parallels price. High-quality food tends to be expensive. Ditto for clothes, airline seats -- even medical treatment.

The rule does not hold for live comedy. In New York City, global mecca for stand-up, discerning comedy nerds know the best stuff costs between $8 and free. Not that there aren’t alternatives. Caroline’s on Broadway is a comedic Cheesecake Factory, churning out jokes designed to satisfy if not edify, at a market-high price (hovering at the high end around $100 a ticket, plus a two-drink minimum). Around the country, comedy clubs have franchised the venerable Manhattan institution’s model, attracting audiences so trained to expect reliable fare that “you could just have a chair on stage with a mic next to it and that chair will sell the 9:30 show,” the comic Hannibal Buress told me recently, recalling a large club he frequented during his early stand-up years in Chicago.

Buress is one of a new class of comics making Brooklyn the anti-Caroline’s. The experimental scene that colonized subterranean East Village bars in the 1990s has shifted as ballooning Manhattan rents have shut down major comedy hubs. Today, rising stars hone their bits in low-priced sets across the water, either in various pockets of Williamsburg or along a strip of venues stretching in the southern part of the borough, from Park Slope to Gowanus.


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Hari Kondabolu dissects the charm of the Brooklyn comedy show he occasionally hosts, "Night Train."


Call it artisanal comedy, unique from the genre known as alternative or alt-comedy due to new realities of time and place. At Brooklyn shows, the borough shapes the product, just as soil and sunlight flavor a wine. The craftspeople -- in this case, comics -- are as fêted as the work they create. Free from the tyranny of the big club's joke churn, they act out. Individuation is the new normal; any comic with big dreams must know herself. Where making it once foreordained an ensemble cast (see: "The Cosby Show," "Seinfeld"), TV hits now orbit tightly around the universe of a single person ("Inside Amy Schumer"), a like-minded duo ("Key & Peele"), or even the phenomenon of Brooklyn itself ("Girls").

Like a top-notch MFA program, Brooklyn is enabling this industry shift. Take the happenings at "Night Train," a weekly comedy show held at a multiuse venue in the rapidly gentrifying neighborhood of Gowanus. Not even a decade ago, the strip that houses the show's venue, Littlefield, held mostly mechanic shops and small manufacturers of items you might see at Home Depot.

That past is a faint shadow today. Fans of the Comedy Central show “Broad City” know Gowanus as the Oz that Abbi Abrams stumbles upon in an early episode this past season, dazzled. Granted, her character was compromised at the time, tripping on an accidental cocktail of painkillers and super-strong weed. But that narrative twist only amps up the high even a sober keeper of the past might feel in the neighborhood these days, what with all the kids licking small-batch ice cream scoops, and passersby carrying bows and arrows, heading to or from the archery range down the block. In this setting, the Gowanus Canal, the epically filthy regional waterway Jonathan Lethem once called “Brooklyn’s armpit,” is almost a comfort: incapable of putting on airs.

Abbi indulges her high at the already trippy Whole Foods in Gowanus.

Imagine a cross between a college campus and a cruise ship, with the intellectual sensibility of the former and the manic entertainment value of the latter. Within less than a mile radius of Littlefield lies the archery place, a shuffleboard club, several print shops, a fencing center (swords, not gates), Ample Hills Creamery (where summer weekends mean kid traffic from multiple birthday parties), and a rollicking new Whole Foods, the latter of which prompted one of Abbi’s hallucinations -- a talking tooth -- to intone bleakly about “a whole new Gowanus.”

"Night Train" slots in as yet another luxury tailor-made for the clientele: premiere live comedy, priced at a rate acceptable to the kind of person who knows what’s available for free on YouTube. The stereotype of Brooklyn transplants that has conquered popular opinion holds here. "Night Train" audiences tend to look like a bunch of extras on "Girls": mostly white, all young, skinny jeans galore.

That description hardly fits the comics on tap. On a typical night, the lineup at "Night Train" might hit a dozen boxes on a census survey: black, queer, Asian, immigrant, first-generation, native New Yorker or West Coast visitor. Up-and-comers on the comedy circuit intermingle with the occasional drop-in star or grizzled veteran. The mix reflects a sea change in comedy itself, an industry Joan Rivers once called “an angry white man’s game.” At Littlefield, on stage at least, that demographic is the minority.

Wyatt Cenac, the "Daily Show" alum who started "Night Train" in 2012 and acted as its first host, says the show’s outward face was a conscious choice from the beginning. When approached by Marianne Ways -- a veteran East Village booker now decamped to Gowanus -- "one of the things that we had talked about was trying to have the lineup be as diverse as possible," Cenac said.

A recent "SNL" sketch skewered -- and kinda loved on -- Brooklyn gentrification.

Despite this, new Brooklyn looms large. This writer heard more stroller jokes during a year of "Night Train" attendance than actual strollers she could recall seeing in the neighborhood. For that matter, any domestic comedy has its place. A recent set by a trio of former roommates -- Kenny DeForest, Clark Jones and Will Miles -- redefined the borough’s neighborhoods by way of the movements that lead to stroller-ing: a move to Gowanus from East Williamsburg being the first step toward marriage.

Critique of and affiliation to Brooklyn -- a balance underlying this year's standout niche "Saturday Night Live" sketch, in which three black Bushwick "corner boys" wax poetic on artisanal mayonnaise -- reflects the borough’s status as comedy’s new epicenter. Buress partly credits his years hosting a weekly show at the Knitting Factory in Williamsburg for the momentum that ushered him through the pivotal threshold from stage to screen: he’s now a "Broad City" regular. (He’s since abdicated his Knitting Factory duties to DeForest, Jones and Miles, the "Night Train" drop-ins who mapped Brooklyn neighborhoods according to relationship stages).

Beyond the hosting gig’s intellectual demands -- “X amount of stage time each week, no matter what,” Buress said -- the initial appeal was as simple as the reason a person might choose a laundromat: location, location, location. The Knitting Factory sits two blocks from his Williamsburg apartment. “I could be in the shower at 8:45 and out the door and on stage by 9,” he said. Given that the virtue of hosting is the regulated draw on a comic’s generative abilities, the stability of proximity helps.

As the scene has formalized, farther-flung comics have joined. Aparna Nancherla, a D.C. transplant now living in Astoria, Queens, uses the stage at Littlefield as a workshop space, refining jokes meant to eventually enter the world in what she calls a “crystallized” form, rendered for posterity on an album or major tour.

She contrasts the “cozy” feel of Brooklyn shows with the atmosphere at "The Meltdown," an influential comedy show run out of a comic book store in West Hollywood. Brooklyn venues offer the same double-edged intimacy as New York City apartments. They're “cramped, with not a lot of room to move,” Nancherla said, hypothesizing that city density and spontaneous walk-in traffic make that so. The result, Nancherla finds, is an atmosphere conducive to experimentation.

Contrast that traffic flow with the movements of a driving populace more inclined to plan out an evening ahead of time. “It’s not necessarily about which famous people are on the bill, which sometimes feels more like the thing in LA,” she said.

Because of the skewed economics that come from living where the comics do, Brooklyn showgoers pay less and subsequently demand less than their counterparts across the country. This is a counterintuitive boon to comics. Setups can be long and experimental. Wandery not-quite-jokes are often rehashed over many months. Nancherla unveiled a bit she’d polished in front of several "Night Train" audiences last fall, while opening for the eastern leg of Tig Notaro’s highly publicized “Boyish Girl Interrupted” tour. In it, Nancherla compares living in New York to a hypothetical reality show that tests a contestant’s breaking point. One flourish came to her while on stage at Littlefield. “Is it gonna be the pigeon with the lazy eye?” The audience’s laughter convinced Nancherla to "crystallize" the line. “It’s become a part of the joke,” she said.

Hosts exercise new muscles too, says Hari Kondabolu, a comic who occasionally subs in for Cenac at "Night Train."

Along with his brother and co-host, former Das Racist rapper Ashok Kondabolu, Hari sees his job as an order of magnitude beyond what Dave Chappelle once quipped as the opener’s sole duty, that is, getting “the audience used to looking at the stage.” At shows where hosts carry selling power, “the point is to set the tone, that we’re going to be playing around here,” Kondabolu said. “You don’t know what we’re going to do, and you don’t know what everyone else is going to do. They’re going to be trying some stuff and also -- you paid five dollars. What are you complaining about? You’re in New York; there’s nothing to complain about. And maybe Aziz Ansari will show up, who knows?”

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If Brooklyn shows are essentially MFA workshops for comics, feedback comes from the audience. Playing Littlefield can’t compare to performing on a late show in terms of compensation or visibility. “It’s not the place that you’re expecting scouts to go to,” Kondabolu said. “But I am expecting that I’m going to have a smart audience and that they’re going to be nice and not heckle.”

Like Nancherla, Kondabolu is Indian American. His highest profile work often tackles nuanced concerns of the Indian community, shattering the standby comedy model of catering to one's own ethnic group. Performing on the "Late Show with David Letterman," he spoke of a woman who slid into the backseat of his father's car, presuming it was a cab. (The punch line: "Apparently she's so racist, she looks at the color of the driver before looking at the color of the car.") On "Conan," he started as a schoolteacher might, defining the theme of his set as "colonialism." Creative freedom starts in venues like Littlefield, where audiences expect to be challenged. (Comic Desiree Burch described a "Night Train" audience to me as full of "obedient comedy children.")

That desire is driven in part by economics, Kondabolu pointed out. A “20-something with five to eight dollars” is spared the typical clubgoer’s calculation: “'I just had to get a babysitter for my kids, I made this my night out. I just had to get a ton of drinks. I’m exhausted from the week and this person is up here talking about police brutality.'” "Night Train" operates on self-selection. “When you’re talking about a gentrifying class going to a show in Brooklyn, and who watch 'The Daily Show,' and who might know Wyatt from that,” Kondabolu said, “it’s going to reflect what you can say.”

Arbitration by young, white liberals has precedent in comedy lore. In the early 1970s, Richard Pryor defected to Berkeley after a string of high-profile but unfulfilling coups in Los Angeles: national appearances on Johnny Carson's and Ed Sullivan's shows in which Pryor delivered jokes “like placards” to the nation, as the writer Hilton Als would describe them nearly three decades later. It was as if each bit arrived with a heading, wrote Als, in a 1999 New Yorker profile tracking the comedian’s evolution, “that read ‘Joke’: When I was young, I used to think my people didn’t like me. Because they used to send me to the store for bread and then they’d move. Badam cha."

Als writes of “show-business luminaries” advising Pryor to follow the model of Bill Cosby. He quotes Pryor’s recollection of a conversation with a white writer called Murray Roman. “Don’t mention the fact that you’re a n----r. Don’t go into such bad taste,” Pryor said in a Rolling Stone interview. “They were gonna try to help me be nothin’ as best they could.”

One of the earliest beneficiaries of an alternative comedy scene, Richard Pryor fled the racism of 1970s Hollywood for the freedom of the college town up north.

In Berkeley, Pryor found a voice rooted in his past. In a new memoir titled Pryor Lives!, Cecil Brown, a journalist who began a 30-year friendship with Pryor after seeing the comedian perform in Berkeley, writes of the “white youth who lined up to see Richard” perform his strange new acts, in which he might pronounce a single word in different ways, or impersonate the winos of his childhood memories.

These were hippies and students eager for brutal honesty -- "the core of the counterculture," Brown called them -- "lied to by the leaders of the nation, by the leaders of their local towns, by the Oakland Police, and by the Berkeley Police.” Swap out the geographical terms and his description of Pryorheads this could apply to Brooklyn-based activists arrested during Occupy Wall Street, or the thousands who demonstrated near the borough’s largest train hub this winter, protesting police action in Ferguson, Missouri.

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That power dynamic lingers today. Byron Bowers, a wiry LA-based comic, says he regulates his comedy based on setting. During a "Night Train" set last fall, he riffed at length about his love of hallucinatory mushrooms, a typically “white-kid” obsession that he predicts might throw a club audience if he were to make the same claim there (Bowers is black).

He likens the comedy world to his high-school experience as an athlete who took honors classes. The clubs correlate to the people he hung out with after school: rowdy “athletes and cheerleaders” looking for an unambiguous good time. Audiences at indie shows -- like the kids he took classes with -- let him explore nuance. “The subject matter I can talk about [with them] is much more deep.”

The unusual economics of the comedy world help make this liberation possible. In the tradition of the East Village bar circuit, the choicest Brooklyn comedy happens in venues that aren’t devoted to it. Littlefield is an event space, the Knitting Factory a concert hall. Union Hall -- a Park Slope institution whose lived-in basement served as the setting for the stand-up scenes in comic Mike Birbiglia’s hit indie movie “Sleepwalk with Me” -- is a bar.

As opposed to venues with other sources of income, comedy clubs are tasked with luring in audiences every night of the week. That desperation results in a necessary evil of the comedy world, Cenac said. “Themed nights, whether it’s the Black Night or the Latino Night.” He recalls a club in Los Angeles with “Refried Fridays” and “Chopstick Comedy.”

“People still do whatever to get butts in the seats," he said "The challenge of live comedy is that we live in an age where, if someone wants a laugh, they can just go onto their laptop and pull up a YouTube video.”

In Gowanus, you may as well just walk down the street.



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